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LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

0 posted 2000-06-20 12:06 PM

I caught a piece of Heaven today
A treasure more precious than gold
And I am still in disbelief
Of this treasure I got to behold

But this treasure is fleeing, you see
And I still don't know
Why I had to give it up
And let my treasure go

Like a single drop of water
Upon dry and thirsty lips
The treasure teased as it went by
Brushing my fingertips

I waited all my life to touch
This treat treasure, you see
But a touch is all I got
It wasn't meant to be

And once again I have to behold
It from afar, as before
I'm grateful for the touch I got
Although I wish for more

I caught a piece of Heaven today
A treasure more precious than gold
Maybe if I held it tighter...

I guess I'll never know

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

1 posted 2000-06-20 12:43 PM

this is a great poem. i think you should summit it for the book if you do you have my vote. good job

I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul

Novacaine For The Soul
Member

since 2000-05-26

Posts 122
New Orleans

2 posted 2000-06-20 02:27 PM

dear lovebug,

this is the first i've read of your work since i was here long ago under a different name... you've improved by leaps and bounds, i'm sincerely impressed... i can't say i care for the seperation of the last line from the last stanza... i think a reader that understands poetry will always read the last line with the weight it deserves without any editorial assistance from the writer... on a more personal note, it's good to see that you're the new moderator in the forum, it seems you're doing a wonderful job

thank you for being willing to take on such a demanding task... and know that you ARE appreciated...

sincerely,
a sad tomato

you're such a beautiful freak... i wish there were more just like you...

Crystalina123
Member

since 2000-01-31

Posts 228

3 posted 2000-06-20 02:40 PM

Yes Lovebug you are appreciated as the moderator! I like his poem because it's so metaphorical. Heaven can mean so many different things to many people. For example the reader will never know whether "heaven" is a guy or that winning goal in the big game or the A in a hard class, etc. I agree with novacaine about the last line. I don't like the seperation but htta's all in taste. This WOULD be a good book submissin though!

Love,
Crystal

Maybe God has us meet a few wrong people so that when we meet the right one we can truly appreciate the gift.

Erin
Member Elite

since 2000-06-15

Posts 2527
~Chicago~

4 posted 2000-10-02 02:53 AM

Lovebug~
This is amazing!!!Wow what a poem...I feel as if I am speechless...But I have some things to say...I really love the way you ended this one...Wow Im glad that I got the chance to read it...(sorry that its a little late though)...

It TaKeS a MiNuTe To LiKe SoMeOnE, aN hOuR tO hAvE a CrUsH oN sOmEoNe & A dAy To FaLl In LoVe, BuT iT tAkEs A lIfEtImE tO fOrGeT sOmEoNe.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

5 posted 2000-10-02 02:03 PM

I like the ending to this too, I think it's perfect. The repition is great too, nice poem

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

6 posted 2000-10-02 03:16 PM

Thanks for the replies, guys! Needless to say, I was surprised to see this topic back... but that makes me appreciate the feedback all the more.

False gems may shine as brightly as the genuine article, but there are always those who can tell the difference.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2000-10-02 03:52 PM

I've never had the chance to read any of your poems before as far as i remember. I'm glad I did read this. Your description of events from this person's arrival to his departure from your life made me feel a lot of emotions. i love it

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

8 posted 2000-10-02 10:47 PM

I enjoyed your thoughts in this Erica! It teases the reader to wonder just what beautiful treasure you held so fleatingly ... a lovely read!

Best wishes,
/Kit

LyricFetish
Senior Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 528
North Carolina

9 posted 2000-10-02 10:56 PM

THIS IS SOOOOO COOL!!
sorry, had to get that outta my system. Wow, I really love this poem. It's just........amazing........yeah. You rock!

*~Meredith~*

I'll just keep on laughing,
Hiding the tears in my eyes...
*Oleander

sweetstuff101
Member

since 2000-07-27

Posts 375
OK, USA

10 posted 2000-10-02 11:15 PM

that was awesome!! I really liked that! Great work, Keep writing!!

Luv,
~*~SweetStuff~*~

~*~ YeStErDaY iS tHe PaSt, 2mOrRoW iS ThE fUtUrE, ToDaY iS a GiFt, ThAt'S wHy We CaLl iT ThE pReSeNt. ~*~

Caz
Member

since 2000-09-13

Posts 133
Concepción, Chile

11 posted 2000-10-02 11:21 PM

This is great, it's great to feel moderators close to us, and it's a good way to mee us. It's great that you become another one of us, maybe you should post poems here, I think we all want to hear from you. We really enjoy when you reply to our poems, so I think this is a good way to say thanks. Well, it's great that you share with us, and please post again. Bye.

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