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The Way I Am
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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The Way I Am |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio 
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Hi yall yup i am back agian. this one is alittle differant. this is about me. the real me. not the smiling, funny guy i put on the outside, but the true broken angel that is inside me. now alot of you might look at me differently after this one. and thats ok. but this is what i was. and alot of times i hide my past. there is alot more then this that has happened and if yall wanna know all yall got to do is drop me and e-mail or respond here. well here it goes. i hope yall like it. tell me what you think. thanks The Way I Am So you think you know me?? You think you know whats in my mind well take my hand and walk with me lets see what you will find there arent to many people that have seen the real me they have only seen my wonderful acting showing them what i want them to see but that person isnt me my life just a foolish game deep down i am just lonley southern rebel branded with an outlaws name living off of wasted dreamz and memories that i let slip right threw my hands i aint even a human any more just a lonesome shell of a man on the outside i am a fresh and shining light but on the inside my heart is as black as night raised out on the streets doing what i had to to survive gang fights and drive by shootings hell i am lucky to be alive always moving around from town to town gypsy blood flows threw my viens i moved 17 times in 20 years thats enough to drive a man insane i was raised by my mother cuz my father didnt care he was off with my moms best friend having an affair left alone most of my life using darkness as my guide with a guitar in my hands and a switchblade at my side i have been shot at, stabed beat up and pushed around i have been raised up with the kings and thrown to the ground a heart made of stone that no one could get threw i thought thats how it was until the day that i met you It was you who broke down the walls, You who taught this heart to love, You who showed me light instead of darkness, Your my angel from above so i changed all of my ways and moved down south to be with you i gave up everything i had cuz i knew this love was true i was finaly living my dreamz i was were i always wanted to be i had a love, good friends, a stable home even had a trip to the sea i was oh so happy when i was laying in your arms you always held me close and comfort me and protected me from harm but then one cold day in june that all came crashing to an end you said that you have found another and that we should be only friends i couldnt beleave my ears i didnt want to beleave that it was true that i will never be back home in virginia and that forever i have lost you all of my hope went flowing down the drain i broke down and started to cry tear fell from my eyes like rain i always said that we were fate brought together by the angels from above so no matter what i will always care for you you will always be my true love i know you are married now and that pain cuts me like a knife cuz it should have been me walking down that isle i should be the one calling you my wife you still say that i am the man of your dreamz and that no one will know you like me if this is all still true then why didnt you marry me?? it happened agian my heart shatterd in two all happening the night that i lost you so now you know the real me the broken angel that i am not the happy loving soul that everyone thinks i am so its back to the streets for me once again i have lost my way waiting for another person to love me and take my pain away... Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jesse Jaymz - All Rights Reserved | |||
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CrEaTuRe Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 260Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia |
The feeling pouredinto this work of art is glowing out till one might feel blinded by it.You have shown be that i'm ain't the only one who have the similiar things happening in life ...... it's sad to see the one we love leave in the ways you never dream or even think of it ...... but it's better that you had them in your life for once rather then not having them at all.It really takes loadz of guts to write the feeling of the soul that's so deep into words.You will always have the respect and the friendship of mine eventhough you don't even know me ...... to you i give my hand in friendship for it one of the greatest treasures in life ..... will you accept it ???? that is left to you my friend .... *love comes into our life like a storm of sweet happiness then it leaves us with full of hurt and despair but the memories and feelings remain till our final breath * Love CoMeS To ThOsE WhO Still HoPe AlThOuGh They've BeeN DiSaPpOiNteD,To ThOsE WhO StiLL BeLiEvE AlThOuGh ThEy'Ve BeeN BeTraYeD,LoVe KeEpS ThEm GoInG |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
CrEaTuRe. *takes her hand* i would be a fool not to take your hand hun. i have been at this forum since january and this is the best thing anyone has said about me and my work. please e-mail me hun. or i will e-mail you what ever you like =) cant wait to hear from you. *hugs* thank you again hun. that comment meant alot to me love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
You finished it Jess! It's great hon, it took a lot of work and guts to get this out, I know! Congrats on a job well done!  Isis *Friendship is a horizon - which expands whenever we approach it...* ~Isis~Goddess~~Sovereign of the Spirit~ |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
You are really a good writer...Yes this is who I am also...a man that wants to love a woman and have a woman love me...I believe that it will happen for you...if you keep that thought...that desire...that dream...it might be exactly the one you had in mind...it might be someone you have already met....it might be a new one...but your love will come to you and you will know it and she will stick with you...believe it...I believe this for myself...keep your dreams and you will live your dreams...someone wants to love you just as much as you want to love them...James |
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taramw Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738 |
Not usually into long poems... but you kept me wanting to read right to the end! Wow! What a story... sorry it didn't all work out for you in the end... but one day you will find someone who will love you and stay, and forever at that! You take care.~ Tara ~ "A poem should not mean, but be" - Archibald MacLeish |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
