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Open Poetry #9
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catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

0 posted 2000-09-05 06:25 PM


Like a curled and burning paper
that no longer can be read,
your intent is convoluted
into ash of things unsaid.

My intent hides well behind
a mask of false acceptance.
Fights to bury lonely rage
and heart in bitter fragments.

Two of us, or is it four
that twist our lives to death?
The blind ones do contribute
to this game of more or less.

I sweep up all the ashes,
melt the wax of good intent.
The mask is slightly cracked now
reveal hints of what is meant.

To this end, we will prevail
despite obstructions, high.
Too painful to stay twisted-
the resolution nigh...

© Copyright 2000 Sandra - All Rights Reserved
brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
1 posted 2000-09-05 07:18 PM


I sweep up all the ashes,
melt the wax of good intent.
The mask is slightly cracked now
reveal hints of what is meant.

To this end, we will prevail
despite obstructions, high.
Too painful to stay twisted-
the resolution nigh...

Wow Cat, interesting poem, intense and dark yet filled with small rays of hope, but they kind of seem a bit spiked. Ok ranting here, great verse.

Sit down and bargain
"Until your tongues are dry If the havoc and the shame continue We'll drown you in our putrefaction" Primo Levi


ggrn3
Member
since 2000-08-17
Posts 433
Nahunta Georgia U.S.
2 posted 2000-09-05 10:12 PM


Catalinamoon

  This was impressive.  This was a great verse and I can't say enough about it.

Garfield

JulieAnn
Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754
Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!!
3 posted 2000-09-06 04:35 AM


I read this 3 times....i had to comprehend it all....VERY good....it has an awesome edge to it...I liked it!  

Julie :)



Auguste
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953
By the sea
4 posted 2000-09-06 01:28 PM


Sandra,

I was very impressed with this poem.  The imagery was superb and the writing excellent, my friend.

Michael


Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

Sunnyone
Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England
5 posted 2000-09-06 02:09 PM



catalinamoon...
                Yes.....I do appreciate your wonderful touch in this poem. I liked the line; "two of us, or is it four, that twist our lives to death". It probably is four!!
            Very well done, my dear friend!

SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

6 posted 2000-09-06 02:13 PM


~Cat,...such a deep and totally expressive poem you've got here. I read signs of distress and the likes and only hope that you gain all you need to be truly happy. Take care you talented little poet you. *Peace.
WhiteNite
Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 241
Montgomery, AL
7 posted 2000-09-07 01:34 AM


Wow... cool poem.  I visited your home page too.  You deffiniteyl have a talent in poetry.  I like the Desire poems.    --Dave

"Don't let your character get camoflaged with your environment.
Find who you are and let it stay in its true colors." --Rachel Joy Scott



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