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Open Poetry #9
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Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven

0 posted 2000-08-26 11:54 PM


I stand alone in silent observation as
Music plays
  Children run
   Couples dance
     Everyone laughs
Except me

I walk alone in silent contemplation as
Music mocks
  Children circle
   Couples hug
    Everyone smiles
Except me

I sit alone in silent tears as
Music ends
  Children sleep
   Couples kiss
    Everyone leaves
Except me







Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



© Copyright 2000 Jamie Patterson - All Rights Reserved
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
1 posted 2000-08-27 12:09 PM


Alienation from the world can cause such pain within...very sad words here, but written extremely well.  I enjoyed this greatly.  

*Krista Knutson*

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back."
-Barbara DeAngelis

Xeonox
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764
CA, USA
2 posted 2000-08-27 12:10 PM


This words I know too well. You are a great poem. Thank you for sharing  

Ronil (What I say I live by and what I live by is what I create).

Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
3 posted 2000-08-27 03:20 AM


Wow..such powerfully sad emotion here sir. Wonderfully written.
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
4 posted 2000-08-27 03:38 AM


Very wonderful but sad piece it.  You have penned I well.
Tanga
Junior Member
since 2000-07-02
Posts 39
BC Canada
5 posted 2000-08-27 03:56 AM


Tears trickle down my cheeks as I watch Jamie's solitude of silence. Take my hand and dance with the devil in the moonlight. <**>
Sunnyone
Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334
Staffordshire, England
6 posted 2000-08-27 01:13 PM


Jamie...
        Never will you be the exception!! The words you write draw love to you like a magnet........just look........


Today is a gift....
That is why they call it
'the Present'!



Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
7 posted 2000-08-27 01:18 PM


OOHh Jamie...I cant stand to see those brown eyes so sad. You have tears running down my cheeks with this one darlin
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
8 posted 2000-08-27 10:16 PM


Thanks for the support and encouragement, as well as the kind words for the poem.

jamie

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2000-08-27 10:33 PM


I do believe you have everyone crying...even me...
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

10 posted 2000-08-27 11:09 PM


Excellent writing, Jamie. I'm sure many can relate to the pain in this. Very well expressed!

Denise

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

11 posted 2000-08-28 03:08 AM


Oh Jamie, this is so sad and so beautifully written, brought tears to my eyes.
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
12 posted 2000-08-28 04:38 AM


You have mastered the sad emotions here...

Oh, a Jamie wonder... Exquisite writing...

regards,
sudhir

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

13 posted 2000-08-28 04:42 AM


This is perfect, you have captured this sadness and I really appreciated the way that it read out loud...thanks.
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
14 posted 2000-08-28 05:36 PM


I am sorry to have caused so many tears, though it does warm the heart. Thanks to everyone for caring.



Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



MMoonchild
Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715
PA
15 posted 2000-08-28 05:44 PM


Awwww

need a hug?...{{hugs}} I know what it's like to feel alone...
felt the words...
~~softly sighing
Maureen

Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

16 posted 2000-08-28 05:54 PM


What strikes me most about this poem is the form in which it's written. The theme of isolation is clearly expressed, not only by the content (which is poignant and yes, sad) but also by the form you've chosen for this piece. What an insightful choice. I admire your skill, and understand fully the feelings within it. Take care ~

~ Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau


catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
17 posted 2000-08-28 06:08 PM


Jamie, I have so often felt this pain, and you expressed it perfectly. I like the form also, very much. Take care.
catalinamoon

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