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Passions in Poetry

Internet Bride (Nan's Humor Challenge)

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Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


0 posted 09-03-2000 03:21 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Poet deVine


He saw her photo on the Internet
Wearing a babushka on her head
Golden hair and delft blue eyes
Her lips full and cherry red

She said she wanted just to be
An American girl all her life
Said she was looking for a kind-hearted man
To woo her and make her his wife

She promised true devotion
And a brood of 10 kids or more
She loved to cook and clean
And was willing to do much more!

She said she had a degree in
Nuclear Fusion and Astronomy
That she could pole vault faultlessly
And hoped for Russian autonomy

He sent her money to pay her fare
Wrote sonnets to her many charms
Told all his friends shed be coming
Into his waiting arms.


Meanwhile in a Russian village:


Zay call me Olga da Porkling
cause my fist is big as a ham
no man here vill marry wez me
zay say its mean I yam

Ze mudder make me sign up
For American groom you zee
Hell pay gold to take me avay
Zen my zister get husband for free

Each week my zweetie zend me
Hundred Merican bucks in za mail
I gev it to my mudder to
Keep my brudder outta jail

Zoon it vill be time to go
To live in za land of plenty
I vant to be mud vrestler
Zince I vas young girl of twenty

I may be zirty nine years old
And ugly so my mudder zay
But I know vhat merican men want
Zis Olga know how to play

The meeting:

At half past ten on Saturday
Our hero stood at the gate
For this was the day hed prayed for
And he hoped her plane wasnt late

So tall and handsome, was he,
Wearing dockers and a shirt
Anxiously anticipating her
In a tight, leather mini skirt

As the plane emptied, he stared
Looking for his blonde goddess to alit
When all of a sudden he was grabbed
And squeezed uncomfortably tight

Wearing overalls and muddy boots
Was the bride hes sworn to adore
She smelled like a pigpen and
Mustve been at least six foot four

Olga smiled at her new hubby
zis iz vonderful day for me
ven do we get to do it
been vaiting patiently

Our hero paled at this thought
And tried to back away
come here my lubchink lover
its time vor us to play

At that dear Olga drew out a football
Threw it long right then and there
Our hero ran long to catch it
And tripped on someones chair

He jumped up and kept running
No one has seen him since
And Olga, poor Russian bride
Was sent back to her hometown of Minsk!


© Copyright 2000 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved
doreen peri
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since 05-25-99
Posts 8028
Virginia


1 posted 09-03-2000 03:29 PM       View Profile for doreen peri   Email doreen peri   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for doreen peri

VERY well done, sharon!!!

ROFL!!! this is priceless!  
BSC
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since 02-04-2000
Posts 2942
New York, USA


2 posted 09-03-2000 05:12 PM       View Profile for BSC   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BSC

OMG ROFL           I LOVE THIS SHARON, I'm laughing so hard I'm snorting...sound kinda like ol' Olga I imagine.  Bonnie
English Rose
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since 08-20-2000
Posts 212
Berkshire, England


3 posted 09-03-2000 06:11 PM       View Profile for English Rose   Email English Rose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for English Rose


He he    you are so funny....that was great!!
Steve B
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since 08-07-2000
Posts 140
Southern PA


4 posted 09-03-2000 06:14 PM       View Profile for Steve B   Email Steve B   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Steve B's Home Page   View IP for Steve B

de vinely funny... actually roflmao funny.. very good....
             Steve B  
Honeybee
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since 12-26-1999
Posts 5512
Ontario, CANADA


5 posted 09-03-2000 06:15 PM       View Profile for Honeybee   Email Honeybee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Honeybee


Omigod LMAO!  You are the queen of humour, this is priceless.  I loved it!

