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Open Poetry #9
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Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

0 posted 2000-08-19 07:51 AM



Within The Mist

On an evening just like this
In softness of an ocean mist
With gray of evening settling in
I stood and watched the sea with him

It was as though we were as one
Our hearts and minds had just begun
To meld together with the sea
A lovely rapturous entity

He is still there among the mist
The place where we embraced and kissed
For every night at evening time
I feel his presence next to mine

What madness makes a fantasy
That still can overpower me
That I cannot accept the truth
He found another love in youth

And still his spirit does exist
Within the swirling ocean mist
It makes me think that he must be
At that same hour remembering me

Perhaps it’s true, he comes to me
In waves of haze from rolling sea
In misty mind’s telepathy
He strolls along the beach with me

Within a wistful twisted mind
That mystery tryst at evening time
He still appears with me like this
At graying dusk within the mist

Elizabeth Santos

© Copyright 2000 Elizabeth Santos - All Rights Reserved
Meadowmuse
Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

1 posted 2000-08-19 08:19 AM


Beautiful writing, Liz. Isn't it astonishing how memory/fantasy/reverie can at times seem so real in our "mists"? Wonderful work, my friend.

~ Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau


ellie LeJeune
Member Elite
since 2000-01-10
Posts 4156
King of Prussia, PA USA
2 posted 2000-08-19 08:34 AM


Liz; I love the mystical romanticism of this haunting poem. We never forget that first love. Ellie

Summers haunting melody
that awakens
the butterflies,
calling them to join
the dance
in their silent song
of praise to God.

eL

LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion
3 posted 2000-08-19 09:02 AM


Liz

Whenever I write something that I want to be really really well written, I work hard at it.  I polish the lines, fight a form of tone-deafness that plagues me with every line I write, suffer through rewrites, and, after all that anguish, I post the poem, only to see its weaknesses blare forth.

You, on the other hand, produce poetry that makes me shake my head in wonder, and in frustration.  This poem is a perfect example of that.  I didn't notice myself reading your lines, because I was in the mist, there with you, and I felt your remorse and heart.  You write so well.

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
4 posted 2000-08-19 09:10 AM


"Perhaps it’s true, he comes to me
In waves of haze from rolling sea
In misty mind’s telepathy
He strolls along the beach with me"

What a mystical remembrance penned with romanticism and longing ... just beautiful Liz!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
5 posted 2000-08-19 09:23 AM


Elizabeth,
Where ever the mist does insist
He really truly does exist.
A wonderful lovely poem.
Love Sy

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
6 posted 2000-08-19 10:52 AM


Oh Elizabeth,
I could feel myself right at the ocean when I read this tale of sadness. This is just great, so telling, and so wanting.

ladysixstring
Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374

7 posted 2000-08-19 10:56 AM


You set the perfect setting for this tragic story.  Very well written... very well said!!!

-jaimie
www.ladysixstring.com



Alicat
Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094
Coastal Texas
8 posted 2000-08-19 11:21 AM


Simply beautiful.
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
9 posted 2000-08-19 11:54 AM


Liz,
this is Elizabeth Santos and this is poetry...

regards,
sudhir
P.s. WOW I used metaphors...  

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
10 posted 2000-08-19 04:38 PM


Hello....my name is Mark, and I am a Liz poetry addict.   Your words and the ease of which you place them down is simply amazing.  You have penned another sad "Masterpiece" and I remain in awe.


Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
11 posted 2000-08-19 07:54 PM


Claire, Your compliments always make me smile
Thank you

Ellie,Who can forget that first love? They stay with us forever  -  if only in the mist
THanks, dear

LngJhn, I don't even know what to say. You shower me with such lavish praise. But in reality we are our own wordt critics, and as many know, I don't feel confident in my poetry. I just write what I feel each morning.
And incidentally, I've seen some pretty exquisite poetry from your pen, my friend. Thank you so much for your generous response

Kit, I think this one sounds like you
So glad you liked it

Sy, He exists only in my imagination. Thank you for your sweet reply

Bill, Thank you, my romantic friend

ladysixstring, I like your name. Thank you so much for your comments

Alicat, I appreciate your reading and responding
Thanks

Sudhir, You who are a poet's poet, raise my spirit to new heights

Mark, You make me laugh and you make me weep at the same time. Your comments are always so touching
Thank you

Liz


CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

12 posted 2000-08-19 08:04 PM


With baited breath I await your next poem you will share with us.
I also ditto what Mark has said...
...you have me too as an admirer of your talent in verseNrhyme

Lovely Lovely Poem  
Coco

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
13 posted 2000-08-19 08:17 PM


Liz--You really know how to write the poignancy into romance...beautifully done, my friend!
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
14 posted 2000-08-19 08:24 PM


Coco, Thank you. You are so sweet and I am just getting ready to post a poem. I hope you like it.

Martie, Any positive remark you make about my poetry is like the master saying, well done, my son. For you are a mentor to me and I suppose to many others.
Thank you, dear
Liz

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

15 posted 2000-08-19 08:49 PM


like a mystic song sung of morn
like dew on new rose petals born
like rainbows rising out of summers mist
reading Liz's poetry is like being sweetly kissed.

*************

love this beautiful poem Liz,
absolutely enchanting...
take care gifted poet
jm

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
16 posted 2000-08-19 09:02 PM


What a sweet verse. Thank you for your comments.You make me smile
Liz

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
17 posted 2000-08-19 09:10 PM


Elizabeth~
You KNOW this little ole' romantic loves it !
Has all the right elements ....

'What madness makes a fantasy
That still can overpower me'


*Sighs*
Loving you~
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



juliet_2u
Senior Member
since 2000-07-23
Posts 1125
North Carolina
18 posted 2000-08-19 09:11 PM


Oh Liz this is breath takingly beautiful. I was in that mist with you. Totally swept away.
Juls

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
19 posted 2000-08-19 09:20 PM


** continuing to admire with awe **
Knight Dreams
Junior Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 46
Austin, Texas
20 posted 2000-08-19 09:24 PM


Emotional journey you took me on...Superb peice of writing.
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
21 posted 2000-08-19 09:55 PM


You DO take us all with you
on your flights of fancy, Elizabeth...


Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
22 posted 2000-08-20 12:17 PM


Liz,
So vivid I can hear the waves ...
Doc

Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

23 posted 2000-08-20 12:23 PM


Absolutely beautiful, Elizabeth. Perfection.

Denise

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
24 posted 2000-08-20 06:55 AM


Marge, Thanks dear, you always like the romantic ones

Juls, Your comments are very kind

Balladeer, Your remarks humble me

Knights dream, Very kind remarks. Thanks

Sunshine - "flights of fancy. That's my perpetual state
Thank you, dear

Doc, Thank you for your comment

Denise, Thank you dear, your always there with me, sunshine or mist

Liz

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