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Open Poetry #9
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Jeffrey Carter
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State of constant confusion!

0 posted 2000-07-31 07:04 PM


As I read back over this the tears started all over again. This is by far the hardest poem I have ever written. And I must say it isn't my favorite, but it is very, very personal to me. I only hope that none of you have ever or will ever feel this pain.


How do I tell him?


I feel the touch
of his gentle hand
I can see the longing
in her eyes
This pain I'm feeling
was never planned
I never knew it could
hurt so much - Good-bye

I only planned
to stay one night
But that one night
turned into years
I can see his tiny
eyes getting wet
As I say good-bye
through my tears

Lord, why does life
have to be so complicated?
Why does he
have to know such pain?
Why does he
have to share our sadness?
Lord, please tell me
How do I explain?

We planned a life
of love and laughter
But lost it all
somewhere along the way
So, lord , won't you
please tell me
How do I tell him
Daddy's got to go away?

© Copyright 2000 Jeffrey D. Carter - All Rights Reserved
Gossamerwings
Member
since 2000-07-18
Posts 207

1 posted 2000-07-31 07:13 PM


I cried for you and your son, while reading this .I am very sorry that you have this pain and sadness, but children need to know that just because mommy and daddy are splitting it doesn't mean that they are splitting from the children or that they aren't loved. Children sort of blame themselves when parents split up. Hopefully you will be a loving, guiding influence in your sons life the whole time he is growing and learning.Children don't just need mommy!

Gossamerwings ;)

juliet_2u
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since 2000-07-23
Posts 1125
North Carolina
2 posted 2000-07-31 07:16 PM


Jeffery, I have no words to tell you how deeply this touched me. So so sad yet so beautiful. Best wishes to you, Juls
Jeffrey Carter
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3 posted 2000-07-31 07:17 PM


Gossemer.......I am definitely going to be a part of his life. It is very hard for me to be away from him. And I call him everyday to say I love him. Rather than getting too personal here I will leave it at that.

Thanks for the tears you shed for me btw  

Jeffrey Carter
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4 posted 2000-07-31 07:24 PM


Julz......you snuck in there on me

Thanks but no words needed just happy to get this off my chest (so to speak)

Lone Wolf
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since 2000-03-16
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Lansing, MI USA
5 posted 2000-07-31 07:40 PM


Jeffrey,

I know this one was very tough for you to write, but I am proud of you for posting it.  Just reading it brings tears to my eyes.  You are in my thoughts my friend.  I hope it all works out.  You have captured those emotions very well.  Nice writing.  **HUGS**

Jenn  


Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats

Marina
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since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario
6 posted 2000-07-31 08:57 PM


Jeffery, my heart goes out to you!  I know how difficult this must have been for you to write.  MSN can be a wonderful thing, my friend.  You know where I am.

Hugs,
Marina


It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen
Marina Crossley



Irish Rose
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since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

7 posted 2000-07-31 10:13 PM


write a poem for him. It's the most precious way to tell anyone anything and it comes from your heart.
God bless you.


Kathleen

Butterflies_dont_cry
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since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733
Michigan
8 posted 2000-07-31 10:25 PM


Jeffrey,
I can see why this would be the hardest of all your poems, anything that involves our children....((hugs)) to you, I know it hurts, but he will always know you love him no matter what~

Paula Finn
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since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
9 posted 2000-07-31 10:35 PM


You are one in a million Jeffrey, willing to stay in his life no matter what. I commend you and I know, truly I do, what you are going thru. I have two boys whose father cant be bothered. I'm here if you need a shoulder.

never say never

Jeffrey Carter
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10 posted 2000-08-01 12:04 PM


Jenn.....Thank you for always being there to listen to my problems......you truly are a friend......If you ever need anything  

Marina......Thank you for listening to me and let me cry on your screen yesterday, you'll never know how much that meant to me

Kathleen......He is only six so a poem might not say to him everything I want him to know.....so I'll just tell him everyday that I love him.....God bless you too

BDC......I am certainly going to make sure that he knows I love him....ALWAYS.....thanks for the kind words

Paula.....thank you.....i may just take you up on that offer......i don't think i am special.....i just love my kids   (2 boys 6 yr old and 1 1/2 yr old) that shouldn't make me special, just a loving father  

Thank you all again.....without this place and all of you, i don't know where i would turn........I truly owe all of you a debt i can only hope to one day repay.....love to you all  my friends  

Marina
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since 2000-02-10
Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario
11 posted 2000-08-01 01:23 AM


Our thing our screens work two ways, my friend.  I have leaned on yours more then once.    

