»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #9
»
If All Men are Not Pigs....(no men allowed to read this)
| Open Poetry #9 |
|
If All Men are Not Pigs....(no men allowed to read this) |
|
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon 
|
this was written rather tongue in cheek as a reply to Doreen's poem 2X2........(no offense LJA I swear!) ok so if all men are not pigs then why do they leave all their stuff all over the floor? why do they like to grovel around in the mud playing football? why do men eat like there's no tomorrow and the groceries are long overdue? well if all men are not pigs who forgot to close the gate on opening day of deer season? cuz all my pigs got out and ran away coming back just in time for their swill and then off again, to run wild if they're not pigs (all of 'em) will someone please show me one who shuts the lid on the toilet so I don't get an unexpected bidet at 2 am in the morning could you point him out please? and lastly, if they're not all pigs prove it to me, by bringing me the one who takes the garbage out rather than living in it maybe someone will make me believe the day pigs learn to fly (hmmph) |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Heather Walters - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Heather - Are WE feeling a might bit testy this fine day??? hmmmm??? Naturally, I will respond to your poem in due time. Just for now, I think it instructive for me to remind you of one very apt point - When a man marries, he chooses somebody who is beautiful and desireable. Apparently, women only want to marry pigs. I guess men have better taste than women, or better judgement, or are more intelligent, eh? *self-serving sniff with nose haughtily in the air* lol |
||
Masked Intruder
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231Near golden sunsets |
Well, I know this one guy, he takes out the garbage everyday, puts the lid down when he uses the toilet, and dresses up for special occasions...only, he doesn't live anywhere special......oh wait, that was on tv. sorry... |
||
|
Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
Well, seeing as I'm on the phone to you, and seeing as you just ordered me to, I'm gonna bump this to the top for you Heather. *big hugs* And... seeing as you just ordered me to change my reply, I'm changing it *8Þ~~~~~~ oh, ok then.... I LOVED the poem. Very funny *8) OINK! Eric.< !signature--> "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. [This message has been edited by Eric Williams (edited 09-20-2000).] |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Eric - On belf of all men - TRAITOR!!!! lol - You realize, of course, that you are of the "pig" gender, don't you? |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
ROFL!!!*g |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Eric DEAR in your dreams sweetie.  (hhhhmph) ~Heather |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
ok so if all men are not pigs then why do they leave all their stuff all over the floor? We leave our stuff on the floor, To show you how we care. If we didn't love you anymore, Why would we still be there? why do they like to grovel around in the mud playing football? We grovel in the mud at times With other men in the yard Hoping that the gold we find Will pay off your credit card! why do men eat like there's no tomorrow and the groceries are long overdue? We eat like this is our last day, Before we finally rest in peace. We remember well the belly aches When you don't follow recipes! well if all men are not pigs who forgot to close the gate on opening day of deer season? cuz all my pigs got out and ran away coming back just in time for their swill and then off again, to run wild Perhaps it isn't for the deer That we pigs all run away. Perhaps it's for the fun and cheer When you finally unlock the gate! if they're not pigs (all of 'em) will someone please show me one who shuts the lid on the toilet so I don't get an unexpected bidet at 2 am in the morning could you point him out please? And if the toilet lid's down too, Do you wet all over the floor? Why not stop and check the loo, Not after, but before? and lastly, if they're not all pigs prove it to me, by bringing me the one who takes the garbage out rather than living in it To prove a theory, beyond fail, No exceptions will be found. I take out the garbage, I'm a male, Ergo, your theory is unsound. maybe someone will make me believe the day pigs learn to fly *flapping away before lil Heather clips my wings with a pair of bolt cutters left behind by her resident pig* (hmmph) (I'm not a pig, even by association - hmmph) |
||
|
Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