Isis: yes babe i finaly finished it. =) it took me many hours of work and tears. but i finished it. i am glad you liked it. =) hope to talk to you soon sis. i miss ya. James: i hope i find that girl too. its the only thing i want and need in life. i am sorry that you had to live like me too. its a rough life for people like us but it makes us stronger. thanks. =) tara: i am glad that you read it hun. means alot to me when someone read my stuff. i know alot of my stuff is long. and that turns off alot of people. i am glad that you read the whole thing. it means alot to me. thanks hun Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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LM Senior Member
since 2000-08-03
Posts 585 |
Oh Jesse... it's really sad  She eventually got married? I was really hoping she'd change her mind or something... I hope this didn't get you off track completely, don't give up! It's not worth it to just go back to the streets and get into trouble again... You were talking about another girl who was supposed to go through an operation, how did that go? And I thought you had feelings for her too, aren't you together? Very beautifully written, nice expression of feelings. Take Care! "Most girls want a man with the mean green Don't wanna dance if he can't be Everything that I dream up A man that understands real love" |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
lm *hugs* thanks hun. yeah she did get married. i am sad too. as for the other girl, i love her with all my heart and i always will. but sadly i dont know if we will be together. in my heart we are together but alas i dont know. would i be with her??? hell yeah. but when reality sets in i get upset. i think i am a magnet for married women. hehehe and that is a really heart breaking magnent. thanks hun *hugs* love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
I am amazed and in total shock. Wow!!!I dont know what to say. You put your whole life into a poem which is something I dont think I would ever be able to do. It would be so hard. I have been through so much in so little time. I am someone who doesnt show their feelings straight out to. I dont think that I have ever read a poem better then this. It seems as if you poured ever bit of emotion you have into it. I commend you for having the courage to do it. So stand up and take a bow cause I am clapping for you!!! *Falling in love is when you give someone a piece of your heart, falling out of love is when the piece doesnt fit* |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Jesse email me my icq won't connect  *Friendship is a horizon - which expands whenever we approach it...* ~Isis~Goddess~~Sovereign of the Spirit~ |
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kitkat Senior Member
since 2000-01-11
Posts 878Nova Scotia |
Wow Jesse you did it..Showed the real you..I am proud of you friend..{{hugs you}} I know it was hard and things are sad for you now..but remember what I told you...Life is precious..and with friends you will heal and Love again..Take Care and talk with you soon. *kiss on the cheek for you* -------------- You got to get up every morning with a smile on your face and show the world all the love in your heart Then people are gonna treat you better You're gonna find, yes you will That your beautiful as you feel.~~~ Carol King |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
Jesse, never give up hope sweetie there is someone special out there for each one of us sometimes we just have to meet a few "wrong" people before we find that right one ... with each love we share with another we are learning the lessons of love and life and though it hurts like hell sometimes when we finally find that right person it makes all the pain and heartache worthwile ... thanks for sharing this it was a really beautiful poem |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
WOW YALL. i did not expect this to go over like it did. i thank you all. life is rough and seems to get rougher. just had a good friend die in a car crash. and reading this makes me feel great. normaly when i tell people about my past they run away. i am glad that no one ran here. thansk yall. fell free to e-mail me whenever yall want too. i always love to talk. love you all *hugs* jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
Hey welcome back we missed your great work & you I really liked this one. It even brought a tear to my happy eyes. Maybe i can relate to this one a little too closely. Maybe not the same experiences, but definatly the same fake smile. you came right out & put your specific experiences right out in the open like an open wound. i can never do that my experiences are to deep, too dark & meant to keep secret. i only told one other person (my keith) & if he leaves like yours left you, i wouldn't be able to go on, i would be left broken & shattered. anyway im babbling now. great poem!!! keep smiling & keep writing! it will get better, hell it can't get much worse right? Hope to see more from you soon LOVE ELMO <3 |
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CrEaTuRe Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 260Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia |
*smiles while looking at you* thanx dear for holding my hand  *blushes* i didn't know i was that sweet ..... i'll mail you as soon as i can or you can mail me too at lahre@hotmail.com co'z i'm kinda stuck with my assignments but i'll hope to hear from you soon ..... take care my dear friend Jaz Love CoMeS To ThOsE WhO Still HoPe AlThOuGh They've BeeN DiSaPpOiNteD,To ThOsE WhO StiLL BeLiEvE AlThOuGh ThEy'Ve BeeN BeTraYeD,LoVe KeEpS ThEm GoInG |
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CrEaTuRe Member
since 2000-01-01
Posts 260Kuala Lumpur,Malaysia |
*smiles while looking at you* thanx dear for holding my hand *blushes* i didn't know i was that sweet ..... i'll mail you as soon as i can or you can mail me too at lahre@hotmail.com co'z i'm kinda stuck with my assignments but i'll hope to hear from you soon ..... take care my dear friend Jaz Love CoMeS To ThOsE WhO Still HoPe AlThOuGh They've BeeN DiSaPpOiNteD,To ThOsE WhO StiLL BeLiEvE AlThOuGh ThEy'Ve BeeN BeTraYeD,LoVe KeEpS ThEm GoInG |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
