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Passions in Poetry

i saw her in the rain

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bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 06-19-2000 02:09 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

My final submission. I think submitting four is probably too much, but it's due to bad timing. I wrote this poem only yesterday, posted it, and got two replies within 10 minutes. Today I logged back in, and there's another 7 replies. This is the most I've gotten at such a quick pace, and a few people have already claimed this their favorite poem of mine, so I'd be an idiot not to put it out here. Last one, I promise. Enjoy.

Mike

-i saw her in the rain-
Rain fell in whispered words
Upon the woman's head.
I'm not sure what was said.

The pooled cloth of her dress.
She knelt in the wet grass
Under a sky of glass.

The rain spoke in tones, it fell
In notes we could never try.
It made me want to cry.

She didn't. She nodded, arms out,
Rain beading on her face,
Glistening, sullen with grace.

Then she opened her eyes of water.
Her skin was smooth-veined stone,
Her dress the grass that shone.

I ran up through the rain to touch her.
She was gone, if ever there.
Not even a mark she'd dare.

As I walked back through the rain
In gray outlines of the real,
I wondered what I should feel.

© Copyright 2000 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Justbleu
Member Elite
since 08-31-99
Posts 3430
Oregon, Originally From Alaska


1 posted 06-19-2000 02:13 AM       View Profile for Justbleu   Email Justbleu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Justbleu's Home Page   View IP for Justbleu

Wow, I can see why!!  I like this a lot too!!
I am glad you decided to post it here!!  Hope to see more of your poetry!!  How would one feel??

Bridgette  


"Creation of woman from the rib of Man: She was not made from his head to top him; nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him; but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved." -Unknown



[This message has been edited by Justbleu (edited 06-19-2000).]
SEA
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


2 posted 06-19-2000 02:19 AM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

Mike~ I replied to this over in open and was thinking I wished it was marked for the book so I could vote for it! Now I can!   -SEA

Live,Love,Laugh :) ~SueB

ellie LeJeune
Member Elite
since 01-10-2000
Posts 4176
King of Prussia, PA USA


3 posted 06-19-2000 07:05 AM       View Profile for ellie LeJeune   Email ellie LeJeune   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ellie LeJeune

This is so hauntingly lovely. Ellie
Corazon
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 1301


4 posted 06-19-2000 01:42 PM       View Profile for Corazon   Email Corazon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corazon

wow no kidding, I hadn't seen this in the other forum, glad I didn'tmiss it here...love it  
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


5 posted 06-19-2000 02:22 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

well, you already know I love ya when your all wet  
yes this should be here...
is 4 too many???
not in my opinion...but then Im a little squirrely *smile*
later-poet-gator
bs/jm
X Angel
Senior Member
since 11-07-1999
Posts 1592
Oregon


6 posted 06-19-2000 07:59 PM       View Profile for X Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for X Angel

I like! I like! I like!

~Heather
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 04-30-2000
Posts 16920
Ontario, Canada


7 posted 06-19-2000 08:16 PM       View Profile for Kit McCallum   Email Kit McCallum   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kit McCallum

Loved it over in Open ... love it over here Mike!  I'll say it again ... hauntingly beautiful with a lovely mystical feel about this poem ... really well done!  Glad you posted it "here"!

Best wishes,
/Kit
wayoutwalt
Member Ascendant
since 06-22-99
Posts 5106
TEXAS (it's all big)


8 posted 06-20-2000 01:40 PM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wayoutwalt

great addition yuh my vote indeed!
Colin
Senior Member
since 06-05-99
Posts 612
Callington, Cornwall, England


9 posted 06-20-2000 03:22 PM       View Profile for Colin   Email Colin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Colin

oooooh spoooky   I like ghostly tales. Like em lots in fact  

Eric.

"We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


10 posted 06-20-2000 03:25 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

was hoping you would and you did...thank you.
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


11 posted 06-21-2000 02:08 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Guys (gals), thanks for receiving this poem so openly. There's something about I know I couldn't reproduce again if I wanted to, and that's probably half of its charm. One of those innocent mistakes that turns out better than something planned. Now you know why I love poetry, and most (if not all) of you.  

Mike
Elyse
Member
since 04-16-2000
Posts 419
Apex (think raleigh) NC


12 posted 06-21-2000 09:30 PM       View Profile for Elyse   Email Elyse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elyse

thanx for the interesting read

luv Elyse
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


13 posted 06-21-2000 09:55 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Mike~
This little 'deer' likes this one very much.
Don't be surprised to find poetry dropping from the sky to the page ... that indicates to me that you've opened up and let the spirits move as they will.

This, my friend ... is poetry !
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


14 posted 06-24-2000 12:11 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks for your kind replies. You know I love ya.  

Mike
doreen peri
Member Rara Avis
since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


15 posted 06-24-2000 12:54 AM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

dynamic stanza here...

"Then she opened her eyes of water.
Her skin was smooth-veined stone,
Her dress the grass that shone."

all of it... captivating and fluid...

no last submissions accepted... submit all you got... like you do with the way you write!
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


16 posted 06-24-2000 12:56 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Mike, can't even tell you why exactly I like this so much, but I do...sorry I missed it before.
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


17 posted 06-24-2000 01:29 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Mike, glad you posted this here, I missed it in open. Truly a wonderful poem!!  loved it.  

My grief lies onward and my joy behind
(Shakespeare)
AVANTI
Senior Member
since 02-02-2000
Posts 677
INDIA/MAHARASHTRA/PUNE


18 posted 06-24-2000 06:43 AM       View Profile for AVANTI   Email AVANTI   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AVANTI

so well written...
i could picture her in the rain...
beautifully expressed
I 'm being honest and feel more in with the poem cause the rain is hitting my window pane
and i can feel the rythm of your poem...
lovely..


If all was light...then I would have never learnt the dark...from which such truth evolves
from which evolves the light...
Avanti Rao

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


19 posted 06-24-2000 05:59 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

I wish this would let me answer each person individually -- but it won't list all the messages for some reason. That's a shame. But what I want to say, to all of you, is thank you. It's hard to write what you believe when so few seem interested. Though it's never gotten to the point of outright scorn, sometimes my poems sort of die in the wind. But you know what? As time goes on, I realize that's okay. I'm just glad to be able to write, and am also glad this particular poem has touched so many people. It's one thing to write and share. It's another thing entirely to write truthfully, share truthfully and be able to touch others truthfully. I thank you for that. It's extra sweet to know that so many of you are good poets in your own right -- the comments take on extra weight, make me extra happy.  

Mike
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


20 posted 06-25-2000 10:35 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

In sheer admiration of your work.
You're right, she could never be reproduced, but she certainly deserves a vote
Liz
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


21 posted 06-25-2000 01:34 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks, Liz.
Christopher J
Member
since 06-21-2000
Posts 96


22 posted 06-25-2000 07:46 PM       View Profile for Christopher J   Email Christopher J   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher J

Thank for this poem...the last line is the best..sometimes it's hard to know what you should feel...
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


23 posted 06-25-2000 09:22 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Chris,
I definitely agree.
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


24 posted 06-25-2000 09:31 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Mike, not only is the poem excellent but so is your comment. Yes, the writing is the important thing and receiving a reply from only one person who is sincere and whom you respect is worth 20 replies from others. Please reconsider not sunmitting more for the book
 
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