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Passions in Poetry

White Trash

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BitterSmoke
Member
since 01-02-2001
Posts 56


0 posted 01-04-2001 04:26 PM       View Profile for BitterSmoke   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BitterSmoke


  I met a woman at a bar.
  She was 23 years old.
  She had a exhusband and kids.
  Her exhusband "jimmy" was an loser.
  She carried a handgun in her car.
  
  We sat on a park bench and cryed that night.

  I cryed because I was talking to white trash.
  She cryed because she was at a bar, 1:30 am on a    wensday talking to me.
© Copyright 2001 BitterSmoke - All Rights Reserved
HiddenSparklez
Member
since 12-29-2000
Posts 191
British Columbia, Canada


1 posted 01-04-2001 05:34 PM       View Profile for HiddenSparklez   Email HiddenSparklez   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for HiddenSparklez

Very interesting, maybe you could elborate more on maybe "white trash". Other than that, maybe you could extent on the feelings felt between you and the woman on the park bench. Keep working at it!
a-alibaster
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since 01-08-2000
Posts 399


2 posted 01-04-2001 07:02 PM       View Profile for a-alibaster   Email a-alibaster   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit a-alibaster's Home Page   View IP for a-alibaster

I think the idea behind this is wonderful...every day things that can and do happen. I agree with the above statement though, just need to tell a bit more of the story here...tell why she be white trash (or why you think that) and why you are in the bar.
This sort of reminds me of the way a song I like very much is written...Don't know your age, but if you can find the song, you might see what I mean. It is called "never say never" by Romeo Void. Not saying you will like the music just will understand what I ment by it reminding me of your style here.
Until...ali


"There is an alter ego which
dwells in every soul..."
a-alibaster

"I am as I am, nothing more, nothing less,
I am tears of pain, tears of Death.
BitterSmoke
Member
since 01-02-2001
Posts 56


3 posted 01-04-2001 08:13 PM       View Profile for BitterSmoke   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BitterSmoke



Thanks for your comments I appretiate the honest feedback.
 
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