elmo, *hugs her tight* until this poem i never told anyone either. the only one i told are my love, wanda. *the one who i lost* and my soulmate and true true sister lisa. thats it. i am just like you. i dont know if i really can go on. my body might go on and live, but my heart and soul will remain in virginia with her. married or not i still think that me and her are fate. i dont beleave in much anymore. but i do still beleave in me and her. lovers will come and lovers will go but she is the only on that will have my heart. i mean that *hugs her and starts to cry* Jaz: *hugs her tight too* yes what you said was very very very sweet. and i will e-mail you later hun. thank you very much. once you hold my hand i will never let go. for my friendship lives forever. cant wait to hear from you. and again thanks to everyone again. i was so afraid to post this poem. feeling that it showed to much of me. the real me. the me that i hide. i was also afraid that everyone would run away after hearing all of this. i was afriad that i would lose friends and make people hate me. but what i found is that i have gained respect and made more friends. and that makes all of this worth while. today i watched a dear friend go into her grave, a very somber and sad moment. i come on here with nothing but tears, but reading all of this makes this broken angel smile. thank you all. and i love yall more then anyone will know. and for those few that have touched me personaly i would like to thank them too. Isis, kitkat, catalinamoon, lone wolf, dkw, nikolette saddness, and there are alot others. i would like to thank you. yall have left marks on my heart that will never go away. thank you =) love you all jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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qtpieelmo Senior Member
since 2000-07-04
Posts 989Sesame Street :) hee hee ,NY |
Awe Jesse that's so sweet. Maybe it still is fate & maybe one day she will realize this & come back to you. I beleave that 2 people are made just for each other & once you find that person, you are together forever, there's no changing who you are destined to be with. I dunno this is just my opinion. Me & my boyfriend have broken up many times, but we've always found our way back to each other. I really think we were meant to be together, so maybe wanda is meant to be with you & if soo she will realize this in time & you too will be forever happy i hope so at least. Lots of Love & hugs LOVE ELMO <3 |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
elmo thanks hun. it means alot to hear that you feel the same way i do. who knows. mabey one day it will happen. i hope so =) or mabey i will find a new love. what i really need is to be held in someones arms and cry and cry. thanks for replying again hun. =) love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Hi Jesse, gosh this was quite something, and I know that your whole heart is in it. I haven't been at DP lately, so glad you sent that ICQ note, so I would see it. Hang in their, my friend, things are bad,but never give up, cause you never know when that wonderful thing will happen. Luv, Sandra PS I have been down lately too, thats why I have not been on line |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
hey hun *hugs* i have missed you onliine. thank you for the reply. =) i hope to see you soon. what is wrong hun?? i am here to help you. like you have helped me. =) thank you hun love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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Snowdwen Member
since 2000-09-16
Posts 75Louisiana |
Wow never in my life have I read something so deep.. Full of thought and emotions. This is really great work. Keep your chin up things will get much better. You'll find the one for you I just know it. I wish you love and happiness. I give you my hand in friendship as well. its up to you to take it. Michell "You live you learn and life moves on" |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
oh Michell *hugs* of course i will take your hand. thank you for your reply and good wishes. i am glad that so many people care about me. thank you all again =) hey Michell e-mail me. would love to talk =) love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Someone's in a lot of pain, very well expressed. Kathleen |
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seraphin Senior Member
since 2000-09-24
Posts 1004Michigan |
I'm new here, but I feel compelled to add. A good writer does not just feel pain, but they use words and imagery to allow others to feel it, too. Maybe that means a good writer will never suffer alone. You are a good writer. @}~~>~~~~ |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
irish rose *hugs* thank you hun. yes i am in alot of pain. i hope that i can get out of it. if only i was home in virginia. *sigh* thanks hunny seraphin *hugs to you too* thank you so much for your comment. and especialy for the rose. i love roses. thank you lots. love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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AngelShell Member
since 2000-03-01
Posts 446not heaven nor hell so... |
Wow, I really liked this one. Seems that there are a lot of things that happen in life that no one is really expecting and no one really thinks it will cange much, but it does. And for a brief flicker of time, it is the most wonderful thing in the world. Then, just as quickly as it came, it's gone, and the only thing you're left with are memories that sometimes cause more pain than the actual end. There's nothing any one can say that can take away the hurt and the pain. And just when you think you're doing fine, it happens again, and this time, you're hurting more because this time, not only do you hate the person for leaving you, but you hate yourself for letting it happen to you again. I haven't found an end to this vicious cycle yet, but believe me, I'm trying. Don't loose hope, there is something out there that's permanent apart from pain and loss. And you will find it. |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
angel *hugs* thank you so much. your reply has read my mind. that is exacly how i feel. and when you find a way to get out of this cycle please let me know. thank you so much for your reply. it means alot to me. =) love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Emotionally powerful writing here. It was honest and effective. I think I'm telling you this now, but I believe what you have lived is not who you necessarily are. My name isn't Baby, and I don't want to cyber. |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
thanks temptress. what you said is very true. *hugs* thank you hun love ya jesse Once upon a time there was a light in my life, now theres only love in the dark, There's nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart. |
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