A friend in need is a friend indeed......so they say!

Marina
< !signature-->

It is a blessing to have wings for words, and passion in pen
Marina Crossley




[This message has been edited by Marina (edited 08-01-2000).]

Rosebud1229
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since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813
North Carolina
12 posted 2000-08-01 01:34 AM


this also brought tears to my eyes, I'm sure your son knows how very much you love him. Just continue to be there for him afterall your his father and that will never change.

Marge Tindal
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13 posted 2000-08-01 01:51 AM


Jeffrey~
I hope this speaks volumes .......
HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS HUGS

Thinking of you ....
take care gentle daddy.
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Nikolette Sadness
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14 posted 2000-08-01 03:27 AM


i know your pain directly...i'll just say this...ppl say its hard to be an unwed teenage mother...but i wasn't given the chance to love my son...

Nik

i was once in love and happy...but you can call me Sadness.

T McCoy
Member
since 2000-07-24
Posts 186

15 posted 2000-08-01 04:36 AM


...i know EXACTLY how you feel...although I'm still with my wife, her and my two and half year old son moved back to florida in april...it's only goodbye til i get my green card but it damn sure sucks.

great writing and hats off to you!

            Tony


- time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go so make the best of this test and don't ask why it's not a question but a lesson learned in time

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
16 posted 2000-08-01 04:52 AM


So touching, and painful...

wonderfully expressed, you capture the issue well, my friend... one day you child will realise how caring a father you have been and that will be a rightful tribute to you...

regards, sudhir.

JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
17 posted 2000-08-01 05:10 AM


Jeffrey this reminds me of my situation when my wife divorced me and had custody of my three sons...it seems she fought me every inch of the way in the beginning to have visitation but later she relented...
All I can say is spend as much time as you can with your son...they want that time with you...if you can put the hurt and sadness aside especially when you are with your son it will help so much...take care...James

Eddie de Jong
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since 2000-07-31
Posts 27

18 posted 2000-08-01 02:44 PM


Jeffrey, I can feel your pain through your words. We are going through a difficult time right now, and realizing once again the pain we would cause if we split up makes me all the more determined to do all I can to stay together.
Eloise
Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096
Wyoming
19 posted 2000-08-01 02:49 PM


Jeffrey, I can see how hard this was for you to write and how special your son is to you. Best wishes.
JulieAnn
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since 2000-06-12
Posts 754
Earth 3rd Rock from the sun!!
20 posted 2000-08-02 03:15 PM


This was a very painful poem for me to read..I am currently goign through a divorce and have 2 small boys whom adore their Dad very much....He now lives overseas and I know he loves them very much....I hope all works out well for you but remember sometimes it is better for a child to see his parents getting along separated rather than just making it work together...just remeber to be a good example....a boy has a lot to learn from his father....weather you live with him full time or not..... It will all work out I am sure of it.....And  in the meantime keep up the excellent writing it is an excellent way to vent!!!  

Julie :)



Jeffrey Carter
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21 posted 2000-08-02 04:41 PM


I can see that many of you know what this is doing to me from personal experience....I am so very sorry that anyone must endure this pain even for a moment. I do love both my boys very much.

Thank you for all your support, it is greatly appreciated.

Love and hugs to you all,
Jeffrey

topnotch707
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since 2000-08-02
Posts 16
vallejo, cali, usa
22 posted 2000-08-02 05:48 PM


THIS POEM IS VERY MOVING. I CRIED WHEN I READ IT. MY SON IS IN A SITUATION WHERE HIS FATHER CHOSE NOT TO BE IN HIS LIFE AND I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE PAIN UNTIL MY SON IS OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE PAIN HIMSELF. IVE WRITTEN MANY POEMS TO MY SON AND I THINK ITS NICE TO SEE A FATHER HIMSELF WRITE SOMETHING TO HIS SON BECAUSE YOU DO NOT SEE ALOT OF IT. KEEP THE FAITH AND STAY STRONG.


TerryW
Senior Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 779
Louisville, Mississippi, USA
23 posted 2000-08-02 05:56 PM


Jeffrey~
     I can see why this may not be your favorite, but it has touched me in a deep way.  I never got to spend much time with my father when I was growing up, and we aren't really as close as I would like for us to be now, but I spent a great deal of my life with him not being around, or calling, or anything.  I admire you so much for calling your son every day.  He will admire you for the rest of his life, too.  And you have friends that will stand beside you all the way.

