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Open Poetry #9
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August 18, 2000 A Date I'll Never Forget
| Open Poetry #9 |
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August 18, 2000 A Date I'll Never Forget |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA 
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This date I'll never forget............ What Do You Say When... he doesn't come home and later says he enjoys the comforting chat of other's preferred your feelings with, he has just toyed. For years now, he says his feelings have changed, lying he's done at his best. Sorry my dear, hate to tell you this night I want "us" to be put to "rest". Thirty years, and tonight, I find out He's finished, no loving for me. Well I should have known the cold in his eyes the ice in his voice, monotone. What do you say when you knew it may come but you hoped, your thoughts were wrong What do I do, how do I start 30 years, a lifetime of long. I'm not doing this well so this may have to do, and I think I have quota'd my writes But I'm in need of advice, never been through this yet Hate feeling I'm paying the price Of sticking it out, his drinking and all Having hoped, he'd see the light. If this was paper, instead of a screen Tear stain soaked, it would be tonight........... Sighing, cause now I have no more to say my head, it's pounding out thoughts. I guess I deserve the words of no love for it's my "lot in life" I have wrought.. * I have no idea what I am saying... and what do you say to one another when he's told you there's no tomorrow |
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BSC
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-02-04
Posts 2919New York, USA |
MMoonchild, Oh, how I could feel your heartache in this. I wish there was something I could say that would make it all ok for you, but I don't know what to say except...This is NOT your lot in life dear, and don't ever think you "deserve words of no love." Just remember that tomorrow is a new day, and though he may not change, YOU will be a little stronger and a little wiser...I wish you all the best. God Bless, Bonnie |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
Your writing was so heart felt... I'm so sorry. Sometimes lives take a drastic turn, that none of us ever hoped for. My prayers are with you. I hope you can find the peace you so deserve.  "The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." Eden Phillpotts *Cassandra Roseen* |
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Nikolette Sadness
since 2000-07-29
Posts 337port richey fl. |
mm...i am so very sorry...i don't even have the words to express the aching pain i'm feeling for you right now...my heart soars for you tonight... Nik i was once in love and happy...but you can call me Sadness. |
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Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Friend, I have been through this very thing, long term marriage and a dear friend now resides were once I sat, I can say that you need good friends, time and you need to write everything your mind and heart spits out just to help you, but by no means do I know everything there is to know about this time that you are going through, its different for each person, but I will promise to you I will keep you in my prayers and you can e-mail me anytime you want, I send love your way. Love, Cerenity "God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist. We have to be reminded that He exist!" (Writer Unknown) |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I can't give you answers. I can't tell you why. I can't say a single thing To help you not to cry. Whether it resolves itself Or whether it all ends Please know that there are shoulders here And count on us as friends. I'm sorry, mm. Your pain and sadness are overwhelming in this piece. but, if there is anything I know about the human spirit, I know that it is resiliant and things do work out for the best. I wish you well, mm.. |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
Nothing you can say... and I feel... nothing I can say. -jaimie www.ladysixstring.com |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
BSC Dawn Eclipse Nik Cerenity Balladeer -jaimie today is a new day..it just seems old to me...thank you all...I would usually reply to each individually, but my mind sort of isn't working right now..I will read a bit instead today of posting...to get it jumpstarted...hope it works thank you M |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Sweet MMoonchild, Damn, I'm so sorry that what is in your poem tells of your grief. Your softness always comes out in your poems, and also your talent. I am so very sorry for you. Keep your chin up, and let me see one of those soft smiles... Bill |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Oh love! What can I say, except what everyone else has said, but sorry for your pain! I can only offer what little comfort that I found and that, is tomorrow is a brand new day! It may be that you won't feel like putting your head out of the house. Still the world turns and you have so much talent that I know you'll find some solace in poetry! Warm hugs, soft smiles and all my support! |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
