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Open Poetry #9
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Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2000-09-04 06:59 AM



BUY ONE - GET ONE FREE


You get two for the price of one!  Can it be?
I’m just buying one and then getting one FREE?

“I’ll take two of those please”, I said to the clerk.
“Then that’s four to be bagged”, she said with  a smirk

“No, No, I want two, One is paid, One is free”
“Then your not getting two, as you stated to me
Your just getting one, and the other one’s free
You should have said ONE and not TWO, don’t you see”

“All right, it is ONE then, but please bag me TWO
One is on me and the other’s on you”
She laughed as she bagged them all shiny and new
“ Nothing is free, dear, you’re paying for TWO”

“Paying for, two? I’m just paying for mine
The second is free like it says on the sign”

“You’re paying for both, dear, it’s as clear as the day
For the first one is worth only half what you paid
So your getting the two and your paying their worth
It’s the greatest marketing tool here on earth
Not only are you paying the regular price
You’re paying it ONCE and you’re paying it TWICE!
The free one’s  not free, dear, you’re just buying TWO
For the price of just ONE, but the joke is on you”

“Now let me see if this makes any sense
I paid a whole buck but it’s worth  fifty cents
But since I have two, their value ‘s a buck
But by my calculations, I think I’m in luck

Since there only worth half , I was gypped out of TWO
So you owe me TWO more, then I’m even with you
So I emptied the TWO on the counter once more
I said clerk, please reimburse me for FOUR
Since the sign says a buck for each one on the rack
I’m giving you FOUR and get FOUR dollars back”

She reluctantly gave me four bucks from the drawer
And was scratching her head as I walked out the door
She reached in and pulled out a pencil and pad
As she quietly whispered, “ I think I’ve been had”

Elizabeth Santos

© Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
1 posted 2000-09-04 07:24 AM


ha ha ha

what fun!!!
"YOU CAN HAVE ONE FOR THE PRICE OF TWO..."  how's that???

regards,
sudhir

rosepetals25
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Elite
since 2000-05-31
Posts 3076
PA
2 posted 2000-09-04 09:20 AM


Elizabeth,

      LOL.  I had to read this twice..lol. Very humorous.. even though my brain is in a swirl.. I should have had my first cup of coffee first..lol

                          rp25

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
3 posted 2000-09-04 09:25 AM


Elizabeth
OK, my second cup of coffee for the evening, read your poem twice. Laughed twice as hard the second time. I think I got my money's worth. Great, Great poem.
Kethry


"It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures;
but it is the loss that shapes the image,
gathers the flowers weaves the garland."-

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
4 posted 2000-09-04 09:28 AM


ROFLMBO-I loved it .... I Loved it ... I loved it.  I worked in the retail industry at many levels for years and I found this one so hilarious but also so realistic true.  I commend you on your vision and wit and now I am off to read it again as I loved it so.
Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 2000-09-04 09:37 AM


AHA!!!

So that's how you get $20 change for spending $10... I always wondered how that worked...


I LOVE THIS!!!!


Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
6 posted 2000-09-04 10:44 AM


Sudhir, "One for the price of two"
That is American department store phylosophy.
Thank you

Rosepetal, Yeh, my head was swirling when I wrote it. Always have your coffee before reading confusing poetry

Kethry, If you read it twice, you got 4 laughs

Mark, I'm also in the retail business, that's how I was able to write this!

Nan, Glad you enjoyed this.  

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
7 posted 2000-09-04 10:58 AM


I'm so confused! LOL  Is this why sales are so popular? They're so much fun to read about in poetic verse!    
doreen peri
Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812
Virginia
8 posted 2000-09-04 11:21 AM


ROFL



Liz- you've outdone yourself with this one... what a riot!!! you should work in advertising... i might just have a job for you... mine! hehe... very funny stuff    

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
9 posted 2000-09-04 11:22 AM


Liz--this was great fun...I don't know how you even thought of it, much less wrote about it...my mind is twirling..I must go try that cup of coffee.
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
10 posted 2000-09-04 12:23 PM


PDV, I'm as cofuse as you are

Doreen, I do some advertising, but not this kind. But it's easy for me to read into an ad

Matie, Pour me one while you're at it

Liz

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
11 posted 2000-09-04 01:51 PM


    

ROFL ... Liz!
I found myself re-reading each verse as I went, just to keep up ... wonderful humour my friend!! Great big chuckles, just what I needed!!!

    

Thank you and best wishes,
/Kit

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
12 posted 2000-09-04 01:55 PM




~LiZ~

Very clever and sooooo funny! You are too much, girl    I remember this poem from a while back and I love it even more now.  This was a great addition to Nan's challenge           

Take care,
Melissa Honeybee
< !signature-->

The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams




[This message has been edited by Melissa Honeybee (edited 09-04-2000).]

JulieAnn
Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754
Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!!
13 posted 2000-09-04 02:19 PM


LMFAO!!!! This is too funny....i have confused a teller or two myself and if you knew me it wouldn't come as such a surprise....but this is too funny!!!! I am still trying to quit laughing!!!  

Julie :)



Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
14 posted 2000-09-04 05:38 PM


Kit, Melissa, and Julie Ann,
Perhaps the four of us should go shopping togeher. The salespeople will never be the same
Glad you enjoyed it
Liz

Auguste
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953
By the sea
15 posted 2000-09-04 07:48 PM


Hi Liz,

This was a delight. (laughing)  You also had me scratching my own head.  Wonderfully written, my friend.  

Best wishes!

Michael


Proust-
"Love is space and time measured by the heart"

Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
16 posted 2000-09-04 07:57 PM


How about this:

Satisfaction guaranteed or no money back!

ha ha ha

Elizabeth

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
17 posted 2000-09-04 09:45 PM


Michael,
Thank you for reading and commenting on this poem. There's a little double talk in there, that's why you and the saleslady are both scratching your heads

Elizabeth,
Great slogan! How aboutthis:
(Notes in margin of retailers journal)
Suggested reatil price 599.00
Sale price for suckers 499.00
Actual Value           199.00
But for you, my friend only 99.00
Cost for retailer      24.00


Elizabeth
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871
Minnesota
18 posted 2000-09-04 09:52 PM


ROFL! Loved those retailer notes, Elizabeth!

Elizabeth

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