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Teen Poetry #3
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The Pain YOU Caused
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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The Pain YOU Caused |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA 
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*The Pain YOU Caused* You've hurt me, in more ways then i thought i could ever be. You can say "im sorry" forever and it wont be said enough ever. I didn't know one person could cause this much pain till i met you in vain Because of you my heart is forever broken and its the last time "i love you" will be spoken You've crushed me so bad left my heart bleeding and sad I just wanted to die right then and there but to my friends and family it just wouldnt be fair I hope that just once in your life you'll have your heart hurt like a stabbing knife Because you deserve it all every tear and sobbing call I hope you feel my pain and realize when you hurt me that you were insane Because it takes a boy to hurt a woman sir but it takes a man to love her **I know this isnt the greatest poem ever written because some of the rhymes are weird..but it was a spur of the moment..so go ahead and rip it apart..i wanna know what u think** "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kiley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
oh SOMEone relpy..please "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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Tara Member
since 2000-02-21
Posts 76Minnesota |
Hey this was pretty good. Even though (like you said)some of the rhymes were wierd, i liked it that way. and it's also very true. good work.....Tara |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
this poem isnt weird...in fact its really good...usually guys are the ones that break up with girls...and i hope that one day this guy gets what he deserves...all guys that have ever broke a girls heart...cuz they hurt us girls...and alot of them dont know how we feel.. ~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~ |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
very nice poem. It's true. I think it does take a man. A lot of guys just take their women for granted. To some treir hearts are like toys. Don't worry the pain will heal, it always does. Time heals all wounds. |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
Hey sweetie...as for the poem, it's not weird at all. Every writer has their own style. Maybe this is yours, maybe you were just experimenting, either way, it works for you. Keep it up! And as for the whole man vs. boy thing, you are oso right my dear!! Only a man knows how to treat a girl. Boys, like children, like toys. And for some awful reason, hearts are very appealing to them. I'm sorry that you're hurting. But when your heart does heal...GIRL GET YOUR BUTT OUT THERE AND FIND YOURSELF A MAN...A REAL ONE!! hehe  best of luck hun! Love Always~*~Jessica~*~~*~Why is it that love always starts with a hug, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear?~*~ |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
StarPryncess17~ =) Thank you for your words of encouragment! Meant alot.. Jose~ thank you so much for replying! Erin~ I guess guys just have a heart of steel cause they never seem to hurt like we do.. Tara~ THank you for replying! Hope to read some of your work soon ~!*DancinQueen*!~ "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I don't think this poem is weird at all. The rhyming is perfect. This poems is a perfect example of emotion and feelings. Keep up the good work. As i wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Lovely_Kris Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 176 |
I'm sorry you are hurting. I also don't think this poem is weird. I think you did a great job. I know it will talk time to heal but i'm sure you will find someone who cares deeply about you. well i realy enjoyed your poem and i'll keep reading them. Lovely_Kris |
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Isabel Galaxia Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733 |
Very good. The last two lines especially. This guy will probably go through the same thing you did, then he'll understand what it's like to be hurt. If he hurt you like that he probably was just a loser and a waste of your time. Keep writing- keep your head up and smile!!!  Bel |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Oh thank you all for replying! IT means soo much to me! Thank you!! ~!*DancinQueen*!~ "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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Squirter Junior Member
since 2000-08-03
Posts 17Minnesota |
HEY!! Great poem! SOO true! I know the feeling! Boys are mean! One thing though...I don't know if you want this, but rythym makes a poem so much easier read. Don't get me wrong, I loved your poem, but having the same, or close to the same, amount of syllables makes it more interesting to write and read! Keep writing and keep up the great work! ~*Nicole*~ |
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cutie2005 Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 148Bennett, Colorado USA |
This was very good, no matter what you say.. You don't have to rym (can't spell) perfect to get a poem!! It was good, and I hope that you still have trust in other guys, enough to say I love you again, when you really mean it!!! Love ya, cutie If you love someone you would go to the end of the world for them! |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
Thanks everyone for replying!! Acire~ THanks for the words of encouragment =) means alot.. Lovely_Kris~ Yeah i hope I find someone soon b/c im so sick of jerks Bel~ Oh and was he a waste of my time uggh.. Squirter~ THanks for the advice! My poems arent usually this sloppy =) Cutie~ Well i'll have to work on the trust thing, it seems like everytime i get it back..some guys goes and does this to me again.. "One fine day you'll look at me and know that love was meant to be" ~Carol King |
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SweetPoet17 Member
since 2000-08-04
Posts 108 |
That was REALLY excellent, truly... I mean that was just wonderful, it was such a great poem that makes so much sense, in life, in love, in everyday life... I mean the last part was so deep, it touched me.. keep on writing... *SweetPoet* |
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