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Translation (Verlaine: Les Ingenus, or The Young Fools)
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Translation (Verlaine: Les Ingenus, or The Young Fools) |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
(Original French poem below) High heels would shuffle with long dresses Led by the breeze on wild terrain As shimmering legs to that refrain We’d spy - we fancied these princesses. At times the jealous bug would sting The girls reposing under branches As their white napes emitted flashes; Immature eyes were reveling. As dusk would cloak the autumn day Our beauties lay in our embrace; They whispered words, our pulse would race: Hearts captured in pas de bourree. Translated by Marc-Andre Germain, 30 Dec. 08 ___________________________________________ Paul Verlaine: Les Ingenus Les hauts talons luttaient avec les longues jupes En sorte que, selon le terrain et le vent Parfois luisaient des bas de jambes, trop souvent Interceptes - et nous aimions ce jeu de dupes. Parfois aussi le dard d’un insecte jaloux Inquietait le col des belles sous les branches Et c’etait des eclairs soudains de nuques blanches Et ce regal comblait non jeunes yeux de fous. Le soir tombait, un soir equivoque d’automne: Les belles, se pendant reveuses a non bras, Dirent alors des mots si specieux, tout bas, Que notre ame depuis ce temps tremble et s’etonne. __________________________________________________ For comparison: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15621 |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
I was intrigued by what you announced on Owlsa/Diana's thread and came looking. I compared the three texts and I must say that you rendered the original text very well, daring to be the Poet who needs not to translate literally, but adds his own creativity, still respecting the rhyme patterns. I was a little perplexed by the pas de bourrée, but it does fit well (if one is skilled in dance expressions). You have done a great job with this very enjoyable poem by Verlaine. You are right it is not an easy job to translate poetry! Even our own I would say. Love, Margherita  |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
To be honest, Marc-André, I think you chose a poem whose essence is very difficult to translate. I must admit that, whilst Verlaine is one of my favourite poets, this one, whilst I enjoy it up to a point, feels a little stodgy to me in comparison to the effects of other poems of his have on me. I think your translation of Le soir tombait, un soir équivoque d'automne: was far better than Louis Simpson's, be Louis Simpson who he is or not. And, I do know who he is. I have a book edited by him. Smiles. I am also a little puzzled by pas de bourrée - and I am still - not being skilled in dance expressions. However, I enjoyed your free translation of the poem, and I enjoyed being introduced to a poem I didn't know. Thank you. I hope you didn't find my comments insensitive. Owl |
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Marc-Andre Senior Member
since 2008-12-07
Posts 501 |
Heartfelt thanks for your feedback, Margherita and Owl Indeed, I found this to be a poem whose essence is hard to translate. I've decided to translate one poem a month as a "writing workout." And by the way, when commenting on my poems or translations, feel free to critique at will, I am here to learn. At this point for me, it's a lot more about process than about product. I want to master the craft. Balladeer, for one, when critiquing my work won't overlook one detail (and even less my series of blemish) and thanks to him, I rework barely passable pieces into poems that I fell are of greater value; a very satisfactory process. When I saw that you read and wrote poetry in French, I had to get your attention Thanks for reading and taking the time to give an honest and helpful reply. Have a marvelous day! Mark |
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