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Drowning.......

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Moonshine
Member
since 10-01-1999
Posts 269
Australia


0 posted 06-26-2000 02:17 AM       View Profile for Moonshine   Email Moonshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Moonshine's Home Page   View IP for Moonshine

I want to be naked,
And run on the beach,
Without feeling your eyes,

I want to feel the fresh sea air,
Have it weave all about me,
Without feeling your breath,

I want the soft ocean waves,
To gently wash over me,
Without feeling your touch,

I want the chill sea water,
To wrap itself around me,
Without feeling you inside,

I want the vast black ocean,
To heave and swalow me up,
Because you won't be there.


© Copyright 2000 Jen - All Rights Reserved
linda munday
Member
since 06-17-2000
Posts 326
Adelaide, Australia


1 posted 06-26-2000 07:01 AM       View Profile for linda munday   Email linda munday   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for linda munday

Oh my goodness, I really like this.
The opening line is eyecatching, and the ending is so final.
Linda M.
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


2 posted 06-26-2000 07:44 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Oh yes, I remember this one J, very deep, wonderful writing dear.  

Yes, I am here, but I am dead, not alive,
my body goes on, my spirit has died,
and I though alive, feel dead inside.

"Rose Petal"

Moonshine
Member
since 10-01-1999
Posts 269
Australia


3 posted 06-26-2000 10:38 PM       View Profile for Moonshine   Email Moonshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Moonshine's Home Page   View IP for Moonshine

Thanx for your reply Linda, I am glad you enjoyed this poem.

Thanx for your reply M, and for your lovely reply and comment.
Moonshine
Member
since 10-01-1999
Posts 269
Australia


4 posted 06-26-2000 10:38 PM       View Profile for Moonshine   Email Moonshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Moonshine's Home Page   View IP for Moonshine

Thanx for your reply Linda, I am glad you enjoyed this poem.

Thanx for your reply M, and for your lovely comment.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


5 posted 06-27-2000 12:50 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

This one deserves more votes (here's one from me). I loved the rhythm and the finality of this, like ocean itself.

Mike
Moonshine
Member
since 10-01-1999
Posts 269
Australia


6 posted 06-27-2000 02:25 AM       View Profile for Moonshine   Email Moonshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Moonshine's Home Page   View IP for Moonshine

Thanx for your lovely reply and comment Mike ( and for your vote too!)
X Angel
Senior Member
since 11-07-1999
Posts 1592
Oregon


7 posted 06-29-2000 01:50 PM       View Profile for X Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for X Angel

I know this too well, I liked the whole idea of this poem, good job!

~Heather
JOY 14
Senior Member
since 09-22-1999
Posts 1447
Wisconsin USA


8 posted 06-29-2000 01:52 PM       View Profile for JOY 14   Email JOY 14   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JOY 14's Home Page   View IP for JOY 14

mmmhmm. nice work.  
Moonshine
Member
since 10-01-1999
Posts 269
Australia


9 posted 06-29-2000 09:25 PM       View Profile for Moonshine   Email Moonshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Moonshine's Home Page   View IP for Moonshine

Thanx for your reply and comment Xangel, I'm glad you enjoyed it  

Thanx for reading my poem Joy, and for your comment too  
Broken_Winged_Angel
Senior Member
since 04-06-2000
Posts 999
Small Town, Somewhere


10 posted 10-05-2000 06:42 AM       View Profile for Broken_Winged_Angel   Email Broken_Winged_Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Broken_Winged_Angel's Home Page   View IP for Broken_Winged_Angel

Very well written.     The first and last lines really stick out.

With a little piece of tomorrow,
You'll have to kiss yesterday goodbye.
Because today won't last forever,
And the past will only make you cry.
Moonshine
Member
since 10-01-1999
Posts 269
Australia


11 posted 10-05-2000 10:53 PM       View Profile for Moonshine   Email Moonshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Moonshine's Home Page   View IP for Moonshine

Thanx for your lovely reply and comment Broken_Winged_Angel - I am glad that you enjoyed reading my poem  
Moonshine will be notified of replies
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