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Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

0 posted 2000-06-20 02:50 PM


When you Write with Love

When I awoke this morn, I looked around ~
and what broke my heart, was the silent sound
of no one breathing, and no heart’s beat ~
there lay a note…my heartbreak…complete.

While the missive I read gave my eyes a sting,
there wrapped in the note, lay her ring,
and without reading the letter, word for word,
I knew it was full of the feelings I’d heard.

She doesn’t belong here anymore,
her heart now lies on another’s shore,
for he spoke to her in cadence so fine
now her heart is no longer mine.

He used expression with karmic song
and thus asked her to sing along,
took her heartstrings, plucked them well
so no longer will she be compelled

to listen to my words, or hear my voice,
I’ve lost her by my very own choice,
to not hear her, nor her words of love,
she’d packed her things, flew like a dove...

She doesn’t live here anymore,
she’s flown off for other shores,
and only lingering traces of her kiss
will I feel from the cool dawn’s mist.

He drew poetic pictures, and lured her in
and thus their soul’s dance did begin,
he took her love, which once was mine
impressed upon her, and his words entwined,

and he spoke of things she must have missed,
for he sealed his messages with love and a kiss,
he promised her the moon, under starred sky,
he would sip wine while he gazed in her eyes,

and so intoxicated she must have become,
that in my silence, to him she’s run,
and I cannot blame her any more,
that she’s run off for distant shores.

When I awoke this morn and looked around
what broke my heart was that silent sound
there is no one breathing, no heart’s beat ~
here laid the note…now my heartbreak’s…complete.


20 June 2000
©KRJ

< !signature-->

Sunshine

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~



[This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 06-20-2000).]

© Copyright 2000 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
X Angel
Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521
Oregon
1 posted 2000-06-20 02:57 PM


*sigh*
this was poignant.
good'un
~Heather

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2000-06-20 03:00 PM


Thank you, Heather...I am glad you felt that...

Sunshine

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~


Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
3 posted 2000-06-20 03:46 PM


When I awoke this morn and looked around
what broke my heart was that silent sound
there is no one breathing, no heart’s beat ~
here laid the note…now my heartbreak’s…complete.
... Splendid poetry, Karilea...

Regards, sudhir



Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2000-06-20 03:54 PM


It pleases me much that you liked this, Sudhir, thank you...

Sunshine

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~


Colin
Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596
Callington, Cornwall, England
5 posted 2000-06-21 04:46 AM


Powerful stuff indeed Sunshine! I especially liked the repetition of the first verse which works so well, both drawing the reader in and then closing the poem with a bang of a door at the end.

"We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka.

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA
6 posted 2000-06-21 06:17 AM


This would make a wonderful song! Can't wait to see it in the book. Magnificent! Love, Ellie
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
7 posted 2000-06-21 06:38 AM


Wonderful choice Sunshine! I loved the perspective you chose to write this from, and the way you opened and closed this beautiful verse ... absolutely superb!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

[This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 06-21-2000).]

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
8 posted 2000-06-21 06:51 AM


Karilea~
Yes !  
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
9 posted 2000-06-21 08:05 AM


rowr uh huh uh huh yuh
BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919
New York, USA
10 posted 2000-06-21 08:44 AM


Oh Sunshine, How this one just draws the reader in....Great from beginning to end.  Bonnie
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
11 posted 2000-06-21 02:12 PM


Eric, repetition works for me, repetition works for me...

Ellie, OK, write the music...

Kit, I'm humbled, thank you...

Marge, oh YEA!  {~,^}

WOW, Thanks!...

BSC, you're too kind, thank you...

Sunshine

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~


HelmutB
Senior Member
since 2000-01-06
Posts 964
Canada
12 posted 2000-06-21 08:02 PM


I know you have a special talent
I know you are a special person
I know you are a very good friend
But most importantly you are MY friend
And you also write such beautiful poetry
Hugs

The ability to describe life with words is similar to painting a picture; both can be powerful tools.


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

13 posted 2000-06-21 09:58 PM


Sun, this poem is SO PERFECT
and cuts deep in me...
powerful emotional expressions in this gem
excellent writing
jm

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

14 posted 2000-06-21 10:48 PM


Beautifully done, Sunshine!  

Denise

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
15 posted 2000-06-22 12:34 PM


Oh, my! Lovely, so lovely......  
Alle'cram
Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816
Texas
16 posted 2000-06-22 01:13 AM


Sunshine,  Awesome piece! Very powerful, emotional and projected perfectly in poem.
Sunshine
Administrator
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
17 posted 2000-06-22 08:56 AM


Helmut, janet Marie, Denise, PdV, Alle'cram...thank you ALL for your kind comments. This piece is becoming a particular favorite of mine, and I treasure your input..

please let me know if anything in it should be changed, thank you!

Sunshine

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~


Munda
Member Elite
since 1999-10-08
Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands
18 posted 2000-06-25 04:36 PM


Beautiful Sunshine !
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
19 posted 2000-06-27 12:01 PM


Thank you, Munda!  

Sunny

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ


Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
20 posted 2000-07-18 06:14 AM


Had to come back to read this again...

and liked the poem even better than before...

Karilea, there is some magic in your writings... and it is not "black magic"

regards,
sudhir

Death, be not proud, though some have called thee,
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;

- John Donne

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
21 posted 2000-07-18 09:14 AM


Sudhir, if I have magic in my words, then it is because of the people I know...thank you...

Sunny

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ



Heather Miller
Member
since 2000-07-19
Posts 409
Bryan, Ohio USA
22 posted 2000-07-21 04:17 PM


This brought a sad tear to my eye  (. Very good writting...........
LITL,
Heather


With God all things are possible.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
23 posted 2000-07-21 04:31 PM


Heather, how kind of you to let me know...thank you!

Sunny

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ



Not A Poet
Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA
24 posted 2000-07-21 04:50 PM


A very sad story very well written.

Thanks,
Pete

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
25 posted 2000-07-21 04:53 PM


No, thank YOU, Pete!

Sunny

~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow.
Helen Keller ~~~

When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ



Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
26 posted 2000-07-31 03:26 AM


WEll told tale, made me sad
Superb writing from beginning to end
Liz

[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Santos (edited 07-31-2000).]

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
27 posted 2000-07-31 09:37 AM


Elizabeth, I believe writing poetry [well, writing of any form, actually] should make the reader feel something. Sometimes I cannot read someone's work because at the outset I know it will make me sad...so I save it for another day, when I can handle it. But it is a true compliment indeed that I brought forth emotion in you.  Thank you.

Karilea
When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ

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