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Teen Poetry #3
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Keep my mouth shut
| Teen Poetry #3 |
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Keep my mouth shut |
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Wicced_Witch Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 110Clarksville, TN, USA |
I didn't really like this one, but I thought I would post it and get other peoples opinion and maybe a few suggestions to make it better. Some times I wonder what happened, and why your emotions went away. What really went wrong between us? Why did our relationship change? We used to be here for each other, now you just lock everything inside. How can i start to help you, when you won't even let me try? How can you expect me to be open? Tell you what I do with my friends. There was a time when I would have, but you put that to an end. Don't get mad because you don't know everything. You no longer have that right. You don't even use it to help me, just against me when we fight. Love is a two way street, bro. and I won't ask you to open up. Thats where you have to decide. Just expect me to keep my mouth shut. So dont worry about all that I do. You're the one who stopped talking me. What's mine is mine, the way yours will be your's For now, thats how it'll have to be. [This message has been edited by Wicced_Witch (edited 07-08-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Stephanie Elliott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Chel Senior Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 511Baltimore, MD, USA |
I really enjoyed reading this poem. I don't think you need to change it, just keep it the way it is. I think I have an idea for a title. "You Turned Away" I don't know, but I think you can work with it. Keep your head up always. Chel "True friends stab you in the front" "Always do your best, you will always succeed" |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
I agree with chel. this is a great poem and it expresses alot of strong emotion and feeling. as for a title, how about using a the line from the poem... keep my mouth shut. keep up the good work. jason |
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TAP2 Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 211Morris, Il USA |
Good job expressing how you feel about this person. Once a person has cut you off from them, they need to cut themselves off from you. Or learn to be friend and not try to lord over you. Thomas P.S. agree with Jacman on the title. You got my vote. [This message has been edited by TAP2 (edited 07-07-2000).] |
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Wicced_Witch Member
since 2000-02-06
Posts 110Clarksville, TN, USA |
I just wanted to thank Jason and Thomas, I thought about it and really liked your idea for a title..thanks again Stephanie |
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TearsOfPearls Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 322Vereeniging, South-Africa |
I loved this poem, so much emotion in it. I think any two of those suggestions will be perect for a title. Keep up the good work Waves...amazing hey? Wind blowing over smoothe ocean water creates shear. The longer the wind blows, and the futher the fetch, the more energy gets transferred from the wind to the water. What started off as a breeze 1 000km away, ends up as a glass-faced barrel at some far off beach. |
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Linzi Junior Member
since 2000-07-08
Posts 35Pennsylvania, USA |
Wow, that hits extremely close to home..I'm going through that very same thing with my best friend right now, and you described it Perfectly. Great poem, and I agree, I don't think you have to change anything! Keep it up! ~*~Linzi~*~ "Ignore reality; there's nothing you can do about it" ~ Natalie Imbruglia |
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**AANGELLE** Junior Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 45 |
This is a great poem and I agree with the others about not changing anything. I was sad to hear you are drifting away from this person. Hope things change for the better soon!!! The ideas for the titles are good too though I think "Keep my mouth shut" caught my eye!! AAngele  |
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Jacman Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 291Dwight Il, US |
Glad to have been a help. Talk at you later  jason |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Enjoyed ARCTIC WIND |
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