oooh well people, you'll see Heather put DEAR in her reply. that's cuz I originally had dear in my reply to her, but I was ordered to take that out as well. THEN when I did, she goes and puts a reply with DEAR in it as a payback! WOMEN!  now pass the swill wench! And I think I am in REAL trouble now  "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Doreen help me out here, the pigs are running rampant! LJA~ as for you ya blatherskite! Well you prolly are the exception to the rule, I have met you and thought you were pretty awesome. So give me the damn credit card and get outta my way.....(funny poem btw but you haven't proved a thing to me) Eric, Eric, Eric~ you are having some serious mental foibles this bright sunny day. I think the chainsaw smoke has finally gotten to you, that or hanging upside down out of a tree for ages..... When you can show me a man getting the best of a woman, I will concede the battle and bring you the swill. *GLARE* ~Heather (with her nose in the air hmmph) |
||
|
Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
hmmmm Can I have a cup of coffee flavoured swill and think on that one please? Oinkric. "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
psst, Eric, I think we have her on the run now. She's almost ready to admit we are not pigs. Good going on that thing about the "Dear." Did you notice her will crumbling as she called you "Dear" right back? Don't worry about what I just wrote here. It's in Italics, and I know for a fact that Heather doesn't known Italian! Heather - You are lovely when you're haughty. Did you know that? psst, Eric. See how I buttered her up with that cheap flattery? They fall for it every time - heh heh. |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
oh so now he goes and insults my coffee THIS MEANS WAR!!!!!!!!!!! |
||
|
Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
LMAO now she's gone and she said she'd be right back, so I said... well does that mean I can't post any replies for now then? Heather said, "No, no, post whatever you like!" so here goes! Why do women wear perfume? Because they smell awful from hugging pigs all the time! "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
||
|
Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
oops, I forgot the italics LJA, hopefully I'll get away with it though shhhh Eric. "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Well I guess Eric just said it all, "Men ARE Pigs!" I do not concede this battle and get yer own damn swill Eric. Ohh and LJ. as fer you ya blankety-blank land-lubber, I'll have you know I CAN read Italian. And your cheap shameless flattery will NEVER work on me. ~Heather (the new President of the She_Woman_Man_Haters_Club) |
||
|
Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Came in ready to shout but after reading it wellll...I will just say "DEAL WITH IT"....or not  .....hmppppfffff.....later YOU......YOU......YOU POET YOU!!!! |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Eric - yer a genius! We can have lots of fun telling riddles - My turn! Why are women silky smooth? Because they take lots of mud baths while sleeping with their pigs! Oink |
||
|
Lorelei54 Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 458 |
Even though LJA is not a pig at heart, his "male" side shows from time to time, that he is related to the pigs..LOL Cute poetry Heather!! Wish you were going to be in New England this weekend with us. |
||
|
Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
Of course, Heather, you do realise that "She_Woman_Man_Haters_club" is an anagram of "man wont be rash hat clues m". There, that just goes to prove my point! Eric *8) "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Lorelei....I do too, drat men anyways... Mark....ya nut, if yer lucky I may let you be the bus boy for my Men Hater's Retreat. LJA...lucky we have yer sweet little wife to set everyone straight on who's who around here! Eric...you proved nothing BUT that you have so much time on yer hands you can make an anagram, but isn't there a pile of stuff on yer floor and dirty clothes everywhere? (I know these things, his Mum told me a few days ago...said Eric was a VERY messy boy) Now I have proved my point, I expect obeisance and subservience.... ~Heather (*smirk*) |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Eric - actually, She_Woman_Man_Haters_Club is an anagram for Woman! Breasts! Lunch! What else can I say? Oink! [This message has been edited by LngJhnAg (edited 09-20-2000).] |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
I'm getting out my chest waders it's starting to get very deep in pig *swill* around here....... |
||
|
Colin Senior Member
since 1999-06-05
Posts 596Callington, Cornwall, England |
