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Open Poetry #9
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2000-08-13 02:10 AM


"Hi, baby..."
(God, I love his voice...)

smooth and sweet,
warm brandy,
comforting,
from head to feet...
filling me
with newborn's need
to break in sweat of pure relief...
so glad that he can't see me weep.

"Hey."  I say.
(I hate my voice...)

so off-key,
not like me,
a tremble
of transparency...
killing me
to hide my need,
breaking bread for faithless feed...
I wish that he would see me weep.

© Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Effigy
Member
since 2000-04-11
Posts 486
disbelief
1 posted 2000-08-13 02:14 AM


Very nice. I can feel your pain. It's so hard to b play cool when you need something so badly. Sometimes we have to let people see
us especialy the people that matter.

Nikolette Sadness
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 337
port richey fl.
2 posted 2000-08-13 02:17 AM


i like this verrrrrrrrry verrrrrrry much...yet in my experience you should never let him see you cry...
Nik

i was once in love and happy...but you can call me Sadness.

redheart angrybraids
Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 410
honolulu, hawaii
3 posted 2000-08-13 02:35 AM


and ain't it always those red wings
that grab you
and remind you of when you were free
-and here,
and alawys the essence of it all
fallows  hands griped in each,
as it goes,
and yes even the smell grabs me, and i always fall ill in the end though, what pleasures are momentary,
i will love
and adore
threw all the cluster,
and if this is all just poetry after a few drinks,
then i am definatly in,
the round, and merry way,
ah playing,
always the ground brown or green like sea spread deep in front of me,
thank you kindly lady
sorry serenity for spilling all over your pages, though every word is truly heard in this waking hour,


Kindly,
Redheart Angrybraids

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

4 posted 2000-08-13 02:42 AM


Effigy...advice under consideration, lol...
         that one is hard for me, tho...

Nik......you are another voice of my soul...
         thank you for reading...and I am
         trying to break down the walls...
         y'see...I've discovered that what
         keeps out fears, also keeps in "Me."
         and "me" wants out...

Redheart...Spill, spill, spill, each of your
         replies tonite is a poem in itself.
         I love ya dearly, but you should be
         writing right now...Hug YOU.

Paula Finn
Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
5 posted 2000-08-13 02:49 AM


The need just explodes off of this
CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

6 posted 2000-08-13 02:52 AM


"Filling me with newborn need to break in sweat of pure relief"....

Dearest Serenity, hugz to you this poem captures hearts of those who read

Ciao
=) Coco =)

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
7 posted 2000-08-13 04:04 AM


so off-key,
not like me,
a tremble
of transparency...
killing me
to hide my need,
breaking bread for faithless feed...
I wish that he would see me weep.

Hey girl....come out and join the world....we will make sure you are treated tenderly.  This is a awesome creation.  Your yearning for release is evident in this and you have given us a true peek inside behind all those walls.  well done.

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
8 posted 2000-08-13 04:28 AM


This is an emotion packed verse, but so beautifully written. It pulls at heartstrings in a familiar way.
very well done
Liz

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

9 posted 2000-08-13 10:37 AM


ooooh me twin..you ache in this ..
every line..
and I feel it..you ...

"smooth and sweet,
warm brandy,
comforting,
from head to feet...
filling me
with newborn's need
to break in sweat of pure relief...
so glad that he can't see me weep.
==================
so off-key,
not like me,
a tremble
of transparency...
killing me
to hide my need,
breaking bread for faithless feed...
I wish that he would see me weep.
===================
only you could have written those amazing lines..
*blowing kisses to the south*
me


passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2000-08-13 10:47 AM


serenity: I liked this, very emotional, I know about hiding feelings all to well. I thank you for posting.
Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
11 posted 2000-08-13 10:51 AM


Serenity~

'a tremble
of transparency...'


*Hugs*
~*Marge*~



~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
12 posted 2000-08-13 11:45 AM


to show or not to show
that is the question
whether 'tis better to let your heart be seen by one that you need
or to hide it and not appear as such
to hide
to sleep
to sleep alone. . .
this is the battle that rages on in the heart and in the mind. . .

serenity,
         you know sometimes, we can see right through you. . .

wonderful. . .

--------------------------------------------------------

That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
13 posted 2000-08-13 11:55 AM


Serenity, I am sure your voice is heavenly, mine however when I try to raise it...oh...proof that God has a sense of humour. What ever your voice sounds like your poetic voice is perfect. On key as always.

"Beyond all this good is the terror,The grip of a mercenary hand,When savagery turns all good reason, There's no turning back, no last stand,"I.Curtis

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

14 posted 2000-08-13 01:43 PM


Each of you is so dear to me---every reply feels like a hug--I thank you much, and I'm very grateful...Love to all.
jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
15 posted 2000-08-13 02:46 PM


The only way I'd (maybe) like this better, is if I had written it.  But then I'd read it differently too, probably, and it wouldn't  mean as much. *applause* my friend.

jwesley

Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
16 posted 2000-08-14 01:13 AM


serenity, emotionally beautiful. I'm sure it will touch many who read it.

When the heart puts pen in hand, we know that we are human.

Parker

Jenn E
Senior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 589
Kelowna, BC, Canada
17 posted 2000-08-14 01:49 AM


I loooooooved this!!!!! OK, not a very original comment (lol) but it is so very true! How you explain his voice and what it does, and then your voice, which I am sure is beautiful also, so filled with emotions. If ever you reveal your all, I know it will be loved by all who have the pleasure to see it. If ever you come across someone who you "reveal" to and they don't see, know it is not you. I have found that it is in fact them with the blindness and we, for giving, see all the clearer. Take Care
Jenn E

wayoutwalt
Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870
TEXAS (it's all big)
18 posted 2000-08-14 01:50 AM


seren seren i love this seren o yuh! your mind is great thing to see on zee page
ThUnDeRkYsS
Senior Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 727
Wisconsin
19 posted 2000-08-14 01:59 AM


If I were him and somehow knew, I would want to be there to hold you and comfort you.  I've experienced this many times, and found that in those times... just having that someone there and seeing them care, or cry with you, or just hold you, brings your hearts closer than words ever could.  Just my feelings, but I would want to be there if I were him.    Very beautiful poem, very heartfelt.

Strive for higher levels, if they seem out of reach... Grow, and they will get closer.



serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

20 posted 2000-08-14 03:55 AM


j--thanks for the lovely comp...and right now, I wish you had written it too...lol

Parker--thank you, sweets, why do I get the feeling you know about this?

walt--I even love your replies...hugs.

Jenn--my gratitude for your caring reply...and I believe all prayers are answered, but in this case, the answer was "no."  So there, I did it again, lol...

Thunder--that was one of the warmest sweetest
replies ever, now stop that, I fall in love way too easily...smiles and thanks.

And thanks to everybody for the lovelies...
and we'll put me back together again, yet, eh?  THANK YOU...

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