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Passions in Poetry

As I Lay Sleeping (tanka)

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dgvarner
Member Elite
since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


0 posted 07-16-2000 03:09 PM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for dgvarner

as i lay sleeping
wet kisses fall from the sky
your scattered secrets
splashing upon my cool skin
melting you into my heart


"i speak in written word--my lips, no sound may utter..." dgvarner
© Copyright 2000 dgvarner - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 07-16-2000 04:23 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

You have a way with imagery that is intensified in this poem! Love it.  
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


2 posted 07-31-2000 01:55 AM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dgvarner

PdV: this was my first attempt at tanka..i was pretty pleased with it myself  LOL

thanks for reading..glad you liked it  

dg


"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 07-25-2000
Posts 9136
Somewhere... out there...


3 posted 07-31-2000 02:00 AM       View Profile for vlraynes   Email vlraynes   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit vlraynes's Home Page   View IP for vlraynes


dg-
  don't know what tanka is,
  but i know i like this one.  

  luv,
    tricks  

"I have read your words, and
within them I have found
your heart.
  -vlraynes
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


4 posted 07-31-2000 04:49 PM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dgvarner

tricks: tanka??...LOL..i kept saying the same thing..someone was finally kind enough to explain it to me..i'll send you an email about it!     
thanks for reading me     and for your replies!!
dg


"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran

childomine
Senior Member
since 01-25-2000
Posts 822
st. petersburg, FL


5 posted 08-01-2000 07:59 AM       View Profile for childomine   Email childomine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for childomine

I don't know what guidelines a tanka consists of either so can't comment on that.  I too like this a lot.
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


6 posted 08-01-2000 04:40 PM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dgvarner


childomine: tanka very much for your reply! LOL  j/k  

ok guys..heres what kaile was kind enough to tell me:  tanka is a 5 line japanese poetry with a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable count..can be about anything..     try one!     dg

"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran

Parker
Member Elite
since 01-06-2000
Posts 3135
... the old black rum


7 posted 08-01-2000 10:45 PM       View Profile for Parker   Email Parker   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Parker's Home Page   View IP for Parker

dg, very very nice. I love haiku, and love writing them. I think I could do this. I never really heard the term tanka before, I don't think. Do the last two line have to have some kind of poetic impact on the first three?.

Parker

Just came bact to edit and vote....that little box is too damn small, I always miss it.



[This message has been edited by Haleyja (edited 08-01-2000).]
dgvarner
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since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


8 posted 08-02-2000 04:47 PM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dgvarner


LOL..thanks for the vote parker! and for reading  

no i dont THINK the last 2 lines have to have any impact on the first 3...just 2 more lines is all..

"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran



[This message has been edited by dgvarner (edited 08-02-2000).]
Jamie
Member Elite
since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


9 posted 08-02-2000 06:52 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

sweet



Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".


AVANTI
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 677
INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE


10 posted 08-02-2000 11:16 PM       View Profile for AVANTI   Email AVANTI   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AVANTI

deep imagination...
well written


If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves
from which evolves the light...
Avanti Rao

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


11 posted 08-06-2000 01:19 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

WOW I LOVE THIS
very very cool..
i havent tried tanka yet..
been playing with Haiku and Senyru
you did a fab job
such emotional impact
great writing
take care
jm
ethome
Member Patricius
since 05-14-2000
Posts 11545
New Brunswick Canada


12 posted 08-06-2000 01:29 PM       View Profile for ethome   Email ethome   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit ethome's Home Page   View IP for ethome

Wow you say a lot in a few short lines.. wonderful images here....just great!
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


13 posted 08-06-2000 07:26 PM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dgvarner

jamie: thanks you "sweet" thing  

avanti: thank you for your kind reply!!

JM: SO glad you liked it!! your writing is great too  

ethome: thank you much for your wonderful reply!!

i really appreciate that you all took time to read me  

dg

"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran

JOY 14
Senior Member
since 09-22-1999
Posts 1447
Wisconsin USA


14 posted 08-07-2000 07:00 PM       View Profile for JOY 14   Email JOY 14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JOY 14's Home Page   View IP for JOY 14

Smiles to you for making me smile after reading this poem. I really like!  
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


15 posted 08-08-2000 02:32 AM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dgvarner

thank you JOY!  glad i could make you smile  

dg

"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you."
-Kahlil Gibran

kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 02-06-2000
Posts 5323
singapore


16 posted 09-05-2000 06:27 AM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kaile

dgvarner,sorrie for replying so late but am real glad that i made it to this one after all...this is such lovely imagery...pls do write us another tanka some time in the NEAR future

hugs,kaile
Jose Marti
Member
since 07-01-2000
Posts 376
washing DC


17 posted 09-10-2000 06:36 PM       View Profile for Jose Marti   Email Jose Marti   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jose Marti

I like your poem a lot, could you tell me what Tanka is, I'd really like to know
dgvarner
Member Elite
since 05-13-2000
Posts 3621
High Springs, Florida


18 posted 09-11-2000 12:23 AM       View Profile for dgvarner   Email dgvarner   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for dgvarner

kaile and jose: thank you much for your replies..no prob on the lateness kaile    i'm just glad you enjoyed it!  and jose, sending you a reply on tanka via email    

hugs, dg


"i'm growing/ i dont like it/ i'm growing and it hurts/ i love you/ but i'm tired/ i guess i've got a lot to learn..." -w. watson
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