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Here (Repetition poem)
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Here (Repetition poem) |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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My eyes involve sky beyond a range of hallucination it’s all reality here in this place of light on trees a bird on wire tiny stones feet-scuffed along the road beyond the range reality moves I can taste water from leaves Auckland rain in slience it falls footpaths carry me over discards plastic bags forgotten ink on paper beyond reality the range widens illusion waits past the curb my eyes involve slices of air the hissed rush of traffic is feral song beyond the range of hallucination reality taunts my eyes involved in sky and this rain fiction roams beyond my range tasteless I catch drops on my tongue illusion waits past the curb I walk on |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Hmmmm this should be read slowly..savor each line...  |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Kamla, Well, lets see what we have here... a lovely poem...true, so very true... I am not very much into critique  but still...I am intrigued by the first ten lines immediately and the eleventh one connects... absolutely well... still thinking in terms of beyond hallucination would that be a post-drug-high depression when reality strikes back with even more vengeance... he he that did it for Kurt Cobain though... just kidding... "slience" should be "silence" in third stanza ..  a typo or is it a new word  reading further on, I wonder whether the range is a mountain or does it pertain to the limits like in numbers... curiously inquisitive... hmmmm and if I get it right, reality follows hallucination and is followed by illusion... nah... interpretation two: the sky is but the clarity of reality... while the fictive illusion stays waiting to pounce taking the eyes to dream into a castled world amongst clouds... hey! whatever... I bet this is one great poem... and as Poet deVine says, has to be savoured ... line by line or gulp it all and let the taste linger is another issue regards, sudhir |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Hi your Vagueness! Time to attempt to peer through opaque glass and see what is on the other side.......lol I kept getting lost as to where everything was in this poem.. whether reality was was with the author or beyond the range, as lines that place it in both places contradict one another.. "My eyes involve sky beyond a range of hallucination it’s all reality here in this place" "beyond the range reality moves" "beyond reality the range widens" "beyond the range of hallucination reality taunts" "fiction roams beyond my range" So if I were to place these things in order of vision..((-reality>>range of hallucination/myrange>>sky>>realityagain>> and beyond a widening range ..illusion and fiction mingle with more reality.... All this can be a metaphoric walk in the rain or it could be an actual walk along a path that winds its way to a litter strewn highway with unreachable realities just beyond reach or range..... I think it has its moments but mostly I am repeatedly confused throughout.....but then again I am so easily confused.... Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Kamla, firstly let me say, this poem is Excellent! which I am sure you knew I'd say that knowing that I love all your work. I love your style of repetition here. My eyes involve sky beyond a range of hallucination it’s all reality here in this place here, I think you are saying, "beyond a range of halluination, would be over the horizon, like it is not real, does it exist? and "it's all reality here in this place" where you are. beyond reality the range widens illusion waits past the curb "beyond reality" again, not where you are, another place, it is beyond reality for you are not living it/not seeing it, so it is not real, an illusion maybe? beyond the range of hallucination reality taunts ok back to the range..."beyond the range of hallucination" reality is maybe stirring, but being beyond the range of hallucination, it's like unreal, a dream. Illusion is a/your dream and rain falls beyond your range, you catch it on your tongue, it's tasteless, so you keep walking for illusion a/your dream waits past the curb am I making any sense? I think you are talking about whats beyond the horizon "it's all reality here in this place" My eyes involve sky beyond a range of hallucination.......this being the horizon and what lies beyond it. hehe I may not be anywhere near it lol, but tried to work it out. A beautiful poem Kamla as always and most defiinatley has to be read slowly. Thanks M |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Sudhir Jamie and Maree .. it's really great to see you all making the effort to look at this poem and comment constructively .. it's only by people trying to do that that the forum will work as a place of learning .. it made me very happy to see you doing this - as for you maree .. i nearly fell off my chair when i saw you weighing in with a critique .. excellent!!!!!!  anyway LK ... you dont escape with just the three of them ...lol...i'll be back heh hehp |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I quite agree Sir P... thanks for your encouragement...it is wonderful...and I am sigh waiting with exasperation....er...enthusiasm for your demolishing, whoops (how DO these words keep popping out), I mean constructive input... Guys - your input is awesome...thankyou very much. Back to comment in full later. K[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 08-20-2000).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
OK, K... I'm going to avoid commenting on the content, because you know I just never understand what the hell you're talking about... (LOL) I did want to suggest/complain about one line of your poem... one that seems to repeat itself for some reason... oh yeah, the repetition thing...beyond a range of hallucination is beyond the range of every other line in this poem. I feel like I had to ssttrreecchh each time I read it, only to bounce back at the end to the next line. That was your intent? Hmm... It still looks ugly! I think it might not be so harsh, were you to not leave so far to travel, especially on the first stanza. It JUMPS right out at ya, like it's a mugger or something! Geesh, such a violent person you are!feet-scuffed along the road does the same btw. Auckland rain in slience it falls Is that a new word? "slience." You're allowed to create new words K, but... umm... this one just looks wrong! LOL I SUPPOSE that other than that, I dug it. I'm kinda with Mr P on this one as far as possible meanings... though I'm favoring the metaphorical walk thingy. (And like Jim says, my interpretation is correct!) I see this as a walk through a cluttered life, while you're depressed. Just there, "beyond the range of hallucination," where "illusion waits past the curb" being the temptation to delude yourself, thereby foregoing the pain of a rainy life. Just my op. [This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 08-21-2000).] |
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