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Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704


0 posted 2000-06-28 02:54 AM


To you a mountain chases out her soils
through the lost solidity of winter clothes
I see, ribbon-tumbled, these streams and wider rivers
across these lands, where my feet float over the green.

The rushers still in awe, on their approach to you,
their mouths, their last youth union with the earth
tide-embraced, those fresh children,
ushering the expanse of anonymity wandering
an intake of salted sand, and peace
at this, their mature quest.

Perhaps I am among them
as I walk the water’s mark.

I am the mermaid, the siren, soon
happily I would go into these waves
and creature myself within your sheltering

those tributoried churns, and drift
of martyred shells, they hasten me,
I am exposed to need, and recognition
of the horizoned line beyond.

Surely I will swim, though land-bound yet,
from the water’s mouth,
and see my land from another’s view.



© Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

1 posted 2000-06-28 03:16 AM


Kamla, Absolutley beautiful my friend....

those tributoried churns, and drift
of martyred shells, they hasten me,
I am exposed to need, and recognition
of the horizoned line beyond.

You have my vote!  


Yes, I am here, but I am dead, not alive,
my body goes on, my spirit has died,
and I though alive, feel dead inside.

"Rose Petal"


AniKay83
Member
since 2000-06-28
Posts 388
Missing Since 1999
2 posted 2000-06-28 03:19 AM


Nice poem. (I'm ok at writing them, not so much at critiquing them!) But that's not important. I think what's more important is not what you can say about a poem but what you feel from a poem. And I feel like yours is really good. It kinda reminded me of an old story or something...

"Once I stood upon the waves,
In numbing sleep, no doubt.
And I struggled with the water,
On it's endless route-
To build itself a massive tower,
Only to cause it's end.
Upon those jagged rocks,
They broke, over and again.
Then I woke in breathless awe,
Of the lesson learned:
If you build yourself up too high-
You'll get what you deserve."
~Kay

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

3 posted 2000-06-28 10:16 AM


ooops   how did I get here?   K have a smile
anyway  

Yes, I am here, but I am dead, not alive,
my body goes on, my spirit has died,
and I though alive, feel dead inside.

"Rose Petal"


Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2000-06-28 10:47 AM


Kamla, you always write so well...this one is supurb!
Mike
Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462

5 posted 2000-06-28 10:51 AM


wonderfully written.  An excellent poem.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

6 posted 2000-06-28 01:28 PM


WOW..butterfly sharer this is AMAZING..
the imagery and metaphors for the emotions
are breathtaking...
beautiful Kam...truley
jm

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
7 posted 2000-06-28 02:01 PM


Kamla,
For a couple of days or more, I was beginning to wonder where you had gone...
now I know where....

and you came back with this amazing, wonderful poem....

regards, sudhir

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee,
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

- John Donne

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
8 posted 2000-06-28 03:30 PM


What a wealth of wonder your writing is! Please accept this humble vote from a lowly admirer  

(I'm writing soon. Promise!!!!)

X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
Oregon
9 posted 2000-06-28 04:56 PM


Ohhh *breathing again* I too want to see my land from another's view!  
Beautiful just beautiful
~Heather

Colin
Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596
Callington, Cornwall, England
10 posted 2000-06-28 05:09 PM


Beautiful   And I agree with you and Heather... I would love to see my land from another's view. To see all those things we see every day and take for granted in a new fresh light would be wonderful.

Eric.

"We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka.

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
11 posted 2000-06-28 08:49 PM


Beautiful!!! Where's my voting button?  
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
12 posted 2000-06-28 09:16 PM


I think we all have need of exploring our horizons.
A cogitative gem.
jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
13 posted 2000-06-28 10:58 PM


This is such a wonderful piece of writing! You are a very talented young lady. This should have a prime spot in this book! Fabulous!
Moonshine
Member
since 1999-10-01
Posts 265
Australia
14 posted 2000-06-29 01:23 AM


Wow! That's all I can say in response to this awesome piece - excellent work Severn. Here, catch a vote!

J.

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
15 posted 2000-06-29 02:22 AM


i'm glad you finally decided to post this yuh yuh yu huy huyhurt'sjps vote burp
tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
16 posted 2000-06-29 06:48 AM


Beautiful vision, a wonderful read  
Tracie~


Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe



Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
17 posted 2000-06-29 01:55 PM


Yes!  

I need more than one vote button!!

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
18 posted 2000-06-30 04:50 PM


Must have been near to impossible to choose K. And I noticed that you changed the format around a wee bit!  

Again, love this, it touches.  

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

19 posted 2000-07-02 06:03 AM


Just wanted to thank you all really - for the support of this poem..I appreciate it so much!

K


Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
20 posted 2000-07-02 03:13 PM


LK

As you know i think this is one of, if not THE, best i've seen from you ... which means of course it's pretty good    (IMHO) ..

SP

Skyfyre
Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906
Sitting in Michael's Lap
21 posted 2000-07-02 04:56 PM


Absolutely, positively stunning.

You have my first book-vote ever.  

--Kess


YOUR LIFE IS A TEST

It is only a test ...

If this were your Actual Life, you would have been given better instructions!


Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
22 posted 2000-07-02 05:40 PM


Fabulous water imagery, Severn, got my vote on this one!

Corinne

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

23 posted 2000-07-03 01:44 AM


Ok Sir P ....nyeenah to you! IMHO indeed...sticking out tongue at YOU!!!

Haha..love ya...

and Kess - wow...that means a hell of a lot...wow...! Big Grin!

K

Nara
Junior Member
since 1999-10-31
Posts 11

24 posted 2000-07-13 07:51 PM


Love it.  Beautiful work.
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
25 posted 2000-08-03 11:21 AM


still likin' this lady!  
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
26 posted 2000-08-04 11:31 AM


See above



Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
27 posted 2000-08-07 12:17 PM


Kamla~
Stunning imagery and flow.
You are so talented.
It is my pleasure to read you.
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
28 posted 2001-11-07 12:13 PM


see page 67 in the book everyone!!!

..and i still want mine autographed K  

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

29 posted 2001-12-06 09:50 PM


sigh Jamie...stop it.

Lol

You're so embarrassing...

hugs you

K

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