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Teen Poetry #3
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sweetstuff101
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375
OK, USA

0 posted 2000-07-29 03:05 PM


please read and tell me what you think, thanx.


Saying Good-bye

From the moment I first saw you,
I had images of us together,
Holding each other in arms forever.
When you walked by
My stomach sank to my feet,
My jubilant heart floated
To an unfamiliar place,
The exhilarating thrill devoured me whole,
The uncontainable joy I felt,
The uncontrollable bliss,
The way you made me feel was undeniable.
Every time we talked
My pulse quickened,
My heart raced.
You appeared to like me too,
But how could this be?
I never thought I stood a chance.
Your elegant charm,
Your intriguing ways,
Your desirable attraction,
All seemed to be coming at me with intense might.
But it was nothing but a game.
You never really wanted me,
You were only playing with my head,
And toying with my heart.
But I was the fool,
For falling for your heartless act.
Still, I cannot change the way I feel.
I want to be near you,
I want to be with you,
I want to hold you,
I want to feel your warm embrace,
But more than anything
I want to be over you.



~People R supposed 2 B luved, and things R supposed 2 B used; most of our problems stem from realiTy: Things R luved and People R used~

© Copyright 2000 Priscilla - All Rights Reserved
Erin
Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527
~Chicago~
1 posted 2000-07-29 03:46 PM


well i am sorry that you have to go through this...but it just a consequence of life that we all go through...stay strong...

~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~

Chel
Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511
Baltimore, MD, USA
2 posted 2000-07-29 07:57 PM


I am sorry to hear that this happened to you.  I know the feeling all to well.  I wish I could say that it won't happen ever again, but I can't.  Just keep your head up.  Great poem, though,  Keep up the good work.

Chel

"True friends stab you in the front"
"True love last forever"

Kittie
Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 103

3 posted 2000-07-29 09:33 PM


I feel very bad for the pain that has been put on you. Sometimes things happen in life, but then you can't change it.  The ending is really wonderful, and there doesn't really appear that more could be said because so much is being said. Hang in there
Kittie



sherm
Member
since 2000-07-21
Posts 94
Evansville,IN
4 posted 2000-07-30 03:14 AM


that really sucks having to go through that pain    i hope you can feel better soon   if you start to feel down ever just wright down your feelings and come up with another great poem like this one
sweetstuff101
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375
OK, USA
5 posted 2000-07-30 03:08 PM


thanks you all, i have been feeling a lot better lately  

Well thanx for reading

Luv,
  ~*~sweetstuff~*~


~People R supposed 2 B luved, and things R supposed 2 B used; most of our problems stem from realiTy: Things R luved and People R used~

mr0001
Junior Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 39

6 posted 2000-07-30 03:23 PM


good job on this one!! it's so unfair that we have to go through this stuff in love and, in your case, supposed love, but in the end it makes the right guy out there seem even more perfect    

      mr





"crazy" is just who you are...amplified.

some people draw the outlines in life, i chose to add the color.


TearsOfPearls
Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa
7 posted 2000-07-30 03:40 PM


This is a great poem ss101, it has a nice rhythm to it, i liked reading it.

Sorry for the pain you felt, but that which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

Keep up the good suff.

Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach.

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
8 posted 2000-10-03 09:27 PM


A job well done. Specially, with the change in events in the poem.  Flowed just right thru the entire poem.  I just felt bad in the end cause I thought that this would be a happy ending    keep up the good work

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR


Lakewalker
Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people
9 posted 2000-10-04 03:13 PM


This really had my attention and flowed well.  You have a great ability to express yourself.  Very well done!  
sweetstuff101
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375
OK, USA
10 posted 2000-10-04 04:02 PM


thanks you all, for your replies.

Luv, SweetStuff


~*~ YeStErDaY iS tHe PaSt, 2mOrRoW iS ThE fUtUrE, ToDaY iS a GiFt, ThAt'S wHy We CaLl iT ThE pReSeNt. ~*~


Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
11 posted 2000-10-04 04:08 PM


Oh wow! I do understand those feelings, I hate being toyed with... It'll get better hun. Good writing here.
Jenn

"He's mastered the art, of looking sincere, his eyes have a way, of making you stay, don't look in the mirror"- Chely Wright

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