Take care,
Melissa Honeybee


The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams


Marge Tindal
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since 11-06-1999
Posts 43042
Florida's Foreverly Shores


6 posted 09-03-2000 06:24 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

deVine~
Lord !  Lord !
This is just uproariously hysterical !
Too, too much !
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 06-21-2000
Posts 7338
In the winds of Cherokee song


7 posted 09-03-2000 06:33 PM       View Profile for Mark Bohannan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark Bohannan

ROFL-this was beautifully presented in it's form and I laughed all the way through it.  You have penned quite a tale.  Loved it much.
Poet deVine
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since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


8 posted 09-03-2000 09:19 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Thank you all for your kind replies..it gives me great joy to know I've made someone smile!    
Denise
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since 08-22-99
Posts 23002


9 posted 09-03-2000 09:40 PM       View Profile for Denise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Denise

Good choice for the challenge, Sharon! ROFL   .....just like the first time I read it!

Denise
catalinamoon
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since 06-03-2000
Posts 9897
The Shores of Alone


10 posted 09-03-2000 11:36 PM       View Profile for catalinamoon   Email catalinamoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit catalinamoon's Home Page   View IP for catalinamoon

Sharon, too hilarious. I have been laughing from the beginning. Great stuff!
Catalinamoon
Chanson
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since 08-19-2000
Posts 1608
Up Creek w/Out Paddle


11 posted 09-03-2000 11:44 PM       View Profile for Chanson   Email Chanson   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Chanson

Sooooo funny!  

I'm joining the rest on the floor...laughing!
                   

--...chanson~

"Music, when soft voices die,
Vibrates in the memory..."
P.B. Shelley


WhtDove
Member Rara Avis
since 07-22-99
Posts 9561
Illinois


12 posted 09-03-2000 11:56 PM       View Profile for WhtDove   Email WhtDove   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit WhtDove's Home Page   View IP for WhtDove

LMBO!! Olga! What a picture LOL....
You've outdone yourself! And a smile? You made us ROLL with LAUGHTER not just a  
Nan
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since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


13 posted 09-04-2000 11:04 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

h3>This is toooooooooooooooooo funny....
          
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


14 posted 09-04-2000 11:12 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Now how did I miss zis?  ROFL...
LM
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since 08-03-2000
Posts 585


15 posted 09-04-2000 11:46 AM       View Profile for LM   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LM

Ha ha...funny...  
Kethry
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since 07-29-2000
Posts 9235
Victoria Australia


16 posted 09-04-2000 04:46 PM       View Profile for Kethry   Email Kethry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kethry

PDV How did I miss this first time around?
Soooooo Funny. ROTFLLMAO. LOL. *LAUGHS* ROTFL
                                    
Kethry


"It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures;
but it is the loss that shapes the image,
gathers the flowers weaves the garland."-
Romy
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since 05-28-2000
Posts 1226
Plantation, Florida


17 posted 09-04-2000 04:55 PM       View Profile for Romy   Email Romy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Romy

This is hilarious! Great poem!
LoveBug
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18 posted 09-04-2000 05:12 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

ROFLMGBO!!!!



      

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea
LoveBug
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since 01-08-2000
Posts 5015


19 posted 09-04-2000 05:13 PM       View Profile for LoveBug   Email LoveBug   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveBug

ROFLMGBO!!!!



      

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." -Oscar Wilde
"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" -Shakespea
JamesMichael
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since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


20 posted 09-04-2000 05:19 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Indeed a funny and very interesting poem...James
Moon Dust
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since 06-11-99
Posts 2250
Skelmersdale, UK


21 posted 09-04-2000 05:29 PM       View Profile for Moon Dust   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moon Dust

hehehe you are the queen of hummor

What I write and others read is your own experiance and perceptions.
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


22 posted 09-04-2000 05:33 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Thanks so much for the laugh...this was great!!!
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


23 posted 10-08-2000 09:46 PM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

Indeed this is priceless,Oh Sharon, hehe it vas so gud to rid dis again, my luvely gel heheh.  
Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


24 posted 03-10-2013 03:09 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

This is just plain funny and very well written.  Thank you, PdV.

A
 
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