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Fathima
New Member
since 2007-10-07
Posts 9
taif,saudi arabia

0 posted 2007-10-23 08:11 AM



Let my tears come,
Let my tears come,
Let my pain flow through those tears,
Let my tears share my pain with me and wash it away
Let my tears come.

But no tears come,
They may have dried up,
Or they may be dead,
But no matter how much i pray for those tears to come,
The just won't.

Instead,
Instead,
A blinding headache comes,
A headache so strong,
A headache so powerful,
That i fall under the wieght of it,
Like a black hole it sucks away my happiness,
My sadness,
My light,
My dark,
Until there is nothing left of me,
Nothing.


© Copyright 2007 Fathima - All Rights Reserved
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
1 posted 2007-10-23 08:54 AM


Welcome, drop the second line in the first stanza , switch lines four and five. Drop the third line in the second stanza, put a (y) after the first word in  the last line in the second stanza.

I hope This helps some ?

I did the easy stuff , somebody else to the third stanza.

Let my tears come,
Let my pain flow through those tears,
Let my tears come.
Let my tears share my pain with me and wash it away

But no tears come,
They may have dried up,
But no matter how much I pray for those tears to come,
They just won't.

OK, I have a little time left, before the boss comes back.

Instead,
A blinding headache comes,
A headache so powerful,
That I fall under the weight of it,

Like a black hole it sucks away my happiness,
My light,
Until there is nothing left of me,
Nothing.

Btw, drop (my light) and (nothing) and you have a couplet and I think a real good sonnet .

Let my tears come,
Let my pain flow through those tears,
Let my tears come.
Let my tears share my pain with me and wash it away

But no tears come,
They may have dried up,
But no matter how much I pray for those tears to come,
They just won't.

Instead,
A blinding headache comes,
A headache so powerful,
That I fall under the weight of it,

Like a black hole it sucks away my happiness,
Until there is nothing left of me,

[This message has been edited by chopsticks (10-23-2007 10:38 AM).]

Fathima
New Member
since 2007-10-07
Posts 9
taif,saudi arabia
2 posted 2007-10-24 08:26 AM


thank you for your help. i appreciate it.
chopsticks
Senior Member
since 2007-10-02
Posts 888
The US,
3 posted 2007-10-24 10:05 AM


Fathima, you are welcome.
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