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Dark Poetry #2
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fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958


0 posted 2000-11-19 04:30 AM


We are the fallen ones.
We are the dead ones.

We've forgotten our true purpose in life, and instead
Gotten lost in the green haze of the Ephemeral god.

A few years ago, my brother asked me,
"Do you remember the steeple at the church we used to go to,
Or the sunday school we used to play around in?"

"No," I said coldly.
But we both knew I was lying.
He never asked me that question again.
We both knew that it would make all too painfully obvious,
The mistake we'd made.

And so we trample upon egg shells, indifferently.
The egg shells are the good intentions that pave the
Road we are on.
They are the happy memories of ideas and proposals
For what we wished to do with the power that we now have.

I can't see very far ahead of me now.
It's too hazy.  I can't even see my own brother anymore.
Now we have to fend for ourselves, amidst this
Green fog.

We will never leave this, the hell we've created.
For the ideas and intentions of our youth are what
Pave the road to our creation.

Here, we are God.
And we shall always be God.

We have replaced God with the imperfect.
And so this is how it will be.
This is how it will end.

And there is no turning back now.

© Copyright 2000 fractal007 - All Rights Reserved
taramw
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738

1 posted 2000-11-19 09:19 PM


Good piece of writing fractal007  

We will never leave this, the hell we've created.
For the ideas and intentions of our youth are what
Pave the road to our creation.

Terrific!   Take care.

~ Tara ~


"A poem should not mean, but be" - Archibald MacLeish

Broken Wings
Member
since 2000-03-18
Posts 157
Miami, FL.
2 posted 2000-11-19 10:29 PM


yes, good work! maybe the answer lies in returning to what you once replaced.


take care


"As you learn and grow, you will realize the greater the pain, the greater the growth."
-IYANLA VANZANT


OLIAS
Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090
Pearl city Iowa
3 posted 2000-11-19 10:37 PM


"And so we trample on egg shells", very thought prevoking piece, well written with power and conviction. I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing.

Regards,
Olias.

Jannel
Member
since 2000-01-18
Posts 492
Muncie, IN, USA
4 posted 2000-11-20 11:57 AM


i really liked the story-telling fromat of this, as well as all it implied.  the part about lying to the brother was really wel-written. i just generally liked it.

jann elizabeth

Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
5 posted 2000-11-26 01:26 AM


This was simply wonderful!
I loved this poem. I loved the story telling format in it aswell and i think the message of this poem rocks! Pretty sad considering this imperfection is what guides us to even more imperfections.
We're trapped in this ever cirle of nowhere



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I hate your socks. I'd like to burn them!


DJLI
Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 237
TN, USA
6 posted 2000-11-26 07:26 PM


Just like every one else, I think the message in this a powerful one.  You're emotions in this poem are strong, and show you really care for what your talking about. Looking forward to more.  

P.L.U.R.

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