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EWDrake
Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 183
NC, USA

0 posted 2000-07-31 07:10 PM


Cool Warmth
~for Arrie~

Quietly I open the door and glance inside,
though I wish nothing more than the ability
to shake you awake.

How can I bring you back to us both
as you break from sleep?

In the warmth and security of the bed
we have together made night and morn
for all the years since in me a younger man dwelled,
I watch as your flicker wanes.

Perhaps we did it too well,
and into our contentment
One saw fit to test with a little hell
the faith we never before thought to question.
I watch you stir and I miss
you even as your eyes meet mine.

Beautifully clear eyes today.
"Close the door, please. it's cold."
You pretend to smile as if we think it real.
"No, the blinds are fine, honey,"
as your eyes slip away.
"Yes, I'm sure it is a beautiful day,"
with exasperated sigh.

Powerlessly watching you withdraw,
I pray I can make you understand.
This is merely a task,
one we undertake together as any other.
You can't give up. It will get better.

I would pull you close and have you repeat after me
till neither could utter another anguished sound.
You can do this.

Awakened you slip further away.
My little engine that could,
know that you can do this too.
Never have you been less alone than now.
The desire to pull you in enfolds me
though I know you wish to sit in your silence and think.
I cannot bear to watch despair again settle so near.

With lips drawn and eyes closed
you concentrate on the cold fire
as it seeps into your veins
carrying its lethal messenger to battle the enemy
growing deep along your soul.

As your brow furrows, I know your simple prayer.
"Please God, let there when the final tally taken,
be more bad than good destroyed."

Then till night meets dark again
you sit and crumble
as my heart aches for you.
The blade twists and digs inside me.

And when you think I finally sleep beside you,
I know the grief as I feel you turn to your pillow.
Blanketed again in your silent misery
the tears seep out. I reach to hold you
and the silence of sleep pretends to fall.

Then morning slowly comes and in the shower
you find the demons standing
as the warm sudsy water pools over silken strands.

No warnings of possibility
could ever prepare you for this.
I find you in the corner hugging yourself,
shivering. feeling not the chill of the moment at hand
but the cold question of a reality
which you fear simply may no longer be.

As your mind shuts down
I see the glazed expression and I know
dilaudid as well as grief has kicked in.

Reach out, my darling, from your corner.
Know my warmth along still damp, cold skin.
Allow my voice to again sink in
as my whispers hold you
still cradled in warm arms, against loving skin.
Feel more than my hands as I lift you
and carry you back to bed.

Know more than the nearness of me
as my heat wraps round you.
This pain I cannot kiss away,
I cannot wish away.
I know.

Let me cradle you in the love you've given me.
Use our strength until again you stand strong.
My hands stroke the warmth as it returns.
I feel you tremble. You are not alone.
The tears wash over us both.


Evan Drake

( For Arrie, who will never be too very far away, and who finally learned that there are better ways than self isolation, as it hurts far more readily than it protects.)



© Copyright 2000 Evan W Drake - All Rights Reserved
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
1 posted 2000-07-31 07:52 PM


Evan, what a stunning piece of work, and a sad story. I hope the best for your friend.
catalinamoon

Practice can make anything perfect...even grief can become an art.
Merrit Malloy



Deborah1
Senior Member
since 2000-06-22
Posts 653
New Hampshire
2 posted 2000-07-31 07:58 PM


This was a beautiful peace, I felt alot of emotions while reading it, and it brought many clear images to my mind. I too hope the best for your friend!! Thanks for sharing this.

The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose...--Hada Bejar

MMoonchild
Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715
PA
3 posted 2000-08-01 12:44 PM


Let me cradle you in the love you've given me.
Use our strength until again you stand strong.
My hands stroke the warmth as it returns.
I feel you tremble. You are not alone.
The tears wash over us both.

*if you are half as real as your words...you are very special
~~softly
M


juliet_2u
Senior Member
since 2000-07-23
Posts 1125
North Carolina
4 posted 2000-08-01 02:57 AM


Evan, again you have blown me away. What a beautiful labor of love. God,s blessing on you and your friend.     Juls
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
5 posted 2000-08-01 03:44 AM


Stunning, one word. I can think of a million more, all trite. Evan, this is amazing. You've penned a piece of my heart here with your words. I have been here. And the last lines... oh too true. Much more painful.

Also:

Perhaps we did it too well,
and into our contentment
One saw fit to test with a little hell
the faith we never before thought to question.
I watch you stir and I miss
you even as your eyes meet mine.


Yep, that fits too.

Christopher

Nikolette Sadness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 337
port richey fl.
6 posted 2000-08-01 04:03 AM


this one made me very sad...because i have had alot of lose in my family...and it made me think of that...

Nik


i was once in love and happy...but you can call me Sadness.

EWDrake
Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 183
NC, USA
7 posted 2000-08-01 04:32 PM


Cat and Deborah,
Thank you ladies. This one was hard to write. I lost Arrie a bit back, but it took me a some time and distance to take scribbled words and emotion and sit down to put it into verse. I'm glad it touched you...

Maureen, I'm all too real. Take care, m'lady.

EVAN

With a long held breath given dark freedom, the single flame in sorrow's window flickers out.
~EWD~

EWDrake
Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 183
NC, USA
8 posted 2000-08-01 08:40 PM


Juls, thank you for the blessing and the warm response. This one is special to me, I must admit.
Take care,
Evan


With a long held breath given dark freedom, the single flame in sorrow's window flickers out.
~EWD~

EWDrake
Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 183
NC, USA
9 posted 2000-08-02 01:08 AM


Christoipher,

Nice words, Sir, as I have read your work as well. You have a fine ability with wordcraft. I enjoy your work very much.

Thank you,
EWD

With a long held breath given dark freedom, the single flame in sorrow's window flickers out.
~EWD~

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