Beautiful....rewrite...please respond

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a-alibaster
Member

since 2000-01-08

Posts 392

0 posted 2000-09-26 10:16 AM

Beautiful

He sat silently apart from the sociality
of the others.
Head bowed, slightly
in a futile attempt to hide
within the shadows of
the ambiguous candlelight.
Uttering not a sound,
yet, his eyes speaking with implicit invitation.
Drawn to his unhampered mystery
as never before.
My mind turned wildly with ravenous thought.
His steal gray eyes, enlaced with enchantment,
seemed to enslave as they whispered my name.
So perfect in his masculinity, yet,
so frail his demure.
I escaped wearily into his beauty.
The beauty of a creature feared
by those that judge with vicious harshness.
Unforgiving in his ways
and scorned for his existence.
He shivered slightly at my stare
as I stepped slowly into his expanse.
The frigidity of his skin
illuminating the air
and caressing my shadow gently.
Taken back
by this exquisite presence
as my heart beat uncontrollably
within my own corpus.
A intonation beyond sweet compare
escaped effortlessly from his divine form...
"I hear your willingness to feed my
starving desires.
I hear the precious blood
slipping ever so gently
through your longing veins.
Are you willing, willing
to love a creature such as I,
to join me in my solitude
for eternity?"
Without hesitation
nor slightest apprehension
I became one
with this beautifully
misunderstood creature
and drown with docile adoration
within his divested configuration
to discover passionate gallantry
within his pallid phlebotomy.
Beautiful.

"There is an alter ego which
dwells in every soul..."
a-alibaster

"I am as I am, nothing more, nothing less,
I am tears of pain, tears of Death.

Irish Rose
Member Patricius

since 2000-04-06

Posts 10263

1 posted 2000-09-26 08:11 PM

I confess I didn't fully understand this one, but I enjoyed it.

Kathleen

Isis
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-06

Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

2 posted 2000-09-27 07:03 PM

Things are not always as they seem!! Beautiful work hon

*Friendship is a horizon - which expands whenever we approach it...*
~Isis~Goddess~~Sovereign of the Spirit~

Jon Mewett
Senior Member

since 2000-03-04

Posts 1304

3 posted 2000-09-28 09:02 AM

There's a bit of Vampire in us all I guess!........reminds me of The Phantom Of The Opera......and that's not a bad thing.

Nice Writing

Jon

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

4 posted 2000-09-28 01:38 PM

Great story, I like this a lot.
Sandra

Jannel
Member

since 2000-01-18

Posts 492
Muncie, IN, USA

5 posted 2000-10-02 04:01 PM

this was a very beautiful portrait... vampiric? i really loved it.

jann elizabeth

Jannel
Member

since 2000-01-18

Posts 492
Muncie, IN, USA

6 posted 2000-10-02 05:53 PM

enchanting. a little vampiric? lovely and dark.

shadydaze
Member

since 2000-10-02

Posts 85

7 posted 2000-10-02 10:23 PM

what a matserpiece. worthy of many praises.
i enjoyed this tremendously. (by the way, is this poem about me?)