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Open Poetry #9
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Through The Storm
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Through The Storm |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648
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The gray clouds billow thick above the sea Once placid rolling swells ferociously Crash hard upon the shore and pulverize The rock producing sand before my eyes. Soft gentle breezes but a memory As gale force wind shears through the heart of me As driving sheets of rain obscure my sight I blindly grope for hope in darkest night. But storms all end, again I will be free To sail upon the ocean peacefully To soar again above in cloudless skies A little weatherworn – a bit more wise. Safe harbor I can take midst fury’s height Then from the sand craft castles that delight. 8/21/00 |
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| © Copyright 2000 Denise - All Rights Reserved | |||
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
oh how this one flowed across my tongue so gracefully...I love it! Poems about nature always touch me. |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
I loved this! Especially "As driving sheets of rain obscure my sight, I blindly grope for hope in darkest night." Hope lives eternal in there. Wonderful piece. jwesley |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
I think you've posted this in the wrong place ... you meant to go one category down, right?  You do some nice things with sounds here. I especially liked: "As gale force wind shears through the heart of me" which I scanned: "as GALE / FORCE WIND / SHEARS through / the HEART / of ME" The effect on me of your substitutions in the second and third feet gave the impression of a prolonged and forceful gust ... great use of meter, Denise. I found similar delight in "CRASH HARD" and "the GRAY / CLOUDS BIL- / -low ...". Okay ... I'll stop now but I couldn't resist pointing out some of the strengths of this poem. Nice work. I'm glad I ventured out of my lair for a minute. Jim |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you, Passing Shadows, JWesley and Jim for reading and for such wonderful replies! I'm glad you all liked it! Jim, venture out of your lair whenever you wish! It's always nice to see you in Open! I wish I could say that the effect of the meter was intentional, then I could feel like I knew what I was doing...hehehe...but it wasn't...it was just how I was feeling at the moment and that's how it turned out. But I will certainly keep your comments in mind for future reference, as I always do.  Denise |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
This is a powerful poem....and what better way to write than with how you feel at the moment |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
A music professor one time dissected one of the Beatles' songs, explaining it's popularity by the way certain chords were strung together producing a certain effect on areas of the inner ear and a lot of other scientific data concerning pitches, octave management and stuff.....to which McCartney replied, "Really? We just wrote it the way we felt." Denise, you're just a natural. Enjoy the ability.....and you have it |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
wonderful poetry Denise... your poems always flow so beautifully... |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Denise~ The waves and wind built to a crescendo and then the ebbing brought a thoughtful serenity. Yep .... it's feeling that counts ! You made us feel it too ! Thank you for this moving piece of poetry. Love ya' ~*Marge*~ *If Mike reads this .... please drop me an e-mail as I have something to share on your 'The River' poem and keep getting kicked out when I try to reply. It's real important ! ~*Marge*~ ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Denise--this is beautifully done, the storm and calm, both internal and external! |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
Such a wonderful line... "The rock producing sand before my eyes." This is simply beautiful!! -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com |
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Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
Denise, I have read this no less than three times as it spoke to me. Wonderful writing and great expressions. I'm sure I will read this one often. Love, Marcy |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Denise, Queen of the sonnet, you have written a memorable piece, beautiful and powerful.You have used the storm theme in a unique way Liz |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Denise This is incredibly flowing... beautifully penned... lovely imagery and then a most wonderful last couplet "Safe harbor I can take midst fury’s height Then from the sand craft castles that delight." regards, sudhir [This message has been edited by Sudhir Iyer (edited 08-22-2000).] |
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
Hello Denise... Your writing here is as beautiful and vivid as any you have done. Such a joy to read your words!! Today is a gift.... That is why they call it 'the Present'! |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Denise: Balladeer is absolutely right. You have the talent to know what sounds right and I was merely trying to illustrate why I thought it worked so well. Don't undersell your talent, Denise. Your poem is very well written. Jim |
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Tennessee Angel Senior Member
since 2000-06-03
Posts 661Tennessee |
Ah, Denise, this is so inspirational and can apply to so many different situations in life. It's beautiful and it makes me feel good just to read it. One of so many lovely works I've read of yours. --You can either take me as I am...or you can watch me as I go.-- |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
I must concur with Balladeer...you, my friend, are a natural. Safe harbor... this is beautiful... ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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RobertB Senior Member
since 1999-09-26
Posts 1104Champaign, IL |
Hey Denise, I think I rode to shore on a few of the waves you describe. Good one Girl if you can dream; you can fly...if you are flying; you are dreaming. |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you so much, Paula, Balladeer, Mike, Marge, Martie, Ladysixstring, Marcy, Elizabeth, Sudhir, Sunny, Jim, Tennesse Angel, Claire and Robert for reading and for your wonderful replies! You all make the effort of writing worth the while! If it weren't for the encouragement that I find here, I would have stopped writing long ago. Balladeer - Thanks for passing on that little story, I'd never heard it before. It sounds like something they would say! I knew that they couldn't read music...but damn...they were good, weren't they?McCartney was my favorite Beatle, who was yours? Jim - I know what you were doing and I sincerely appreciate it. I didn't mean to sound as though I were selling myself short, I just wish I had the capacity to disect poetry like you do. Knowing how to make a poem 'work' can lead to some mighty good writing! I've learned quite a bit in my year here in the forums and hope to continue! Denise |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
I liked it a lot!!!!!! |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Thank you, Vandana! I'm so glad that you did! Denise |
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