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There in the Shadows
| Open Poetry #9 |
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There in the Shadows |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart 
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There in the Shadows There in the shadows I walked held inside your footsteps melded with your soul did I as you looked into heaven’s sky held inside your footsteps melded with your soul did I as you looked into heaven’s sky a lone shooting star burned bright melded with your soul did I as you looked into heaven’s sky a lone shooting star burned bright there in deep blackness of night as you looked into heaven’s sky a lone shooting star burned bright there in deep blackness of night there in the shadows we walked. 19 September, 2000 ©Karilea Rilling Jungel |
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| © Copyright 2000 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Okay, my encyclopedic knowledge of poetry tells me that this was written in some type of form, following a pre-determined pattern. Other than that, the only thing I can say is that I really like it! Wonderfully written, and all homages to form aside, very deep.  More please. Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP "Everything is your own damn fault, if you are any good." E. Hemmingway |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
love it Sunshine.  "There is a chord in every heart that has a sigh in it, if touched aright." - Marie Louse De La Ramee (1839-1908), English Writer |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Karilea - I like the form, but even better - I like the way you carried a cognate theme in your transition through the poem. |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
Karilea- I loved this on at least three levels: obviously - the expression of love is so heartfelt the metaphors are fresh and beautiful AND you've (created?)(at least used) a form that catures the eye and the imagination. definitely 6+ *'s on a scale of 1 to 5 |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
JP, Mr. Yeats, I believe there is a name for this form, checking with Nan...she'll know...and if there isn't, then we need to make one up...and by the way, a humble thank you for the kind replies... Victoria, my heart sighs all the time...thank you... LJA - what - no comment of kitties? [This message has been edited by Sunshine (edited 09-19-2000).] |
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JulieAnn Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!! |
I really liked this....great work... Julie :) |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Sunshine, this is wonderful. . . from your heart. . . Excellent my friend. . . ----------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
There in the shadows where footsteps did step There amongst the trees were hidden trusts Souls of past dancing among tomorrow swept Given over to emotions not wallowing in lusts Shadows tiptoeing in souls among fallen star Whispers in the three before midnights stroke Walks in moonlight beneath clouded hearts afar Hidden behind the shadows of moonlights cloak **Karilea-wonderful style and format and I do not know if there is a name for it either but if not then maybe we will have to name it after you. Lovely write in all respects and this one goes in my library on the Karilea shelf. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Julie Ann, thank you for looking in... Sven, always from my heart...don't know how else to do it... Mark, what you've added makes this even more special, thank you for taking the time... |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wow Karilea ... exceptional! The format you used had me reading it again and again, from different angles to take it all in. Absolutely loved this. I too vote, that if this format isn't already named ... then it's now the "Sunshine Format" or something equally befitting ... wonderful writing! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Kit, I do believe I saw Nan teaching something like this...sometime back...AAGGHH...it's got to have a name...I'm not THAT good at making things up! But I'm SO glad you liked it! Thanks! |
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