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Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781


0 posted 2000-08-01 11:23 PM


if only i wasn't intagled in this web of fevorous thoughs
if only i could escape

my mind full of dreams
caught in masks of decieving faces
none to understand

my hands cannot write enough
for words come shrewdly fast
in veiled insainity

my tounge ever silienced
with whips and deadly scorns
beating within my cheast

my legs enveloped by a blender of emotion
unable to dismiss the wild shake
that recks in a bitter fashion

my lips drawn to silient motions
for things that shouldn't be said
have exited the innermost banks

my heart in fear of losing
a friend i never truely befriended
and never could have comprehended


[This message has been edited by Ron (06-25-2011 10:09 AM).]

© Copyright 2000 Salooma - All Rights Reserved
Jose Marti
Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374
washing DC
1 posted 2000-08-02 12:23 PM


Very nice poem. I can feel the emotion. I enjoyed reading it tremendously. You might try calling it "If only"
jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
2 posted 2000-08-02 12:43 PM


Excellent poem, I enjoyed it a lot. You could call it "Silence Speaks Alone" or something. Good job!
Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

3 posted 2000-08-02 10:33 AM


Thanks a lot you guys....I haven't decided yet, but I'll keep your titles in mind. I really like Silience Speaks Alone....

Thanks,
Salooma

mystique
Junior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 22

4 posted 2000-08-02 12:15 PM


I really enjoyed this poem.  But you know if there is no title it leaves it mysterious. Let people guess!  Thanks again for your encouraging words.

mystique

Chel
Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA
5 posted 2000-08-02 03:06 PM


Great poem.  Keep up the good work.

Chel


"True friends stab you in the front"
"True love last forever"

Tara
Member
since 2000-02-21
Posts 76
Minnesota
6 posted 2000-08-02 04:59 PM


Loved it lots.  I like silence speaks alone too.  that sounds really cool.  Cant' wait to read more.....Tara
Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

7 posted 2000-08-03 12:42 PM


thanks a lot you guys i appreciate your comments....i guess i'm gonna leave it like this for a while and let people tell they're sugustions....

salooma
but i'm still liking "silience speaks alone" thanks jeremy.

jeremydraul
Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118
State of Despair
8 posted 2000-08-03 06:35 AM


Thanks Salooma. It just came to mind. Im flattered you'd name it that. Good Luck and keep writing!

,._-=-~^* Jeremy *^~-=-_.,

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2000-08-03 09:23 AM


Salooma,
I enjoyed this poem a lot...

thanks for sharing... I would have called this "Caught In A Web", but you could call it anything, it woudl remain a good poem all the same...

regards,
sudhir

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-18
Posts 733

10 posted 2000-08-03 01:46 PM


Very good.  I liked it a lot.  Keep writing
Bel

Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

11 posted 2000-08-05 10:22 PM


Thanks for the comments....I like "Caught in a Web" as well Sudhir, but I don't know yet. I guess naming it would give the mystery away as you said mystique and I kinda like the mystery in it. Thanks again for the kind words!

Salooma

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A
12 posted 2000-08-05 11:15 PM


"Internally Yours"  would be a nice title I think...actually, I like that one, so if you don't use it, I will..hehe.  Your words of my poetry were so kind and now and dwell in your shadow...how ironic.

"Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade."

Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

13 posted 2000-08-06 01:23 AM


Thanks a lot Jeremy...kinda confusing with two of you. Anyways another wonderful title, but I think I'll go with mystique's advice and go with nothing for now, so you are free to use it as you please, but be sure to post it as well! I'm glad you decided to continue writing, I'm sure in a couple more years you will be too!

Salooma

Erin
Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527
~Chicago~
14 posted 2000-10-03 10:53 PM


Salma~This is wonderful...I dont know how I missed it...And I am truely sorry...Thank you for sharing it...Even if my post is just a little bit late...Good job!!!

~*Love is sometimes like a rose. Beautiful in the beginning but dies in the end.*~

Jacman
Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291
Dwight Il, US
15 posted 2000-10-04 10:56 AM


Hi Salma, If you wanted to you could call it pizza, rigatoni, lasagna, or macaroni and cheese.  Oh wait that wasn't me talking, I am just starving to death.

Seriously though, I'm horrible at titles.  I usually just pick one line out of the poem, or I'll just think of a title and write the poem around it.  But who cares what I do, because you did a great job on this poem.  Whatever you call it.

jason

I'm not concieted...I'm convinced.

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
16 posted 2000-10-04 03:55 PM


......oops ....

[This message has been edited by Lakewalker (edited 10-04-2000).]

Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
17 posted 2000-10-04 03:56 PM


I'm bad with titles too, so I can't help you there.  I really like this poem though !

"my heart in fear of losing
a friend i never truely befriended
and never could have comprehended"

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