I feel your pain, MMoonchild. This kind of situation isn't easy, but you will find the strength to carry on. Take me as I am or watch me as I go |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Maureen...all I can do is echo the thoughts of the others. The pain you share is a hard one to face but face it you will and I have no doubt that in the end you will shine even brighter than before. Hugs. |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
It wasnt thirty years for me but it was still something of a shock to hear him say NO MORE. If you need a friend I am here. If I know nothing else I do know how to listen with a willing heart. I hurt for you...come talk to me. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
I've been thru this two times and it is hell..but like anything else you will work it out day by day...you will cry and grieve, you will be angry as hell, you will find strength and courage, you will feel every emotion, many of us have been thru this before and my heart reaches out to you... be strong and do what is right for you...James |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Im sorry,--so sorry M, your in my thoughts and prayers. you have a gift in your poetry.. let it help carry and heal you now... take care, jm |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Oh Maureen, what a hateful experience, and not fair at all, after sticking out with him a lot of bad behavior. I know there is little true comfort at these times, but email me if you would like to talk. And I will just say that he does not deserve someone as sweet and romantic as you, and it infuriates me when good people are treated like this. So tell him he's an idiot for me, will you? And write your heart out, and it will hurt a little less soon. I swear. Take care Sandra Words are things, and a small drop of ink, falling, like dew, upon a thought produces that which makes thousands, perhaps millions think. Lord Byron |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I am so sorry for your pain, Maureen...but maybe, just maybe there is a better life waiting for you. As sweet and lovely as you are, love will find you again. Hugs to you...I guess that's not much help...but I am so sorry. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Maureen--When a relationship dies, you mourn for it just like any other death...and only time can fill up the empty space. just remember when one door closes, another opens and much can be learned from heart ache. Your heart and feelings were well expressed in this poem...keep it up..it really deos help! |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
Maureen, I only know you through your poetry. What does it say about you. That you are not only beautiful (from your picture) but that your soul is beautiful also. Your words shine from the page and you give us all so much through everything you write. This one broke my heart. In March of this year, I lost someone I loved more than anyone in the world, and I cannot even call him on the phone, can't write, can't communicate, no contact, it hurts more than anything I can relate. It makes you feel lost. I found passions and it gave me compassion, hope, an outlet for creativity, laughter, love and caring. I pray that you also find that here and that you also find the peace that you need to see you through this. God bless you. Kathleen |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
Bill Marsha Tara mark Paula James Janet Sandra Serenity Martie Kathleen usually I would take the time to respond to each and everyone of you wonderful poets...but the mood of my poem lets you know what I am dealing with..and at the moment my mind is swirling with too many thoughts to be able to do so individually..I have read each comment and send you a hug apiece...I know some are saying they have been through this and that I will be strong and survive...but for some reason at this moment it still doesn't seem to take the edge of sadness and loss and terror that I feel in what may be ahead for me...I was speaking to someone..wondering if there is a Dummies Book For Divorce...no joke..I bet there is somewhere.... see..I can still ~~smile softly Maureen [This message has been edited by MMoonchild (edited 08-20-2000).] |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Pour out your heart into your poetry. I know it's a difficult time, but if you get up early in the morning and write the first thing that comes to your mind, it will release a little of the pressure and may turn out to be some of your best work. I am sorry that you are going through hard times. They will come to an end in time Take care Liz |
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linda munday Member
since 2000-06-17
Posts 315Adelaide, Australia |
