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Open Poetry #9
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2000-08-17 05:03 PM


I don't know anything anymore.
But I know the sound of a slammed door.
A fool to knock my fingers sore,
and feel the slap and beg for more.
There must be something sick in me,
to make me stand here helplessly,
for glimpse of possibility---
I saw in you what you could be.

And even though your heart beats cold,
I'll sing for you, a song of gold.

© Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
1 posted 2000-08-17 05:08 PM


Hey Serenity this has some powerful lines and such a independent but beautiful rebuttal...very well done!
Aw the passion of my Louisana Acadian friend write on mon cherie!

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
2 posted 2000-08-17 05:28 PM


Damn you ethome, you summed up my exact feelings about the poem, I will just add a very deserving EXCELLENT.

"Beyond all this good is the terror,The grip of a mercenary hand,When savagery turns all good reason, There's no turning back, no last stand,"I.Curtis

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2000-08-17 05:35 PM


what am I gonna do with my baby girl...
not a fool me twin...
a poet ..an AWESOME POET ...
who wrote this kick butt lil ditty..
SY-guy better watch out Sen's coming up fast on his grace of rhyme and last to line impact.
very cool me sweet ...VERY
*kisskiss*
me

Knight Dreams
Junior Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 46
Austin, Texas
4 posted 2000-08-17 06:51 PM


You have shown well what love of another can do.  Simple and direct.  Very good
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
5 posted 2000-08-17 06:56 PM


Starting to show that inner strength fighting back....and it looks as if you are going to win.  Wonderful verse full of power and conviction.
ggrn3
Member
since 2000-08-17
Posts 433
Nahunta Georgia U.S.
6 posted 2000-08-17 07:14 PM


Serenity

I don't know how to say it, but this is a great piece.  Although this may not be what you were writing about, I picture an abusive relationship with the abused having such strong love for the abuser, that she believes that this will conquer all.  The way you penned this will make people think if they hang onto every word as I did.

Again, great work.

Garfield

ddgoose
Member
since 2000-07-25
Posts 250
Baltimore, MD, USA
7 posted 2000-08-17 08:42 PM


Serenity

I agree with Garfield.  You certainly captured all of the emotions in a few lines.

didi

SpitFire
Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396

8 posted 2000-08-17 08:49 PM


~Serenity,...ggrrr. You are making me feel your words writing like this. Powerful. Awesome. You certainly can capture a feeling and splash it on us well. You can read THIS one. Hee. Sending sunshine. *Peace.
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

9 posted 2000-08-17 11:41 PM


Thank you one and all....for tolerating me temper tantrums...and Marge, I swear I'm working on the attitude thing....I love you all....my humble grats, once again...
spiked
Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873
Hammond, La USA
10 posted 2000-08-18 01:40 AM


Wonderful poem Serenity
This was written far too close to the heart
(((Hugs))) Rich

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