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Open Poetry #9
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Where Beauty Lies
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Where Beauty Lies |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374
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Not the whispered wings of dragonflies Nor the golden hues of sweet sunrise ....your lips ........your cheeks ............your nose ................your eyes This is where true beauty lies Not the melodic charm of an ocean sigh Nor the moonlit clouds in a starlit sky ....your dreams ........your hopes ............your laughs ................your cries This is where true beauty lies Not the morning dance of a butterfly Nor the soothing tune of a cricket's cry ....your heart ........your soul ............your love ................your mind This is where true beauty lies I stand in wonder at all He did create I stand in wonder at the beauty of your face In this world of splendor I take no surprise That nothing compares in a mother's eyes With all my love, for my daughters, Brittny and Kristin. This was a welcome home present (this and a dozen new fish) for my daughters after spending a month in CA with their father on vacation last year. < !signature--> -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com [This message has been edited by ladysixstring (edited 08-29-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jaimie D. Travis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JnR4eva Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 377Bronx, NY |
hey there...i seen this poem before..i think...this is GOOD..REALLY GOOD i loved the format and the beautiful flow of words...and the choice of words...you've done a wonderful job with this this is a great piece  "my love is my motivation my love is my inspiration perception of this poem is your interpretation" -- rlt |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Beautiful thoughts...I agree totally...James |
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Michael G Senior Member
since 2000-06-25
Posts 579Nashville |
OOhh I really liked this one, your struncture and wordage are wonderfull descriptions, and even a dad can see that....... |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
JnR4eva - Yes, I posted this one on Critical Analysis a while back... I think 2 or 3 of you read it there. Thanks for taking the time to read again. jmlee12345 - Thank you for reading. Michael G - You are so kind, Thanks!! -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
this was so beautiful and I loved the form I have often used it myself...it makes for great emphasis, lady ~~soft smiles Maureen I don't know the ages of your daughters but I had a suggestion once to a friend (I have no children but taught and have over 35 nieces and nephews) anyway..I suggested that with photos and memories in poetry start a memory album for each and then on their 16th birthday or wedding day or day of their childs birth hand it to them with all the photo and word visials and think of how much meaning that will have...especially if you are a poet now and have the opportunity even if only one for each special occasion and birthday... Maureen |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
Yes....this is a beautiful song....I can almost hear you singing it!!! Wonderful writing, my friend! Today is a gift.... That is why they call it 'the Present'! |
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poutprincess Senior Member
since 2000-07-06
Posts 735Perth, Western Australia, Australia |
wonderful! i'll be sure to read this one to my son for many years to come...thank you for such perfect words! ~Dawn "Steady as it comes, right down to you, I've said it all, so maybe we're a Bliss of another kind" Bliss-Tori Amos |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
MMoonchild - Thank you, and wonderful idea... I should start a book for them. Oh, they are 7 and 9. Sunny1 - Thank you. For some reason, this one has me stumped when it comes to a melody. Absolutely nothing in my head whatsoever. Maybe one day. I'll let you know. poutprincess - How very sweet you are... you've made my day!! -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com |
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Chanson Senior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 1559Up Creek w/Out Paddle |
This is beautiful...the flow, the presentation, the works! ....chanson~ |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Beautifully written, tender and loving! |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
beautiful, beautiful poetry... too lovely for words... regards, sudhir |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
What a beautiful tribute to your children! |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
chansondegeste, Martie, sudhir and Sunshine... Thank you all!! -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Not the whispered wings of dragonflies Nor the golden hues of sweet sunrise ....your lips ........your cheeks ............your nose ................your eyes This is where true beauty lies I think that's probably the most perfect meter and rhyme I've ever seen.... a nice wrapping for such gorgeous imagery! Kudos kid -- you're a gifted poet... and I think you're right.... our kids are quite adept at making us fall in love with them... remember -- God made kids cute so you don't kill them... lol |
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susanbartee Member
since 2000-08-15
Posts 119Channelview, TX USA |
This is very beautiful. There is nothing like a mother's love for her children. Loved the written format also. |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
Local Rebel and susanbartee - Thank you both, very much! -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
 To say I loved this is a gross understatement. Yesterday I was at a family reunion - and I would have been bored to tears except for my angelic granddaughter - She hugged and loved her poppop - through all the things that might have been dull - but she made magical ~*Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and richness to life that nothing else can bring. ~ Oscar Wilde ~ *~ wilfredyeats@hotmail.com [This message has been edited by Wilfred Yeats (edited 08-28-2000).] |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
So this is framed and hanging in their rooms right? It should be as you have hung your heart in it as well. Very beautiful and very sweet. Only from a mom could this have come. |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
Wilfred Yeats - It usually is the children who bring "meaning" to family reunion... in our eyes. But in there eyes... it's poppop!! Thank you for reading... and for sharing. Mark Bohannan - I keep meaning too, but I haven't gotten to it yet... terrible... I know. Thank you very much!! |
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Dee Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330Queensland, Australia |
Jaimie, this is so beautiful. Tugged at my heart as I thought of my own two girls. Dee |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Lady SS* Tenderly and lovingly written, the love for your daughter shows in every eloquent line...beautiful work~ |
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oh2beme Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 215NV USA |
Brought tears to this mother's eyes. I have 2 boys, 8 and 9. My love grows stronger for them each day. I am a single mom and they help me so very much. I would love to frame your work and hang it in their room to remind them of my love when I'm not there. Thanks for your beautiful words. They will forever paint the picture in my mind. |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
lady, I have two girls, and this made me cry because they are with their father for now, due to uncontrollable circumstances, but they'll be back soon. Nicely done, definate piece of art to me. |
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Jenn E Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 589Kelowna, BC, Canada |
Lucky girls they are to have you, this I see. Your love shines through this whole "awsome flowing" poem. Jenn E |
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EagleOne Member Elite
since 2000-03-07
Posts 2829Between a laugh and a tear... |
This is just so beautiful! Excellent! "The heart and soul have no illusion of boundries when friendship is the quest" ~ My Angel. |
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