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Open Poetry #9
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The Argument (#1)
| Open Poetry #9 |
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The Argument (#1) |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Arguments and harsh words divided our house and bed. now, barely listening nor hearing what the other said Surrendering was foreign to me My heart ached that this was so I neither wanted you to stay nor did I want you to go You walked around the room in silently angry frustration I wanted to heal our hearts but met with consternation That night I lay in my bath water a soothing panacea and from this tub of mine I got a sudden idea. You walked into the bathroom to brush your teeth before bed you didn’t note me lying there never even turned your head So I rose from the tub quickly wearing nothing but water and soap running my hands over my curves smiling with love and hope You watched me as I offered a prayer for the end of the war your eyes darkened in just that way before you turned and walked out the door. Shattered I stood, now cold in the tub of my despair I offered you a truce and you didn’t even care. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
OUCH! this poem is AWESOME... and deVine in it's pain and reality... i'm glad he left... he didn't deserve you |
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Wilfred Yeats Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704Wilmington, Delaware |
midst tears - I dug this up don't think it will help much but I hope it softens things anyhow: The Argument He'd come home that day in bitter rage Driving up the sloping drive Wheels squealing as he stopped. Slamming doors so did he strive. In the room he saw her standing Her anger matching his His vision blurred by rage, hers too His thoughts of love were in a quiz. Approaching now, fingers curling She, feeling "What to throw?" Shouting now "Why'd you do it?" Shouting back "Why'd you know?" Now she saw the tie she'd bought him. The scent of Onions, He smelled now, Food she only made for him Hit his anger made him cow Looks exchanged, anger softening And she looked up in surprise Memories crowding, anger pushed back Thoughts of times spent sharing joys His hands reached out and pulled her to him Kiss of love mixed with anger Her fists against his chest between them Pursed lips meeting his in wonder Rage, confusion, love, frustration Mingled in the kiss not broken Kiss returned, the battle changing Passion rising most unbidden Rough, inflamed, love now stormy "*******!", "*****!" feelings broken Grasping arms, kisses fierce "Kiss me!" "Shut up!" words spoken Clothes torn off in disarray Carried to the bedroom laughing Wondering at the power of love now Fire now with one idea fueling Fury turned to aid each other They lay upon the bed now sated Thinking now of cruel words spoken Of spite and hurt the thoughts abated "I'm Sorry." "Me too." clasping hugs now Tears for all bad thoughts end "It was silly." "Shut up and kiss me" It is thus all fights should bend. |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
Certainly not the ending I anticipated. I was completely stunned... thanks for being so unpredictable!!! -jaimie www.ladysixstring.com |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
Very sorry to hear how this turned out ... How painful this must have been ... I could not have done such a thing to the one I love ... even when angry |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
*pssst..it's not for real..it's fictional poetry...sorry, didn't want anyone to think this was about me..(no man in my life so therefore, no one to reject me! LOL) |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
I cant imagine ANY man rejecting you....I am just glad that this is not a real life situation for you. Well written and we would expect no less.....now is there a #2 coming soon? |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
OUCH is right! Yet another man I must poke in the eye! This entire piece was great, and the last stanza was especially gripping! ~Sheri |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Ms. deVine...this was just too real too close to the bone...wonderful write |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
"No man in your life?" I'm hurt! But this rocks... especialy the tub and soap thing.. hehe |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
Fictional? .... ok!! ... then we're all coming over for a hot-tub party !!  You write too well had me believing you  |
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ggrn3 Member
since 2000-08-17
Posts 433Nahunta Georgia U.S. |
This was very vivid. I could picture these two individuals in each stanza. Marvelous work. I'm anxiously waiting for #2. Garfield |
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Poetry Princess Junior Member
since 2000-08-19
Posts 28Des Moines, IA |
It threw me totally I assumed he would take you up on the offer emidiatly. I thought that was very suspencful. And have had actually almost the same thing happen to me. I loved the peom. You are a very good suspence writer. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Excellent Sharon! Now without sounding like a voyeur .. might I say you had me right in the room there with you for that painful poingnant conclusion ... ouch indeed! I felt that one! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Fred Hobbs Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 329Tallahassee, Florida, US |
Sharon, I wanted to assure you Although we've never met I'm someone you can turn to Alone and soaking wet. . . fh |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Ms. Goddess.... you write fictional poetry so well.... the rest of us are merely doomed to writing "what we know". Still I suspect, you draw on life experience even in fiction.... Kudos Goddess |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
Wow deVine. . . this is amazing. . . Sometimes, the argument has just gone on too long. . . and nothing can stop it. . . and nothing can change it. . . Superb. . . ------------------------------------------------------ That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Sharon, thank you so much for pulling this from those dusty archives. Seems I missed this one first go round, more's the pity. Though the message is harsh, it is written wonderfully, with a poignant anti-climactic (no pun intended) twist in the final verse. BTW, does it ever get below 100 here?  |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Thank you all for your kind comments. I'm calling a contractor now to see if we can get a shower here at Passions! (and Ali, no! it never gets below 100  ) |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
EXQUISITE X T R P S EXCEPTIONAL M R U E F N L E N Y C N T I N GREAT My regards, sudhir |
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X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
*sigh* I hate fighting.... great poem Sharon ~H |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Wow! If that didn't work, well then, the hell with him, I say! You do the twists so well! Corinne |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Very well indeed! Great writing, Sharon! Denise |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Oh Sharon, I know this pain too well. But I rather get a kick out of Irie's personal plan of revenge...if she lives up to her promises...my guy will be reading his "Dear John" letter in braille....Hugs to you... |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Must have been either one more angry and stubborn man, or else he was getting soapy somewhere else!.....wonderful poem!!! Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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JnR4eva Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 377Bronx, NY |
Granted that this may not be your life, and thank goodness is isn't, but situations may happen like this. I love the way you have penned it This is really a great piece of work here "my love is my motivation my love is my inspiration perception of this poem is your interpretation" -- me |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
dern! dang! This one hurt. I hate the cold shoulder...very well described, I could feel the pain and anger and maybe a little fear. |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Poet deVine, You have tackled a tough subject very well. Sometimes it is just not worth fighting for and you have to move on. Nice writing. Lone Wolf Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats |
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JulieAnn Senior Member
since 2000-06-12
Posts 754Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!! |
Great discription of the confusion of that little thing called LOVE???? well I liked it anyway.... Julie :) |
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English Rose Member
since 2000-08-20
Posts 211Berkshire, England |
I totally agree with the OUCH factor in this poem....and unfortunately relate to it !!!!! I wonder if there will be a sequel? |
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