Discombobulated (Revisited & revised)

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

0 posted 2000-06-18 12:11 PM

                    Swirling tumble,
                    twirling jumble,
                    tossed and turned,
                    and inverted spins.
                    Misty movements,
                    of disconcerted eyes.
                    Roiling thoughts,
                    bubble through constantly,
                    adding deeper frets,
                    into this furrowed brow.
                    Confusion is but fancy,
                    as the mind attempts,
                    its denial fate's aria.
                    Eternal fall of man,
                    into depths of unknown.
                    Dangerous slips haunt
                    as struggles for solidity,
                    continue incessantly.
                    Wishful hopes,
                    candycane dreams,
                    replaced by the cacophony,
                    of ignorant screams.
                    God it's great,
                    to be human.

                    ------------------
                    Dum spiro, spero
                    JP

Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
JP

"Everything is your own damn fault, if you are any good." E. Hemmingway

Joel the wolf
Senior Member

since 2000-04-06

Posts 1333
Angels Camp

1 posted 2000-06-18 12:27 PM

This is great JP. it's good to see you around again.
The tumbling effect left me dizzy, The depths unknown, god how I know that, into the abyss,
Dangerous slips of the heart, as I read it, I guess it could mean anything although.
Anyway, this is great again.

Joel.

I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel.

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member

since 2000-06-08

Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S

2 posted 2000-06-18 01:51 PM

we'll i'm kind of new and never saw any of your work before. but this is a great poem and if your other work is like this i long to read more of you.

I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

3 posted 2000-06-18 01:59 PM

Great poem! Your imagery is wonderful!

Was this meant as a satire?

We are the hollow men
We are the stuffed men
Leaning together
Headpiece filled with straw. Alas!
Our dried voices, when
We whisper together
Are quiet and meaningless
As wind in dry grass
Or rats' feet over broken glass
In our dry cellar

Shape without form, shade without color,
Paralyzed force, gesture without motion;

--T.S. Eliot

brian madden
Member Elite

since 2000-05-06

Posts 4374
ireland

4 posted 2000-06-18 02:05 PM

WOw your poem is like a rollercoaster..Ow my stomach is not feeling the best...excuse me...back again...lol

no seriously the rhythm and flow of the words is amazing.

.
                    Wishful hopes,
                    candycane dreams,
                    replaced by the
                    cacophony,
                    of ignorant screams.
                    God it's great,
                    to be human.
loved the last two lines, great poem.

------------------------
"Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time".

Baltimore Grotto

"To be nobody-but-yourself-in a world which is doing its best night and day, to make you everybody else - means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting."

E.E Cummings.

"Art is a lie which makes us realise the truth." Pablo Picasso

"We Irish are too poetical to be poets, we are a nation of brilliant failures" Oscar Wilde

-----

Isis
Member Ascendant

since 1999-09-06

Posts 6296
Sunny Queensland

5 posted 2000-06-18 06:48 PM

Excellent writing here, indeed a rollercoaster for the reader, great imagery too!!

I'll tell you this...... No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.....
~Isis~
(Goddess - Sovereign of the Spirit)

JP
Senior Member

since 1999-05-25

Posts 1343
Loomis, CA

6 posted 2000-06-19 08:55 PM

thanks all...

Hey JJ, use that fancy search engine the Ron has put in and look for stuff by me - I'm in all the forums...

(I've never been one to shy away from personal attention!

)

Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn.
JP

"Everything is your own damn fault, if you are any good." E. Hemmingway

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.