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Open Poetry #9
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Blocked out...Or Too Young
| Open Poetry #9 |
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Blocked out...Or Too Young |
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Blondie Member
since 1999-08-06
Posts 307Ohio 
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"Blocked Out...Or Too Young?" don't remember why u left. Or what time of day. I don't remember anything, ...Dad, what happened on my 4th birthday? I dont remember last goodbyes or hugs or any embrace I dont remember feeling sad or tears running down my face I think i blocked it out,Dad.. and i think you know it too.. Daddy was it my fault? Daddy...what did i do? I dont remember that day, Dad, I dont remember it at all.. Dad, i just remember that long distance call. Why'd u move so far, Daddy? Was i not good enough? Did my sisters and i treat u bad? Daddy, was it us? Mom and you had your fights But i don't remember those. Daddy,all i remember, is when mommy went to work, i'd sit in her closet and smell the perfume on her clothes. I was so scared she'd leave me too maybe, and that i'd have no one.. Daddy, i missed u so much.. Did u not want me? Did u want a son? When you would visit,and take us places, to parks or to the beach, I would be so happy. But i'd miss mommy.. But when you took us home daddy, I'd sit and suck my thumb, For some comfort ..Daddy,does that make me dumb? "NO dont tear me outta the car! DADDY NO..I DONT WANNA GO...I WANNA STAY WITH YOU. My sisters can go home, but i dont wanna daddy!!!" Cried so hard, and when i got inside, I'd sit by the window, and hope you'd come back for me. Why didnt you come back daddy? I waited for so long.. They had to pull at me again, Daddy...did i do something wrong? I'm sitting at the computer dad, sucking my thumb again.. Trying to think what happened on my birthday dad, ...and when?? I'm looking at the picture daddy, when i turned 4. Dad, I don't remember when you walked out the door. I had a smile on my face, I seemed so overjoyed... Dad, tell me now, did you leave because of being annoyed... Dad, the kids at school say im weird...and dumb and annoying... Are they right? Dad, do i seem that way to you? I see you every so often, And now I'm ready to cry.... Dad...I want to know what happened.. did u say "i love you" before "goodbye"? I'll just ignore this picture, That was taken on that day... And why you chose to leave, On your baby girl's birthday |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
this is heartwrenching...the line about sitting in the closet smelling the perfume... its never the childs fault for a parents lack of character... I hope you came to understand it was his shortcomings and not yours as you got older and this poem is reflecting the pain left behind... and not an acceptance of guilt for what was never your fault.. Im sorry for your pain... I understand it in a different way... take care Jm There are places inside our souls - that have never been touched. There are places inside our hearts - that need to be loved this much. ~jm~ |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
I must agree with Janet. A child of four cannot "cause" an adult to leave...it wasn't your fault. I, too, am sorry for your hurting. Please do keep writing, as it can serve as a remarkably healing expression of creativity. Listen to what your heart wants to say...and let it. ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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Salooma Senior Member
since 2000-01-28
Posts 781 |
wow...this was so sad, must be an awful thing to go through something now after such a long time. this poem however was great, because you were able to take over the voice of a girl of 4 and that brought out the meaning to it. thanks for sharing this, hope u get through it... salooma |
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Auguste 
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
This touched me deeply. It's very well written and came straight from the heart. I hope to see you posting more often. Take care, Michael |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
This poem really reveals the pain that is still in your heart...I realize the pain must be very deep for you to still be hurting over this so many years later...we all would hurt as you if we lived thru the same experience...I can only hope that the healing has already begun in your life...Take care...James |
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Cutie Putootie Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 54Ohio |
This was very heart wrenching, and well-written. It made me cry, the line referring to smelling the mother's perfume on her clothes...a wonderful piece of work this is. Great job Blondie, and always remember it wasn't YOUR fault. |
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Blondie Member
since 1999-08-06
Posts 307Ohio |
Thank you guys, but sometimes things like this stays with someone and makes them feel like it's their fault. It's been a rough road but things are becoming more clear to me now that I know why he left, but it forever stays that ache in my heart not having them both in the same house with me. But my father did pass away 2 years ago, so my dream of them coming back together has vanished. |
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