Gosh, Empathy is just oozing from me at the moment. Your situation sounds exactly like that of my parents, even the time span involved. I wish you all the best, and also want to tell you that my mum is very happily married to someone wonderful now and she should have left years before she did. I know I can't say anything to help much, but Please Know That You're Not Alone. Email me if you need, but I know you have lots of offers for that too. CHIN UP AS BEST YOU CAN. Linda M. |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Maureen we've had this talk before so I know it's been going on a long time. I gave you the web site for the Health Recovery Center with a two fold purpose and that was to inform you as much as try and help him. The reason he is rejecting a thirty year long marriage is because he really is ill and he's not going to get over it quickly. My step father was drinking 80 onces of hard liquor every day of life during the last years before he quit. He got so sick that his blood pressure went up to 250 over 143 that's when the doctor told him to stop or die...he did'nt stop...a month later he took a shotgun to bed with him....he did'nt end it all because the gun malfunctioned, or so he says. He became so sick that he would vomit every morning so he could get back to drinking. He finally ran his half ton truck off the road and spent a month in the hospital but, that was a month without drinking which he had'nt experienced in thirty years. The withdrawl almost killed him but he made it through and he found time to think...beyond this horrible disease...and reflect on the horror he had created...and realize that if he went back to it he would surely die...and realize that he never ever would be cured of this disease but that he would have to learn to abstain from drinking if he wanted to live. He was 56 when he stopped and he is 76 today....during the past twenty years he has really lived the good life and he can tell you to this very day that if he does'nt fellowship with abstainers like himself there's a chance he could go back to drinking because that urge is always there...you never remember the bad parts of the drinking days you only remember the fun and that is as dangerous as the disease stays if you suffer from alcoholism. There has been so much research done on the disease that it is so important to study up on it and realize that the causes may be different than you think. The American Medical Association has admitted (forty years ago but done nothing about it) that alcoholism is a physiological disease not a mental disorder resulting from dysfunctional social situations. The alcoholics ability to process alcohol is different than the normal persons. The same as a diabetics blood sugar is different than the normal persons. Last time I got into the technical reasons but I will spare you that this time.. I only write thses comments so that you know what you are dealing with... and to also hope that you'll understand from all this that you are in no way subject to blame for this separation...loyal wives many times tend to blame themselves for such things and carry terrible feeling of guilt...but you should never worry about such a thing my dear sweet lovable Maureen...because this is not your fault....I know you could scare us all with some horror stories that have happened over the last few years of your husbands alcoholism...but it is not your fault.. circumstances have made me quite a student on this subject, I know you are so hurt that it's eating you up inside for that I am terribly sorry....but know this, we love you here and we know from reading your soft beautiful words of kindness that you are a wonderful person......take care.. ethome.. PS for the titles to any literature on this subject please feel free to email me.. |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
E. I usually would mind discussing this totally in the open but if it helps others fine..I couldn't convince him of anything...(of course) and I made many mistakes (like dragging him out of the bars when I needed him) and I am numb now to the feelings today as when someone you have been with and loved for over 30 years can stare you in the face... and with cold eyes and monotone voice say he hasn't loved you for the last five years...well that has a certain effect on you like... why wait until now..and he says because he didn't want to hurt me..yet wasted 5 years of my life not knowing, pretending and only the last two, me being so lonely...and now says he wants to be able to work and have fun for the rest of his life...fun meaning sitting in a bar with the people who are like himself...I tried alanon..didn't give it more than a visit as I saw sad persons willing to put up with their spouses addictions for 15 years or more and go to meetings 2 and 3 times a week..this may sound harsh..but that sounded like I was the one being punished for something I couldnt control..so maybe he is feeling guilty and wants to free me from watching and dealing with him...whatever the reason, I just wish I had known 5 years ago...instead of trying to decide what was wrong with me that I wasn't worth looking at or touching... sorry...no tears, no anger, just sighing with sadness..over something I can't get back nor make up in lost years... M |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
Liz and LInda thank you both for your comments and concern ~~soft hugs Maureen |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Maureen thank you for the reply I did'nt really intend to open this in any way to embarrass you I was just trying to help. I guess I get too passionate about things and I tend to blurt out how I feel. Hope you'll forgive me for that, it just came out. Believe me, in my mind you're worth more than a million of his friends! |
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JnR4eva Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 377Bronx, NY |
