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Open Poetry #9
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Descent into Madness
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Descent into Madness |
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Silkdragon Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 65 |
In darkness echoes. Shrouded in mists of tomorrow's uncertainty And yesterday's torment. Spirit Torn in blindness. Groping for reality, struggling to deny The emptiness arising. Fear Takes wing within. The terror of losing one's self to the night to Become what you are not. Rage Against the madness. Fighting the corruption of the mind And the destruction of the spirit. Break Beneath the agony. Cease the struggle to remain And surrender to the silence. Fade Into the stillness. Submitting to the call of emptiness To become what you are not. I would greatly appreciate any critical feedback. Thanks. ^_^ [This message has been edited by Silkdragon (edited 08-17-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Erin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
Great poem, I love your style and writing here... I thought this flowed well and was very good! I enjoyed it much. Abrahm Simons "Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I'll leave the critiques to those that know the ins and outs of the form. I read with my heart and this touched me..vivid and almost angry! I like it.  |
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Mike Member Elite
since 1999-06-19
Posts 2462 |
Not a critic by any means, but I really enjoyed your poem. I almost didn't read because of the title... but I am certainly glad I did. A pleasant surprise. |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
"Fear Takes wing within. The terror of losing one's self to the night to Become what you are not." -- I really really loved that verse Erin. Very dark and like deVine said, almost angry. Powerful words, I enjoyed greatly and didn't see anything that I thought needed changing! Again, great work!  *Krista Knutson* "You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." -Barbara DeAngelis |
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JnR4eva Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 377Bronx, NY |
WOW what a poem you have here..i loved the way you have selected one word to start each stanza with and then described or told of what that word endures or entails as the result...you have done a wonderful job with this one..I like this a lot hope to read more soon nice title too "my love is my motivation my love is my inspiration perception of this poem is your interpretation" -- me |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
silkdragon: all I can say is I've been there, done that...but couldn't describe it quite as well as you |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Let me just say that once you've finished the drop into maddness, you wont be lonely... I've been here a long time!  And I would suggest Critical Analysis if you'd like a critique! |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
That was wonderful Erin! I can't believe I almost missed this one! The decent into maddness was powerful. Wonderfully done. "The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper." Eden Phillpotts *Cassandra Roseen* |
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Silkdragon Member
since 2000-06-24
Posts 65 |
Everyone, thanks so much for replying! I'm pretty new to poetry, and it helps to know I'm not completely inept. LOL. Most or my inspiration lies with prose. Abe, glad you enjoyed it, and thought the style was okay. DeVine, thanks for responding! I'm glad I got the sense of anger and helplessness across. Mike, thanks for taking the time to read it, despite the title. JnR4eva, I'm glad you liked the one word to start each verse, i wasn't sure how well that worked. Krista, thanks for your support. You're so much better than I am I believe I can count on what you say. LOL Passing shadows, thank you much. Christopher, LOL, thanks for the suggestion. I'm just trying to get up the nerve to have my poetry visciously torn apart. LOL. Cassie, thanks so much! I'm glad you read it. Erin |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
I'm not qualified to make suggestions but I can tell you that I really enjoyed this... nothing stood out as bothersome, wierd, or out of place. I especially like... "Submitting to the call of emptiness To become what you are not." -jaimie www.ladysixstring.com |
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