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Dark Poetry #2
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SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396


0 posted 2000-07-05 08:10 PM


On the Tip Top

Tiptoeing on the tip top,
of a wooden picket fence.
Whispering my thoughts to the wind.
While wishing and waving and tripping,
seven feet above the earth.
Toes twisting and curling to begin.
Your beak poking me, nudging me to run.
More quickly and freely.
Until the wind whispers back
and whisks me away, on wings I worked for.
I'm losing you, I'm running scared,
and the pain's just right.


© Copyright 2000 SpitFire - All Rights Reserved
catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
1 posted 2000-07-05 09:07 PM


Wow, I like this a lot. Especially the last 2 lines.



"If a man moves you to feel like a woman,
the least you can do is let him."
Merrit Malloy

Hardrock
Senior Member
since 2000-02-14
Posts 948
New Hampshire, USA
2 posted 2000-07-05 09:14 PM


I really don't know what to say....it's just too beautiful for words.  Hardrock
Lone Wolf
Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
3 posted 2000-07-05 10:43 PM


SF, WOW!!  You are writing well my friend.  Sometimes we need the pain to let us know that what we are experiencing is a reality.  That is some image you conjured up.  Well done.  

LW


Poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility.
--William Wordsworth

lotharingia
Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897
saarbruecken, Germany
4 posted 2000-07-06 09:23 AM


A very beautiful and elegant poem. Perfect.

Lotharingia
"For God's sake, he's a poet. Poets are meant to feel miserable. Otherwise, what the hell are they here for? What are they going to write about?"
Tom Holland


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2000-07-06 10:05 AM


You have moved me again, Spitfire...I agree with all of the above, and yes, the last two lines were perfect.
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
6 posted 2000-07-06 11:03 AM


SpitFire-I had to check this out when you mentioned it and I must say; well done.  You really do listen to the wind.  You have inspired me to listen more closely.  Take care my friend.
Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S
7 posted 2000-07-06 02:38 PM


well well can i say this is great? cause it is. i enjoyed this very much and agree with the rest. but i must be honest in the first few lines i thought it was a cat then toward the end i found it to be a bird is that right or did i miss something vital?

I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson-


Wren
Member
since 2000-07-05
Posts 312

8 posted 2000-07-06 04:19 PM


This poem is perfect! Its beautiful! Great work!
insect
Senior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 1014

9 posted 2000-07-09 04:31 PM


"and the pain's just right" interesting?
See you On the tip top

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