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Teen Poetry #3
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LyricFetish
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina

0 posted 2000-07-29 05:30 PM


She's haunted by your face
The memory of your touch
Your words she can't erase
Your love, your hope, your lies

She laughs when we can hear
But her smile is of stone
She's chased by unseen fear
And at night we hear her cries

The girl she was is gone
You took with you her soul
You may think you have won
But you've only lit the fire

No matter where you are
You'll always feel her pain
Which like a raging war
Howls outside your desire



If I could read your mind,
What would you say?
Would it take my breath away?
*Human

© Copyright 2000 Meredith - All Rights Reserved
Erin
Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527
~Chicago~
1 posted 2000-07-29 05:40 PM


very intresting...i like your work alot...keep up the good work...

~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~

sherm
Member
since 2000-07-21
Posts 94
Evansville,IN
2 posted 2000-07-30 03:04 AM


very deep     i like it a lot    keep up the good work
LyricFetish
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina
3 posted 2000-07-30 03:45 PM


Hey, my thanks to you both for praising my work. In a way I wrote this in the third person about myself, but I also made the situation much more dramatic than it was for the sake of powerful wording. So don't think I'm really a shattered individual, guys. I'm just.......haunted. HA! Bye now.

*~Meredith~*

If I could read your mind,
What would you say?
Would it take my breath away?
*Human

TearsOfPearls
Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa
4 posted 2000-07-30 03:50 PM


Another work of art. I am in awe of your talent. I have treid writing one or two poems in the thhird person about myself, no with the same success, hehe, but I tried.

Wonderful poem, keep the good stuff rolling.

Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach.

Chel
Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA
5 posted 2000-07-31 09:37 AM


Nice work.  I enjoyed reading this.  Keep up the great work.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front"
"True love last forever"

Salooma
Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781

6 posted 2000-07-31 09:42 AM


great read filled with emotion....it flows very nicely. I enjoyed it a lot!

Salooma

Jacman
Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291
Dwight Il, US
7 posted 2000-07-31 10:44 AM


This is very.....haunting.  Excellent job at displaying the theme.  good show.

jason

Just as soon as I belong, then it's time I disapear...
-Metallica-

Tara
Member
since 2000-02-21
Posts 76
Minnesota
8 posted 2000-07-31 06:59 PM


i really like this poem.  i especially liked the rhyme scheme you used.  i've never seen that before.  keep up the good work.  Tara
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