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Open Poetry #9
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Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

0 posted 2000-07-31 07:54 AM


Rewrite

      Impudence

Walks across my chest
In a safari of one.
Under and over follicles
A black forest run.
He has opened the lid
Of a giant eye
Caused thunder to echo
And sound to fly
Bounced boomers
Off the bedroom walls
Small wonder has caused
A mountain to bawl.
What in hell crawls my chest
What minuscule knight in quest.
Dares wake this giant
What miniature defiant?
What ill fated blunder
Do I ponder?
That life and death
Should drive my breath
And be or not to be arise.
I swish my hand
He meets the sky
And flies on to the floor.
Today this dinosaur
Gives you life
And boots you out the door.


© Copyright 2000 Seymour Tabin - All Rights Reserved
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
1 posted 2000-07-31 08:06 AM


WOW!  What a powerful read Seymour!  Your imagery was superb ... excellent!  

Best wishes,
/Kit

EWDrake
Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 183
NC, USA
2 posted 2000-07-31 08:12 AM


Wonderful view of self awareness stretching with the sun to recover composure. Nicely done in image.  *S*
Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
3 posted 2000-07-31 08:27 AM


Imagery is perfect indeed!!!

and very thought provoking too...

regards to you seymour, my friend
Sudhir

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
4 posted 2000-07-31 10:14 AM


Wonderful images of contemptous rigor. I love the last line...always comes back to haunt.
well done!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2000-07-31 12:35 PM


Oh the power of it all!  I am really grinning over this one, seymour...Now I know you are an artist for sure!  What a picture you have painted here...bravo.
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
6 posted 2000-07-31 01:18 PM


Kit,
Thanks for the bouquet.

EWDrake,
Thank you for the well done.

Sudhir,
Another bouquet, thank you so much.

Ethome,
Thank you for the well done.

Serenity,
Bravo sounds good. *L*


Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

7 posted 2000-07-31 01:32 PM


Small wonder has caused
A mountain to bawl.
What in hell crawls my chest
What minuscule knight in quest.
Dares wake this giant
What miniature defiant?
What ill fated blunder
Do I ponder?
That life and death
Should drive my breath
And be or not to be arise.
I swish my hand
He meets the sky
And flies on to the floor.
Today this dinosaur
Gives you life
And boots you out the door.
-------------------------
why you dont have an inpudent bone in your body...
very cool Sy-guy...a new style here...
like the way you play with poetry (he he)
later-awesome-gator
jm

Lovesick_Proletariat
Junior Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 11

8 posted 2000-07-31 01:46 PM


im not intelligent enough to comprehend this...but from what i do understand....you did a good job.
Sincere Regards,
L.P

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
9 posted 2000-07-31 01:52 PM


I love this, Seymour! *G* Does the impudent pest know how lucky he is? LOL
brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
10 posted 2000-07-31 01:53 PM


You got me when my brain was on holidays so I need a few more readings this poem, but that is ok could the time was a wonderful
experince. Going to take a moment to catch my breath and then take a second read.    

"I am melancholy, flower cutting through stone"
manic street preachers

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
11 posted 2000-07-31 08:25 PM


Janet,
Thank you cool Sy.

Lovesick,
Thanks for the read and comment.

Suthern,
I hope so. *L*

Brien,
Well dinosaurs take a while.

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
12 posted 2000-07-31 09:38 PM


Gee, Sy, if you have bugs or lizards in the house why didn't you just call me?????
Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
13 posted 2000-07-31 10:22 PM


Balladeer,
Well tomorrow is the first, I expect you any time now.

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