»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #9
»
Last Call (From the darker side of AS)
| Open Poetry #9 |
|
Last Call (From the darker side of AS) |
|
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
She was for sale As were all things At the corner of Lou's Loans. She'd worked others But somehow something always brought her back. Age was waging its war With scattered scars marking her skin But the curves still called While strobing red screaming neon nightlights Painted a rosy blush That feigned a more youthful polish. Suitors? Sure, she'd known her share. Some good Most bad Only one worth considering. Her first. But that was long ago A lover's lost touch in time An echoed memory heard only in those who'd come afterwards. And now she was faced with yet another In a long line of hopeful but failed masters. This one would be no different. This one was old. To old. Old enough to know better But his paper was green And who was she to say "No". Everything on Lou's corner has its price. Times it was right there Others in a dark ally Or subway. Tonight favored a fallen down second floor flop. The room's singular distinction resting in a gold plated watch Fifty years in the making Keeping time next to a black and white flame Held by silver frame Long since lost to the hour. Everything else was a gray wash. It wouldn't be long. Nicotine stained fingers beating a ceaseless staccato And two bags of broken glass at every breath said as much. No… Not long at all. But he showed no interest in exploring his purchase. Though upon the bed she lay Black leather suit stripped He made no play. So she waited. Waited through whisky-tea Smoking fags Coughing jags The rinse of red rags. Waited Silently still. Waited till Reaching out With tentative touch An amateur's clutch? Virginity's first? Too late for that thirst. A surprisingly firm hand found her key Then knowing lips the source. And from a long locked heart Sprang a soul set free To soar in true unity. For it was he The one of the many The one that mattered. The one that set her soul to sing Her first And how her heart desired Her last As they made the love of the lost now found In late night hours that turn to morn. Two becoming one With the coming sun Neither wishing it to end. Each knowing the truth. Not long at all. Morning found her alone Cradled in the crook of his arm. Pale lips dyed in broken glass Fitful fingers forever still. Golden time keeping watch Till the lord came to call for past rent due. Payment came from Lou. Silver frame Gold watch And she The three The sum value of his life paid out Now standing vigil on the corner Awaiting the next hopeful buyer But she knowing There never will be another To match her soul. Try as they might He died that night. Everything has its price at Lou's. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Andrew Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Andrew, Kept my interest to the end, which doesn't happen to often in a long poem. Good work |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Sir Tabin... Thank you for reading through. I was concerned about the length myself and whether this would turn people off. That somebody of your valued opinion found no such detraction puts my mind at ease. Again, thank you for your time and response. Peace! |
||
|
beowulf_26 Member
since 1999-06-29
Posts 183 |
fear not. This poem keeps interest throughout which as ST said is rather difficult in the long poem. I think your subject matter and short lines helped keep the poem moving swiftly. Unrequited love sucks. |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Thanks Beowulf... I'm curious to know what you think the subject matter is about. Any guesses? |
||
|
Tess Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 288Australia |
Hmmm well let me have a guess.....she's a prostitute, had one true love, even has his pic in a frame, he turns up, she didnt realize it was him at first, they share a night of bliss, he dies. (this is the shortened version)  Interesting story..thanks for the read!"Life is like music; it must be composed by ear, feeling, and instinct, not by rule."~ Samuel Butler ~ |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Tess... thanks for looking in... I've e-mailed you something of a clue to the true answer. Read a little deeper folks. |
||
|
Tess Member
since 2000-03-22
Posts 288Australia |
ok took another guess..emailed it to you...dont laugh at it tho! (2am here and l cant think very well)..my excuse and lm sticking to it! "Life is like music; it must be composed by ear, feeling, and instinct, not by rule."~ Samuel Butler ~ |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Hey Tess... got your mail and got your guess... and nope! that ain't it either. Thanks for playing... you've got one more try. Anybody else? |
||
|
Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Drew , Long time no talky , I'll take a stab .An old musician , and possibly a sax .Oh ... and they would definitely wail the blues . Doc |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
My man the Moose is in the grooooove! Bingo my brother. You win a cigar! Thanks for checking in... I hope it weren't to obvious? Peace! |
||
|
courtney923 Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 43 |
Greatly descriptive and I loved it! |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Why thank you Courtney... much appreciated. |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Shamelessly throwing it back to the top for one last try. |
||
|
Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
No, it "weren't too obvious" at all...in fact it was delightfully metaphorical, without being impossible. Captivating, to my way of thinking. Thanks ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Well hey there Clair... those where some kind words. Thanks much for the read and response. Peace to you and yours. |
||
|
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Amazing piece of writing, Andrew! So good to see you again! Denise |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Andrew, you sly dog! Been roaming 'round Bourbon Street again, have you? This was exceptional... love moraled endings! Karilea When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Lady D... thank my dear... its good to be seen by one such as you. Hope you and your's are doing well. Sunshine... My friend asked what prompted me to write this? I work at a jazz radio station and I had been stairing at a picture of an old musician and his sax... and I thought... what can I write about this? Thanks for looking in... Peace! |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I heard the music, Andrew...and saw the scene... wonderfully depicted...makes one cry! |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Now THIS is PoetryAndrew... I am soooooo glad to see you back and this piece is better than fabulous... it ROCKS!!! It's the kind of poetry I'm always looking for.... i have quoted only a few of what i consider lines which will stand the test of time.... fabulous writing, my friend!!!! If I quoted all the best lines, i would have had to just copy and paste the entire poem.... VERY well done.... *APPLAUSE* "Everything on Lou's corner has its price." "Keeping time next to a black and white flame Held by silver frame" "Everything else was a gray wash." "Nicotine stained fingers beating a ceaseless staccato And two bags of broken glass at every breath said as much." "Too late for that thirst." "Morning found her alone Cradled in the crook of his arm. Pale lips dyed in broken glass Fitful fingers forever still. Golden time keeping watch Till the lord came to call for past rent due." "The sum value of his life paid out Now standing vigil on the corner Awaiting the next hopeful buyer But she knowing There never will be another To match her soul." [This message has been edited by doreen peri (edited 08-04-2000).] |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Wow!! Scott...this was terrific! Great writing...I want more! |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Andrew~ Sax to the MAX ! What a wonder is this piece - so beautifully played. Thrice read - I yearn for more. Never too long is the song - that holds a memory. I liked it that much ! ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
A poem that tells a story and does so in such a captivating way deserves another bump to the top. Andrew this is wonderful! I never guessed what it was about till the Moose joined in!  |
||
|
Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Ladies! Thank you one and all for such wonderful comments… Sunshine… I meant to be sad… glad I achieved the goal. Thanks again. Lady Peri… What can I say to that! Thank you isn't enough. I will tell you that it is your free style, more than any others that has prompted me to attempt this form. Consider yourself a catalyst… the highest compliment I can offer. Peace! Lady Martie… More? Hmmmm… it took me two weeks, off and on to write this one using an idea I had floating around my head for about a month. More? I'll see what I can do but I think the brain cells are fried. Thank you though.  Marge… "Never too long is the song - that holds the memory." Perfectly said Marge… thanks for that bit of perfect poetry. Lady deVine… Kindness as always… really? You never guessed? Thanks… that means I did something right. Once more... thank you all. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