Heather... (oh and I apologise to all the women in the world for any unintentional offence caused) I KNEW you wouldn't understand, you being a woman and all *8Þ~ LJA: AWESOME anagram matey. Shall we run for cover now or later? Eric. "We are the music makers and we are the makers of dreams." - Willy Wonka. |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Eric, the gentleman in me says I should "run for cover" so Heather can lick her wounds and save face before we reduce her to a wimpering woman. The pig in me knows we have already done that so it doesn't really matter if we do stay. heh heh |
||
|
Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Boy!!????????!!!!!! you say....well let me tell you something that will embarrass your horse.......ohhhhh never mind....can't do that to the darn horse....  |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
You two *creatures of the male sex* may think you have me scared, but in all reality, though I am outnumbered in persons in this little war we are waging...I will NEVER give up. You will always come out on the bottom! I am woman hear me roar!  ~Queen Heather [This message has been edited by X Angel (edited 09-20-2000).] |
||
|
Dee Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330Queensland, Australia |
Heather, I got a good laugh out of this one, thanks. As for the replies - what a scream. You guys are great for the soul. Loved it, by the way. Dee |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Heather - thank you for that inspirational first line to the well known song, I Am Woman. May I continue with more lyrics? waiting the appropriate 5 seconds for Heather's reply...... Time's up I am woman hear me roar, I can't squeeze through double doors! My hips have grown far too w-i-i-i-de. I'm still empty-headed though, Chocolate keeps me on the go! I married a pig and lost all my pr-i-i-i-de. Ohhhh, yes, I am wise, I watch soaps every day. Yes, I eat whole pies, But they're all home made. If I have to, I can call men pigs. If I have to, They can find new digs. I am wrong, I am indefensible, I am woooooman!!! Well, now that I have successfully enacted my own ostracism, I think I'll not write the next verse. |
||
|
Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
I hate to jump on the pig band wagon.... since LJ is driving but... we are and proud of it...hahaha... On your knee's wench. So if we are pigs then that makes you gals...SOWS. Parker is outta here. |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Well Parker sweetheart some women are SOWS by choice, I choose NOT to be any man's sow, I choose rather to be my own person and to heck with any man who can't accept that! And as for the rest of you oinkers, I will deal with you later..... >;o) |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
does it help, Heather, to know i'm still.... ROFL!??????hehe.... don't quite know how to add to all this... but, it's very amusing.... *s |
||
|
Jenn E Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 589Kelowna, BC, Canada |
ROTfloorLMAO............this is funny and the comments in here.........Yikes! Way to funny but damn it feels good to giggle! I think it is time for all of us ladies show these "BOYS" who is really in charge here.............It is a proven fact that we do hold the power to get men to do whatever we want.......it's just that we choose not to walk around all day and all night NAKED! 2 heads are not always better then one! LOL Girls rule and boys........well, their here. hehehehe Jenn E |
||
|
CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Oh how I enjoyed reading this one XANGEL your poem is quite a delight The responses triggered... O my o my This topic should be around for awhile Coco [This message has been edited by CocoBaci (edited 09-20-2000).] |
||
|
Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Well me... I always put the seat down after I'm done... or sometime's I'll just pee sitting down so that there's never any overspray that might have to be cleaned up. And I always make sure those little U shaped rugs in front of the toilet are perfectly straight before I leave... and the one over in front of the sink. And if my hands are really, really greasy or something -- I won't like wash them in the sink I always clean them off outside before I come in the house As I do my shoes which I always take off and leave by the door And I don't just go sit down and watch TV either... no I'll look all around the house to make sure all the garbage cans are in good shape first and see if there's any other things that need to be picked up And if the hamper -- where I throw all my clothes -- is full I'll go ahead and start a load of laundry carful to sort out all the whites, darks, and colors, and make sure there are no 'delicates' that might get in there And I do my own ironing every morning before I go to work And when I do sit down to watch television I don't flip around a lot with the remote -- you know I hate that -- just put it on one channel and leave it there And on Sunday's I don't just lay around on the couch watching football, no I'd rather do something fun like -- go to the mall And when I go shopping I hate it when people say just make a list go in and get what you need and get out -- you know I like to just take my time and look around at everything And after sex I like to talk. Cuddle and talk ... you know -- listen for hours -- because sex energizes me it doesn't make me sleepy at all... And, and, and, and,..... um..... well actually some of this IS true... lol |
