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Dark Poetry #2
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Xeonox
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Senior Member
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764
CA, USA

0 posted 2000-07-06 12:56 PM


A drip at a time
To this I decline
Twines of souls
Snuggling in these dreadful bowls,
Stare for a moment
Bare to stand witness
End is nearer
As this poet grows fearer.



Ronil (What I say I live by and what I live by is what I create).

© Copyright 2000 Ronil B Tataria - All Rights Reserved
Wren
Member
since 2000-07-05
Posts 312

1 posted 2000-07-06 10:40 AM


Again, this is very good! I love your work!
Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S
2 posted 2000-07-06 02:33 PM


your idea is profound here i really like this one so i had to vote. keep it up my friend.

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-


Lonelypoet
Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 123
Conklin,NY,USA
3 posted 2000-07-06 10:07 PM


Xeonox,
Great poem, I liked how it was worded.

Dreams are the the gateways to making the impossible possible

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
4 posted 2000-07-06 10:57 PM


Well done all the way to the end.  I could be wrong, but don't believe there's such a word as "fearer".  Maybe change your last two lines just a little...I dunno, something like

'end is near
this poet knows (feels, etc.) fear.' or even a different choice of rhyming words.

just a thought...enjoyed this.

jwesley



[This message has been edited by jwesley (edited 07-06-2000).]

Xeonox
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5 posted 2000-07-24 01:37 AM


Your advice is well taken jwesley.  
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