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Open Poetry #9
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Iced Memory
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Iced Memory |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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A ringlett, white-- a puff of need, on my finger, so decreed... swollen hope of love gone dry... remains of scar, a promise, pried... of course I'd give it back to you... it shone too bright, of promise, new... this lovely stone, you chose for me... I give it back--iced memory... too cold a stone for me to keep... I trade it for one prism's weep... a bow of rain, to tie my hair, forever, find you ever, there... and in one meeting of our eyes, drop the guard of compromise, smolder, hold you, dance in air... I loved you. And you did not care. |
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| © Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunnyone Member Ascendant
since 2000-07-06
Posts 5334Staffordshire, England |
serenity.... This is sadly beautiful. It speaks of loss, and the hurt that goes along with losing your heart's desire. Wonderful writing, my friend! Today is a gift.... That is why they call it 'the Present'! |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Oh, Serenity~ How can something so beautiful ... be so beautifully sad ? You write your heart too well, my friend. So many lines here that just reach out and grab the reader ... 'I give it back--iced memory...' 'I loved you. And you did not care.' Don't know what to say .... except, I care. ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
serenity, you've employed shades of subtle bitterness and beauty to produce a fine poem. Your endline makes such an impact...just wonderful. ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
I give it back--iced memory... too cold a stone for me to keep... I trade it for one prism's weep... a bow of rain, to tie my hair, .. .. I loved you. And you did not care. ------ So sad, I am moved almost to tears here.... (its only that I donot cry easily anymore... something related to the tears drying up) serene one... tare care, and regards, sudhir |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
*Applauding* WOW, this poem packs a punch and rightly so. You've done an excellent job writing this and it's perfect in every way from its rhythm and rhyme to its presentation. I do hope your writing in this one pleases you as its wonderfully done  |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thanks to all, most especially you, Mom... I am just so lucky to have found a friend in you...Thank you much with a great big HUG... |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Wow Serenity powerful poem. Stunning piece, It sent shivers down my spine. "Beyond all this good is the terror,The grip of a mercenary hand,When savagery turns all good reason, There's no turning back, no last stand,"I.Curtis |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
speechless. Wonderful poem Rich |
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850In the space between moments |
Very very powerful...a hint of bitterness, but the strenth of the person being left behind shows through...wonderful work! *Krista Knutson* "You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." -Barbara DeAngelis |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
I loved the flow of emotions, the rhyme scheme, and the rhythm to this sad and powerful piece. Great job! Nathan |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
If not for your friends and your wonderful writing ... how would you endure ... you write with a sadness I hope to never experience again ... Once was enough |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Wow serenity, this is sadly beautiful, especially loved this ..... give it back--iced memory too cold a stone for me to keep... I trade it for one prism's weep... Loved it all |
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T McCoy Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 186 |
ahh geez serenity this is sad... wonderfully written of course; how do i send you a hug? Tony |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
brian--brrrr--I much prefer quivers to shivers, will have to see what I can do for you...smiles and hugs to me Irish bud! Rich---thanks "doll" Krista--thanks for the lovely compliment, as alwye? grins.... Rex----Don't you worry about a thing...I am the happiest most miserable person I know, and in spite of it all--LIFE IS GOOD... Dark Angel--thanks me birthday, bud! Tony----aw....it's like this((((Tony)))) and thanks me friend.... My gratitude to all, I'm off to play now... |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
serenity, This is so touching...so sad and yet so beautiful. Nicely said. Michael |
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Saunni Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777West Virginia |
Oh, I agree, so wonderfully beautiful and so sad also. I've been there, I have, just never found the words like you did. Awesome title! Sauni Sauni :) Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps |
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CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
Serenity... The strength beneath these words you wrote yet touched by the beautiful expression in verse... How did I ever miss this one I must learn 2 pay better attention... Dani |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Wow....once again you pen your pain and sadness in beautiful perfection. Your style and the words you chose to send your messages out to the world are unique and lovely and they allow us to feel your sorrow all to well. Keep on smiling and look at the humor in all the ridiculous crap in life and you will be just fine. NO doubt. |
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angelswing Senior Member
since 2000-02-10
Posts 705United Kingdom |
In it's cool and sweet embrace, Around my fingure tied, Just serves to sit, And remind me when, You loved and lived and lied . You caused me such bitterness, And even now you still entrap, My gem within your gold, It sits upon my fingures edge, So hard and strong and bold . A truly inspiring piece which I couldn't help but right back on the same theme, I realy enjoyed reading it Thanks a lot . L.of.L. Tom . Don't try, do or do not, there is no try . - Master Yoda - |
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