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Teen Poetry #3
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LyricFetish
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina

0 posted 2000-07-07 11:42 AM


*This is a re-post from Teen Poetry # 2, but I'm getting it published, so I wanted to see what y'all think. Thanks!*


Blue was the ocean
As she crashed on the shore
Blue were her waves
Lapping on the moore
Blue was the world
Coming in with her tide
But black was the one
Who had long ago died

Red was the sun
As she dropped in the west
Red were her rays
Spilling forth from her breast
Red was the world
All ablaze in her light
But black was the one
Who awaited the night

Gold were her eyes
As she captured his trust
Gold were her words
Causing anger, pain, lust
Gold was her world
Only fools' gold, and yet
Black is the one
Who will never forget

Blue is your faith
May it never expire
Red is your heart
May it quench your desire
Gold is your life
Be it truth or charade
But black is your sin
Who have you betrayed?




I am none but the angel
Who sings you to sleep
As you pray to God
Your soul to keep
*Me

© Copyright 2000 Meredith - All Rights Reserved
Jacman
Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291
Dwight Il, US
1 posted 2000-07-07 12:19 PM


This is an awesome piece.  I can see why it should be published.  This is the best example of metaphore I've seen yet.  This is great, now I'm going to go and read all of your stuff.

jason

StarPryncess17
Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932
Colorado
2 posted 2000-07-07 02:39 PM


Lf~this was so beautiful! I'm so astonished by your words that I'm at a loss for them!! You are a very talented writer and deserve the publishment! (if that's even a word!) you have such a way with words~now I'm all inspired!   hehe  anyways, wonderful piece! Keep it up!
Love Always~*~Jessica~*~


~*~My fire is dead,it knew no pain; yet it is dead and I remain: All stiff with ice ashes lie;and they are dead, and I will die~*~

LyricFetish
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528
North Carolina
3 posted 2000-07-08 11:18 AM


My thanks to both of you. I love poetry sooo much! I really love reading what everyone has written, and I love hearing what everyone thinks about my stuff. Thank you all for your support!

*~Meredith~*

I am none but the angel
Who sings you to sleep
As you pray to God
Your soul to keep
*Me

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
4 posted 2000-07-08 12:44 PM


Very beautiful Meredith!  The flow in this is just lovely ... well done!

Best wishes,
/Kit

TearsOfPearls
Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa
5 posted 2000-07-08 05:37 PM


All of your work astonishes me. I have this poetry book, and I hope you don't mind, but I got "Through God's eyes" in there.

This poem is amazing and you definately deserve publishing. Keep up the good writing.

Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach.

Linzi
Junior Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 35
Pennsylvania, USA
6 posted 2000-07-08 06:02 PM


Wow! That's absolutely amazing!  I love every bit of it! Especially the last stanza and how it ties everything together...It's just breath taking!  I agree, It definitely deserves publishing!!!

~*~Linzi~*~

"Ignore reality; there's nothing you can do about it" ~ Natalie Imbruglia


Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
7 posted 2007-12-01 10:45 PM


Enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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