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As I Lay Sleeping (tanka)
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As I Lay Sleeping (tanka) |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida 
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as i lay sleeping wet kisses fall from the sky your scattered secrets splashing upon my cool skin melting you into my heart "i speak in written word--my lips, no sound may utter..." dgvarner |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
You have a way with imagery that is intensified in this poem! Love it.  |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
PdV: this was my first attempt at tanka..i was pretty pleased with it myself LOL thanks for reading..glad you liked it  dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
dg- don't know what tanka is, but i know i like this one.  luv, tricks "I have read your words, and within them I have found your heart. -vlraynes |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
tricks: tanka??...LOL..i kept saying the same thing..someone was finally kind enough to explain it to me..i'll send you an email about it! thanks for reading me and for your replies!!dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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childomine Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818st. petersburg, FL |
I don't know what guidelines a tanka consists of either so can't comment on that. I too like this a lot. |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
childomine: tanka very much for your reply! LOL j/k  ok guys..heres what kaile was kind enough to tell me: tanka is a 5 line japanese poetry with a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable count..can be about anything.. try one! dg"Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
dg, very very nice. I love haiku, and love writing them. I think I could do this. I never really heard the term tanka before, I don't think. Do the last two line have to have some kind of poetic impact on the first three?. Parker Just came bact to edit and vote....that little box is too damn small, I always miss it. [This message has been edited by Haleyja (edited 08-01-2000).] |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
LOL..thanks for the vote parker! and for reading no i dont THINK the last 2 lines have to have any impact on the first 3...just 2 more lines is all..< !signature--> "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran [This message has been edited by dgvarner (edited 08-02-2000).] |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
sweet Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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AVANTI Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 664INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE |
deep imagination... well written If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves from which evolves the light... Avanti Rao |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
WOW I LOVE THIS very very cool.. i havent tried tanka yet.. been playing with Haiku and Senyru you did a fab job such emotional impact great writing take care jm |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Wow you say a lot in a few short lines.. wonderful images here....just great! |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
jamie: thanks you "sweet" thing avanti: thank you for your kind reply!! JM: SO glad you liked it!! your writing is great too ethome: thank you much for your wonderful reply!! i really appreciate that you all took time to read me dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Smiles to you for making me smile after reading this poem. I really like! |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
thank you JOY! glad i could make you smile dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
dgvarner,sorrie for replying so late but am real glad that i made it to this one after all...this is such lovely imagery...pls do write us another tanka some time in the NEAR future hugs,kaile |
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Jose Marti Member
since 2000-07-01
Posts 374washing DC |
I like your poem a lot, could you tell me what Tanka is, I'd really like to know |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
kaile and jose: thank you much for your replies..no prob on the lateness kaile i'm just glad you enjoyed it! and jose, sending you a reply on tanka via email hugs, dg "i'm growing/ i dont like it/ i'm growing and it hurts/ i love you/ but i'm tired/ i guess i've got a lot to learn..." -w. watson |
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