Love Ya~  

~you reached inside, you touched my heart,
and I am all the better for it~
Terry A. Woodson, Jr.

Meadowmuse
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since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263

24 posted 2000-08-02 06:02 PM


Jeffrey,
(((((you)))))

Claire

Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley
25 posted 2000-08-02 08:59 PM


This is terribly, terribly sad.
Jeffrey Carter
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26 posted 2000-08-04 03:28 AM


I want to say thank you to all of you for giving me your support. I could never thank you enough for everything you guys do for me.

A special thank you goes to ...

Lone Wolf...Thanks for everything Jenn

Marina.... Thanks for letting me cry once again

Paula.... Thanks for making me laugh when I needed it most

Butterflies_don't_cry...... I know you are there and I truly appreciate it

Again thank you to all of you, I have never had a better group of friends..... Keep smiling everyone  

The best and most beaytiful things in the world cannot be seen or touched...but are felt in the heart (Helen Keller)


tracie66
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since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
27 posted 2000-08-04 03:36 AM


HUGS Jeffrey
This is indeed a sad piece of poetry and a sad situation to be in...sorry is all I can say to you and I hope that everyone involved is getting through this.
Love Tracie~


Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe


Mark Bohannan
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since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
28 posted 2000-08-04 03:37 AM


There is no easy way but rest assured that the love will be there.  Wonderful write and packed to the gills with emotion.
sosweet82
Junior Member
since 2000-08-02
Posts 17
Phoenix, AZ
29 posted 2000-08-04 03:51 AM


I feel for you and your son. My mother and father got divorced when I was 11. It was hard for me. I still feel sad when I think about it and I'm now almost 18. The one thing that made the pain die down was that my father was there for me. And it sounds like you will be for your son. I wish you and Your son the best of luck in a happy life. Samantha  
ethome
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since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
30 posted 2000-08-04 03:56 AM


I can understand the difficulty in writing. Jeffery I feel for you ..that kind of a no win situation is so hard on the head. I share your pain with you and appreciate you sharing this reality with me.
Paula Finn
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since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546
missouri
31 posted 2000-08-10 12:12 PM


Jeff I am bringing this back for a friend to read
Artistic
Member
since 2000-08-09
Posts 107
Colorado/Rochester, NY
32 posted 2000-08-10 12:25 PM


Beautiful... I can tell you are a very caring father... I'm sure your children loves you very much and knows you return love.  Nicely done!

~Artistic~

JnR4eva
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since 2000-08-07
Posts 377
Bronx, NY
33 posted 2000-08-10 01:41 AM


What an amzing account of what you have endured, so poetic and sad....I hope life for you and your son will turn out for the better, despite the turn of events.  Good luck and stay strong.
Jeffrey Carter
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34 posted 2000-08-10 10:58 PM


You guys will never know what you all mean to me. I truly value the friends i have made here. I could never repay you all for the help you have given me,
Jeffrey Carter
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35 posted 2000-09-18 06:47 AM


Sorry for bumping this all the way back to the top, but I wanted to thank you all once again for being there when i needed you most. I could never repay many of you for the long nights of letting me cry on your shoulders. I will never forget that. You mean so much to this broken heart of mine. Those of you know who you are so I won't mention any names (mostly for fear of leaving someone out).

This is by far the most trying time of my life to this point. It isn't easy to walk away from them on Saturdays, I know it never will be. I love and miss them both more than I can convey in such little things as words.

Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you to all of you once again. I love you all my friends.

All my love,
Jeffrey

[This message has been edited by Jeffrey Carter (edited 09-18-2000).]

hoot_owl_rn
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since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
36 posted 2000-09-18 09:08 AM


*offers up a hand of friendship* Thanks so for sharing something so personal Jeffery.
Gemini
Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203
Wisconsin, USA
37 posted 2000-09-19 01:38 PM


Jeffery-Gods Speed, as difficult as this is, I know your son will know that you will still be there for him and in time this will be a greater gift.  If the option was to stay and have your son be hurting from seeing parents who didn't care for each other, then this is best for all of you and you have my respect for doing the right thing. Hugs to you.  Your words were very poignant.
Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
38 posted 2000-09-19 02:07 PM


JC, sometimes I'm known for saying the wrong thing at the right time...believe it or not, down the road you will cherish this piece, and I hope it will be because your son found it and saw the love and the hope that you had for him at a time when your heart was nothing but pain.

You, Sir, took the high road, and I commend you for it.

Karilea
When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ


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