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Dark Poetry #2
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thebeautybrat
Member
since 2000-03-30
Posts 114
Florida

0 posted 2000-07-24 11:44 PM


i'm feeling alone with no one here with me
like my heart was full but everything has been poured out.
the remains have all dried up.
i have so many emotions hiding inside me.
i don't want others to know how i'm feeling
i want everyone to be happy and get what they want.
i don't want them to feel like me
i want my good life that i once had
i want it to be the life i'm living now
i feel like i'm living someone's nightmare
i've never dreamed of this
i'm not happy with this life that people call mine
i feel like i've taken someone else's life
i feel like i've given them my old life
i was happy with that life
i want that life back
i want it to be the same as it was before
i want to leave this life behind
i have such a need for something else
something deep
something mine
and only mine.


[This message has been edited by thebeautybrat (edited 07-25-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Leave it at (not telling) - All Rights Reserved
thebeautybrat
Member
since 2000-03-30
Posts 114
Florida
1 posted 2000-07-25 12:39 PM


thank you all for taking the time to read my poem!! please tell me your thoughts!!

If you let love in your life you are either going to be happy or sad for the rest of your life.


taramw
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 738

2 posted 2000-07-25 05:46 AM


Hey, I can relate to your poem!    Written very well.
Broken_Heart
Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 57
Netherlands
3 posted 2000-07-25 05:59 AM


Great poem! You put your feelings in quite well... actually made a bit sad, as I can relate to your poem... Hope to see more of your work!!!


MMoonchild
Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715
PA
4 posted 2000-07-25 10:31 AM


beauty..I would have emailed you but you don't have one posted here..I think I found a few errors in your words..maybe I am wrong but I will put them in bold for you


i'm feeling alone with no one here with me
like my heart was full but everything has been poured out.
the remains have all dried up.
i have so many emotions hiding inside me.
i don't wan(want) others to know how i'm feeling
i want everyone to be happy and get what they want.
i don't want them to feel like me
i want my good life that i once had
i (don't)want it to be the life i'm living now
i feel like i'm living someone's nightmare
i've never dreamed of this
i'm not happy with this life that people call mine
i feel like i've taken someone else's life
i feel like i've given them my old life
i was happy with that life
i want that life back
i want it to be the same as it was before
i want to leave this life behind
i have such a need for something else
something deep
something mine
and only mine.

You may want to go in an edit and fix them..if they are what you meant..
not criticizing..just wanting to be helpful

and I loved the poem especially the ending
~~soft hugs
Maureen

DeathTrippy
Junior Member
since 2000-07-15
Posts 45
WY USA
5 posted 2000-07-25 12:03 PM


The memory of a better life always seems to lower the quality of life in the present.  Good work.
thebeautybrat
Member
since 2000-03-30
Posts 114
Florida
6 posted 2000-07-25 02:48 PM


thank you moonchild!! does neone know how to edit poems??

If you let love in your life you are either going to be happy or sad for the rest of your life.


Deborah1
Senior Member
since 2000-06-22
Posts 653
New Hampshire
7 posted 2000-07-25 03:33 PM


BeautyBrat, I think your doing a great job at expressing your feelings here. It reminds me of the times I wanted my life back as well, then it came time to reclaim what I had lost. I hope you can too!! Keep writing, I enjoy your poems!!

The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose...--Hada Bejar

thebeautybrat
Member
since 2000-03-30
Posts 114
Florida
8 posted 2000-07-25 08:00 PM


taramw- thank you for letting me know that you understnad my poem. i wasn't sure if everyone would know what i meant!!

broken heart- i'm sorry i made you sad. i'm glad that you can also relate!! thank you for reading my poem!!

moonchild- thank you for the help!! thanks also for paying such close attention!!

deathtrippy- i totally agree with your comment!! thank you for taking the time to tell me your comment!!

deborah1- i hope that sometime inthe near future my time to reclaim will come!! thank you for your nice thoughts!!

If you let love in your life you are either going to be happy or sad for the rest of your life.


MMoonchild
Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715
PA
9 posted 2000-07-25 08:30 PM


Beauty if you want to edit  click on the second icon next to the posting time  up above the poem it looks like a piece of paper then go in and  correct your mistakes  and then hit submit it will  leave the rest of your poem alone but will correct whatever you change..
I did love the poem by the way..
~~hugs
Maureen

Hardrock
Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 948
New Hampshire, USA
10 posted 2000-07-25 09:49 PM


See, Beauty?  See what a nice family we have here...all those nice comments, those helpful hints?  Stick around..you will enjoy it here.  Oh, and really nice poem.  Hardrock
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