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Who Cares (an autobiographical dissertation)
| Dark Poetry #2 |
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Who Cares (an autobiographical dissertation) |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone 
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It feels like I've been crying since 1969. I lost my virginity that summer- the same day man walked on the moon. It wasn't long after that the first betrayal came. (second if you count my father) A baby came, and he left. She has babes of her own now, and is betrayed just as cruelly. My friend was killed that year. (Benny was his name) In a cute little VW bug, in a head on collision, because he was distorted from his smoking habit. (the one supposed to take away the pain) Most of my friends were in that car. I could have been so easily. They survived, though scarred. Only Benny was gone- seventeen and a heart of gold. No chances left. I still see him lying in that box. That same year, another friend went to Vietnam. He came home. I suppose he was fortunate in that. He brought a fierce heroin habt with him. No other way to cope. Future gone-no one cared. Back then I wrote my heart on any scrap of paper I could find. No one noticed-my heart remained unknown. The 70's dried my tears. I was too busy dancing away my pain (trying to) to have enrgy to cry. My eyes burned with fatigue, and I danced on. Long nights, flashing lights, partners of choice. I never tried coke, though I often wonder what I missed. A better oblivion? I was confused enough without help.. I fell in love more times than I should have. So many men to miss. I miss them still. College years rushed by in a haze of emotional wreckage. I didn't write anymore. A teacher, Mr. Brown as I recall, said I would never write successfully, I was too emotional. I believed him, thus fulfilling his prophecy. I still can't forgive him. His casual edict crushed a hopeful spirit. I remember the day Jesse Jackson came to campus. He set us on fire with patriotic fervor. We marched, hundreds of us, through the streets to city hall, to register to vote. I was certain then, my vote would make a difference. Four years later he ran for president. I campaigned with all my heart. No one cared. I was so desperate to change the world, and I couldn't even change myself. Fast forward 20 years. Things are different, yet so simiilar. I'm a little smarter, a little bitter. More aware of what can never be. But still confused, lonely, unknown. Betrayals continue unabated. Love still offered and rejected. The world is uglier now. And we thought it could get no worse. People still sleep on the streets, hungry, cold, in a country full of food and shelter. Women and children are abused more than ever. Disease is rampant. Artistic communities decimated by a simple virus. Creative minds snuffed out. Entire countries dying slowly. I still search for answers that can never be found. I still hold out hope for love, accepting disseminated shreds of affection in it's place. I write again now. It has become a need. My heart re-exposed after all these years. And still the tears flow unstaunched, my love begs for solace, my words fall unnoticed. And who really cares... |
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| © Copyright 2000 Sandra - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~I care, and I notice!!! Cat,...my goodness, I could have read that forever....I was consumed there in your outpour, I love it,....really,..really enjoyed this,...like a little window into you. Mmm,...keep going. Stunning work. Truly. Be well C. *Peace. |
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Hardrock Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 948New Hampshire, USA |
Sandra...I care...I care deeply. And I understand too. Thank you for this unparalleled glimpse into your being. It takes guts to bare your soul...your eloquence in doing it is remarkable. Hardrock |
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DJLI Member
since 2000-06-21
Posts 237TN, USA |
being young I can't really say I know how it is or how you feel...but your words really do make me think about my future, and about my life right now...your words are beautiful. EVEN ANGELS FALL. |
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Magebeast Member
since 2000-07-19
Posts 60 |
This was a really powerful poem Cat. I hope the Sun comes out from behind the clouds for you... |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
I care sister traveller whose life's journeys are similar to my own, I have my own memory demons too, we all do. But know, we care, and I understand all too well.. *hugs* Now, feel a *tiny* bit better?? I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn..... ~Isis~ (Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit) |
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Jaysun C Member
since 2000-07-20
Posts 56 |
thank you, I noticed life likes to play roughf |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
myohmy, Cat! I am kind of speechless! This is such a sad poem. I am so sorry you’ve had such a bad time! And thanks for letting us know. I don’t think I’d have the guts to do that. I really admire the way you bring social criticism into your poems. That’s something I just can’t do, who knows why. But I feel the same way as you do. And I care about the world, and other people too. Lotharingia "Dreams are life, reality, creation" Miguel de Unanumo |
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Deborah1 Senior Member
since 2000-06-22
Posts 653New Hampshire |
Catalina...May I remind you everyday that I care my friend..you did an excellent job here, that takes alot of work to put this together, Im proud of you!!! Very Very Good!!!! The fragrance always stays in the hand that gives the rose...--Hada Bejar |
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Dark_kisses_Within Senior Member
since 2000-03-21
Posts 680Kansas |
Oh my goodness! That pouring of your soul made me speechless. (and that doesnt happen often) I feel for your past and your soon to be future. I too know the feeling of no one caring. Its a very sad feeling.. but HEY!!! You always have us here at Dark Passions. We will be your backbone if needed. Just call upon us.  Great Piece Cat!! DkW Once there was a darkness Deep and endless night You gave me everything you had Ahhhhhh you gave me light |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
I care Cat for what it is worth I do care. A wonderful poem, excellently written. THanks for sharing. And as for what your teacher said he was a fool, writing is all about emotion. why must we pray screaming? why must not death be redefined? we shut our eyes we stretch out our arms and whirl on a pane of glass-patti smith |
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LarBear Member
since 2000-06-23
Posts 138Kingston, New York |
Sandra, Well, in 1969, I was just born myself. Wow what a lifes expression. Like the others, what you share with us is special. No matter what has happened in your past life, we reconize the fact that you do write very,very good. I am just begining to see that life is harder, and not exactly what we were taught as kids.I am so very glad I stumbeled on Passions, it has been a way to relate to the others and to support. Sandra, thanks for your friendship and I care as well. LarBear |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Summer of 69...and many years after Were we really that bad? that naive? We thought we would change the world. You know... I think we really did help end the war. Very touching and very well done. I love it Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
We at Passions care!!! This was so touching and full of your heart. Proud of you for posting this for us to read. Great writing. Hang in there. Lone Wolf Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats |
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