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Jacman
Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291
Dwight Il, US

0 posted 2000-07-13 05:33 PM


I wrote this simple little piece after seeing my first funnel cloud.  It scared me to death, so bad that I can't sleep during a storm for fear of not being able to wake up and find shelter.  Well, I hope that you like it.


The storm descends accross the prairie.
The trees are as warriors with
the backdrop of the comeing battle
marching its way towards me.
Broken light illuminates the sky.
I see a vision in the cloud
but it is taken away, vanishing
into the souls of the angry ones
With only a false pretence of
peace around me, I stand my ground.
For the storm brings not peace.
All is silent but for the wind
pushing through the meadow towards me.
A low rumble quakes from the
battling over the heavens.
Chaos falls from the sky.
Pelting its way to the black earth.
The sky is green with envy
of the life springing up below it.
The time has come to unleash hell.

© Copyright 2000 Jason Allen Carmen - All Rights Reserved
Kittie
Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 103

1 posted 2000-07-13 05:39 PM


This is really well written and the ending is... just wonderful, I really like the poem a lot.  Keep up the great work
Kittie



Lovely_Kris
Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 176

2 posted 2000-07-13 06:26 PM


I think this is a wounderful poem. I know storms can be scary. I hope to read more and keep up the great work.

Lovely_Kris

BabyGirl1
Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 91
Morris, IL
3 posted 2000-07-14 12:10 PM


Wow!  This is a wonderful poem Jay.  I never knew you had so much talent in you.  My boys are so talented    You really did capture the essence of the storm.  I am absolutly terrified of storms, so I really didn't like the whole idea of the poem, but after reading it I loved it.  But, I'm still scared of storms.

"We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can fly only by embracing each other."

-Luciano de Crescenzo-

The_Driven
Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 60

4 posted 2000-07-14 12:11 PM


i think it's interesting how you explain why it storms. I enjoyed reading the poem, and the last two lines are nice. good job!
LoveBug
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697

5 posted 2000-07-14 12:47 PM


This is a wonderful choice for your 100th post. Congrats!   I'm lucky enough to live in the mountains, where funnel-clouds are rare. I hope you feel you can sleep safely soon!  

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea

LyricFetish
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina
6 posted 2000-07-14 01:46 AM


This is a really cool poem! I've never seen a tornado, and I've always wanted to. But maybe I should just watch a documentory. Good writing!

*~Meredith~*

It's so obvious
That the promise
Keeps me here
Painting pictures where
All the colors
Disappear
*Lit

Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A
7 posted 2000-07-14 06:27 AM


MAN!!!!!  Your are the $H!+!!!!!  I've read this one before and I loved it just as much this time....Can I be your fan!?

Jeremy

"Time is the matter, and in a matter of that all wounds will heal and all scars shall fade."

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
8 posted 2000-07-14 06:54 AM


Congratulations on your 100th post Jacman!

Excellent writing here ... such imagery!
I felt like I was in the midst of the
storm myself. Really well done!

Best wishes,
/Kit

CLBinLOVE
Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147
Hilton Head, SC, USA
9 posted 2000-07-14 10:13 AM


oh oh oh gooooooood ending i love it
really evile!(i meant to spell it that way)
and felies coupleanos (or something to that effect, its supposed to mean happy birthday in spanish but i spelled it really wrong)
CLB

always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside for a while... :)

TearsOfPearls
Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa
10 posted 2000-07-14 06:09 PM


This is an excellent poem, I know nothing about tornado's ot what-ya-may-call-it-clouds, but i know this is a good poem.

Wonderful way you described the storm, and congrats on your 100th post.  

Keep up the good writing.

Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach.

Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
11 posted 2000-07-14 11:12 PM


This evokes the very feeling I feel when I see a huge storm....very well written, keep it up!  

*Krista Knutson*

"We are not seperate from spirit, we are in it." ~Plotinus~

StarPryncess17
Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932
Colorado
12 posted 2000-07-14 11:58 PM


ok so lately I've been busy as hell!! sorry kid! I know I have a lot of reading to do and I promise I'll get to it ASAP!! anyways, loved this poem! absolutely wonderful!!! Keep up the wonderful work! Hey kid I miss talking to ya, call me one of these days if ya can!! oh and as for ~CLB~it is "feliz cumpleanos" sorry, I just know spanish (sort of anyways) so I thought I would help out a little. anways, I miss ya Jason!! Talk to ya soon! Love Always~*~your pryncess jess~*~

~*~My fire is dead,it knew no pain; yet it is dead and I remain: All stiff with ice ashes lie;and they are dead, and I will die~*~

Linzi
Junior Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 35
Pennsylvania, USA
13 posted 2000-07-15 11:16 AM


Wow, that's a really great poem!  You almost get lost in the storm as you're reading it, it was like i was right there in the middle of it all. Great poem!

~*~Linzi~*~

"Ignore reality; there's nothing you can do about it" ~ Natalie Imbruglia


IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

14 posted 2000-07-15 12:12 PM


Great job.
I'm new to this forum so this is the first piece I read from you and I was impressed.  Very well wriiten and you pulled me in right at the begining w/ the metaphor:
The trees are as warriors with
the backdrop of the comeing battle

Look forward to read more of your poems,
IsGona

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
15 posted 2007-12-01 11:13 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #3 » When the sky turns green. (100th post)

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