||
|
CAMERON UNDERWOOD Junior Member
since 2000-08-31
Posts 26 |
Yes it is true not all men are pigs. Some things are just common courtesy! At least to any intelligent normal man. Like: 1 putting the toilet seat down. 2 replace the toilet paper roll. 3 refill the ice trays 4 taking out the garbage when its full 5 Washing the clothes when they need to be done. 6 Doing things when you notice they need to be done; and you do them with out any one asking. . Don't give me that crap; women have their typical faults as well they all are judged by too. I'm just saying that there are a few good independant, sensitive men out there. So don't judge someone based on the bad ones that have came your way as the typical male. They're not all like that. Thats it, thats all I have to say on the subject. Sleepless in Portland |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
Local Rebel darlin.....you sound wonderful, are ya sure you're not a woman? *wink* and Cameron....this poem and all the replies are all in fun, people everywhere will agree that there are jerks of either sex out there. I was just yanking someone's chain.. *YANK* ~Heather PS and girls...we gotta stick together! Girl's Rule, Woman Power and all that rubbish! |
||
|
Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
I think this whole conversation is hilarious myself -- but, for those who've never read Men Are From Mars -- Women Are From Venus -- ya certainly need to.. (but I have met a few women from Mars in my day) |
||
|
Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Heather -- I'll let you pick out which ones are true and which ones are false.... ROFL |
||
|
Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
ROFL....I used to live on a farm...we had a couple lil pigs....hmmmm you better run boys...I smell bacon fryin!! |
||
|
Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
we're supposed to refill ice trays? put on new rolls of toilet paper...? will nothing satisfy your heathen bloodthirst???? |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
actually it's HeatheR bloodthirst |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
ROFL..... STILL!!! |
||
|
Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Yeah well "If All Men are Not Pigs" anagrams into: A FEMALE SLING PIT RON or NOT A FEMALE GIRL SPIN or A FEMALE GROIN SPLINT or A FEMALE IS LONG PRINT or A FEMALE SIN PRINT LOG or FEMALE LANSING IT PRO or FEMALE IGNORANT LISP so... there -- that says it all.... eh? ROFL |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
ROFL!!! Oh Heather ... what did you get yourself into??? Loved the poem, Loved the responses!  ROFL!!! |
||
|
Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Local, don't give her any ideas she'll be trying to rename all my favorite stores. Cameron....come join the pigs and have some fun at all the SOWS expense. Men Rule....women serve... oops... well I read that somewhere... I think it was a womans mag. How to Serve your Man... |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
LOL@ the Rebellious Spirited Poetman... "FEMALE IGNORANT LISP" well, thay thweetie... that'th tho clever! (anagramically speaking of course)... but how 'bout thith? MAKE ANSWER SEEM OH (some men are hawkes) and on that note... MEAN RESIGN ME POST (some men aren't pigs) LOL....hehe |
||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
GREAT work here, Heather...I haven't been too happy with the male gender myself lately...you proved the point well here. Elizabeth |
||
|
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Gee, what a shame that no woman has ever treated a man wrong or we could just lump them all into a group and call them names, too!! DARN!!! |
||
|
LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Heather - I have learned from hard-won experience that women are never satisfied with all the extra effort we men put into our house cleaning duties. For example, when Lorelei asked me to clean her toilet, I did! And to make sure it stayed clean throughout the night, I even covered the bowl with Saran Wrap. And did Lorelei thank me? N-O-O-O-O-O-O - not even once! hmmmmpppphhhh - just call me a confused man! |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
LJA~ at least you didn't protect it with a nice coating of vaseline too.... |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