I have just read this poem and tragic it is and the more it hurts to know that this is a reality. I can agree with you when you say "What do you say" for in my situation I am left to wonder and stare blanklessly into the space between me and my monitor when my love has said things that just, that just are so hurtful. I know that my situation isn't anywhere near what you are feeling, but I just wanted to let you know that you certainly aren't out here alone with these feelings. I wish the best for you and your family. Stay strong and always remember that our creator will never give you more than what you can handle. "my love is my motivation my love is my inspiration perception of this poem is your interpretation" -- me |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
JnR4eva thank you for you nice response..and yes I believe that you never are given more then you can handle I just would have liked to have spread it over the 30 years and not over the last 2...but who knows maybe it will turn out for the best...for someone anyway ~~softly Maureen and there is a bit of relief in knowing I won't have to feel upset all the time or be in total control of my emotions [This message has been edited by MMoonchild (edited 08-22-2000).] |
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Trew Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Ottawa, Canada |
MM, I am so very sorry... It sounds so hollow and of little solice, I know, but the greatest healer is time. Not a moment of your life has been wasted, if you learn from what you live through. The pain will recede, the shock will fade and your feet will find the ground again. Until that happens, be true to yourself. Cry when you are sad, scream when you are angry and laugh when the world sticks out it's tongue. It's a hell of a walk, but you'll make it to the other side. Trevor. |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
Trew thank you, I should be able to heed the advice that I couldnt't take this year as I was in denial too...didn't want to believe that these years would soon have to be put aside.. ~~soft smiles Maureen |
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susanbartee Member
since 2000-08-15
Posts 119Channelview, TX USA |
MMoonchild, my heart truly aches for you. My husband left me about 9 months ago and my whole world was devastated. I didn't think I could go on and cried almost nonstop for the first 4 months. I had never felt such pain. I know there are no words that can help, but time does heal wounds; yet, we still never really get over a lost love. |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
Maureen, I've just found your post and wanted to say how sorry I am... As I read I felt a sadness catching hold of my heart... If only wishes could change things... I wish you well, always... allan |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
I know it doesn't seem like it now, and this smacks totally of a cliche, but it will improve. I've recently gone through something similar and the only advice I have is to get out there and meet people, and do consider group therapy. It's like going through a death with all the related stages of fear, anger, depression, it can be very traumatic. Remember the ones who love you, put the past quickly behind and move forward once you've allowed yourself to grieve. Writing it out helps, too, I've found. Somewhere there is someone who will love you without all the baggage this person seems to have brought with him. Peace. Corinne |
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MMoonchild Senior Member
since 2000-07-13
Posts 1715PA |
susan...I am sorry that you had to go through this also..it's the ups and downs that are getting to me..I would rather he just not care then keep changing his words and mind about things...to say one minute he doesn't love you and the next he does causes a confusion...bruises my mind even more ~~soft sighs Maureen allan...I have been wishing for a very long time..I almost don't believe in wishes anymore and sometimes it's even hard to hold onto hope ~~soft thanks MM Corinne ...thank you for your kind words of support I know it's a big loss..but until he's really gone I can't even feel much yet either way... ~~soft smile Maureen |
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Jenn E Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 589Kelowna, BC, Canada |
I also can only echo all that has been said in here. I know this for certain you are a loving beautiful woman...through your words I can see......You deserve in return all you have to give. I will quote someone, who I am not sure.... Maybe god wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet that right person we will know how to be grateful for that gift. When a door of hapiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched our lives. Good and bad. It's true that we don't know what we have until we loose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we have been missing untill it arrives. I read these in times of struggle. I hope they help some. Take Care of YOU, please. Warm smiles Jenn E |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
mine was after 7 years...let me tell you something and I hope you hear it sweetheart... Move on, get up and move on to your life, it awaits you now! Forget this date. Freedom is wonderful. You are a very attractive woman. You are YOU, not "us". God brought you here alone and He's going to make you leave alone. Get to know YOU again! It's the best feeling in the world! |
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