8th century proverb (Steve's challenge)

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Open Poetry #9

8th century proverb (Steve's challenge)

Effigy
Member

since 2000-04-11

Posts 486
disbelief

0 posted 2000-09-07 12:46 PM

On midnight’s dreary ride
and in hellish, freakish weather
two surviving angles did confide,
and two demons did come hither.
With human bodies, and eyes of Hell’s fury
the hatred shook even stone wall monuments.
The demon’s spread making reality ever so blurry
impeded not by God nor Catholic convents.
With each virgin drop of blood
the demon’s offspring spawned
bringing about an apocalyptic flood
as that dismal, black sun dawned.
Demons
She saw it all, from behind those sad eyes.
Her being a shy little girl, mental state in questioning
The whole world thought it only lies,
They tended to business, as a whole did nothing.
Demons
They are all around, watching from every possible side.
The little girl, and every paranoid man is knowing
That under the bed, and in dark is where the demons reside
And that is the place where their army is still growing.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2000-09-07 02:53 AM

Effigy~ THAT is down right Creepy!!! Wow! Excellent!

-SEA

Live,Love,Laugh :) ~SueB

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

2 posted 2000-09-07 04:43 AM

Scary, especially as the army's growing.
Be well
Kethry

"It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures;
but it is the loss that shapes the image,
gathers the flowers weaves the garland."-

Effigy
Member

since 2000-04-11

Posts 486
disbelief

3 posted 2000-09-07 10:21 AM

I hope I didn't give you nightmares...well hold on yes I do. BOOO!!!

forne_marin
Member

since 2004-04-13

Posts 140
Spartanburg, South Carolina

4 posted 2004-05-04 09:36 AM

Not much on this one. I liked it okay. It's a decent story, but the rhythm is awful and the story is a little covoluted. It's hard to follow and understand what's going on.

I believe the most important component of a poem is rhythm. Rhythm is the heartbeat of a poem. It is what makes poetry poetry.

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