navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #2 » I Will Return
Dark Poetry #2
Post A Reply Post New Topic I Will Return Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
ChibiDeathscythe
Member
since 2000-06-09
Posts 128


0 posted 2000-06-15 12:12 PM


Like an unborn babe
I swim aimlessly
and hear a heartbeat
that I cannot pinpoint.

And like snow
on a rosy cheek
I stay for a while
but then I am gone.

But I do not want
to leave your company
it is soley you
who makes me grieve.

But I will return
and my pricks of bravery
in greater numbers
overthrowing you.



 "Suicides have already betrayed the body.
Still born, they don't always die,
bu dazzled, they can't forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile."
-- "Wanting to Die" by Anne Sexton

Adversity Builds character. - Japanese Proverb

"'Even a fool has one talent'.....darn, I'm not even a fool." - My sister, the master of cunning wit


© Copyright 2000 Mary K. - All Rights Reserved
Portia
Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 157

1 posted 2000-06-15 01:27 PM


I feel as if there is much left unsaid here. It almost begs a sequel, but in such a good way. But then I am big on lonnnng poetry   The imagery is great. "snow / on a rosy cheek" is a perfect image of the fleeting. I also love how the speaker implies that it is the grieving that is the *reason* he/she does not want to leave. Good stuff.
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

2 posted 2000-06-16 09:46 AM


You have a natural feel for imagery.


 Kathleen

"How do I love thee? Let
me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace." Elizabeth Barrett Browning



Joel the wolf
Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 1333
Angels Camp
3 posted 2000-06-17 01:31 AM


I have often felt like a snow flake upon a rosy cheek,
and the referral to looking for the heartbeat, simply wonderful, I love to hear my love's heartbeat and often lay there listening, I guess at least I can find hers.
this is much more than at first glance.
love it.

Joel.

 I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel.

~Venus~
Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 128

4 posted 2000-06-17 07:58 PM


Might I say, first of all, I love your name? Deathscythe rocks!

Ahem, anyway. The poem was very good. I loved the imagery.

Jeremiah Johnson
Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223
Brooksville, Fl, U.S
5 posted 2000-06-18 01:34 PM


great work i love the poem. i love the imagrey as we'll as the rest. o'yes you asked for a sequel to crossroads so its on itts way

           JJ

I'm the lord, I'm the havoc, I'm the soul


Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Dark Poetry #2 » I Will Return

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary