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Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704


0 posted 2000-08-12 07:16 PM


a new challenge...yes, definitely time for one.

Repetition.

Ahhh yes - that naaaaaasty word.

The question is - can you, can I, write a GOOD poem (yes C, or prose piece - though thinking poem here specifically, so hush) using repetition as a key rhetorical device?

Any topic - just repeat words and phrases lots and lots! LOL - well, as often as you think makes for a good piece of poetry...

K


"He looked across the
silky surface of the Severn,
and remembered that it
was a famously difficult
river with fierce tides..."


From J

© Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved
Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
1 posted 2000-08-13 01:04 PM


a poem could perhaps be written,,, but good?
lol..we shall see my dear Kiwi friend

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
2 posted 2000-08-13 05:11 PM


Here is the poem I submit to be submitted. Please feel free to repitiously reply and perhaps repeatedly repetend the repetition to all who might repeat it. Huh?

Over You: Over and Over

Ever since your light
      first fell on my eyes
I have been crazy
       over you

Lost in your beauty
      giving love its rise
I could never pass
      over you

Once I had tasted
     how sweet was the prize
I'd not pick another
     over you

Having long been held
      so high in the skies
you've had no one else
      over you

I knew that always
      for you would be vies
men to battle with
      over you

One alone cannot
      prevent love's demise
did my sadness wash
     over you

In the passing years
      Have regretful sighs
or lonesome tears come
      over you

Time has done its job
      slowing down the cries
memories remain
     over you

When  more clock has run
     and I have grown wise
I'll put myself first
      over you

Until then I must
      stay in this disguise
since I have nothing
     over you

Soon a day will come
      saying my goodbyes
I will say that I'm
      over you




Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
3 posted 2000-08-13 05:35 PM


I think Jamie needs to stay after class! His was too good too fast!  
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
4 posted 2000-08-13 05:43 PM


Jamie forced me to do this..and his is SO much better!  

I am
no longer
The woman you first met

You are
No longer
A loss that I regret

We are
No longer
Joined in romantic sigh

We are
No longer
We are now just you and I

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
5 posted 2000-08-13 06:01 PM


And its the last time I do!!!!!..lol
I am SO jealous, and envious.
Talk about good and fast.



Jamie

Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil.
"Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely".



Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
6 posted 2000-08-13 06:22 PM


Jamie! You weren't supposed to tell them I'm good AND fast..LOL

It's my competitive spirit..yours is MUCH better..though it did take a few minutes more to write..  

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

7 posted 2000-08-13 07:09 PM


Jamie
Well Done my friend..  love it all

especially the ending....

Soon a day will come                    saying my goodbyes
I will say that I'm
over you



Sharon
hey , loved yours too
Well done my friend

you are both GOOD and FAST!!!  


will work on mine now  

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
8 posted 2000-08-14 02:52 AM


Hey!!!!
Mareeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Kamleeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Where are you('re poems?.....huh?

Jamie
Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168
Blue Heaven
9 posted 2000-08-14 06:42 PM


ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktockticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock  ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktockticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock  ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktockticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock  ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktockticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock  ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktockticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock  ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock titicktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktockticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock  ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock cktock ticktock ticktock ticktock ticktock

well, you said it was time...     

Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

10 posted 2000-08-14 07:48 PM


Umm err Jamie, I'm kinda still working on it  

Maree

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
11 posted 2000-08-15 12:37 PM


Do I have to do a new one, or can I repost an older one? LOL - I have several along these lines, repetition being one of my favorite tricks... repetition being one of my favorite tricks... repetition being one of my favorite tricks... repetition being one of my favorite tricks... repetition being one of my favorite tricks...



Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

12 posted 2000-08-15 12:45 PM


Better keep that clock fully wound J cause I haven't even started...

hehehe...


Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
13 posted 2000-08-15 01:29 AM


Ok, I checked with the lady who thinks she's the boss and she said I could do a repost!  

A Woman Like You
©2000  Christopher Ward



     The next woman I love
will be just like you
Challenging my mind
kind to my heart.
     Like you,
she will smile through
eyes of azure hue
every time we meet.
     Like you,
she will caress my turmoil
with the wispy
kiss of her sighs.
     Like you,
she will know
there is no need to speak
in the comforting
sanity of silence.
     Like you,
she will hold me close
in dreams and starry nights
dancing shadows on the walls.
     Like you,
she will share my aches
knowing they pass
in fits of inspiration.
     Like you,
she will share
in the sanctity of togetherness
as one we thrive alive.
     Like you,
she will touch me
daily, without the need...
to ever really touch.
     Unlike you,
she will stay.
     Unlike you,
she will love me
     ...forever.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
14 posted 2000-08-15 02:28 AM


If Christopher gets to re-post ... so do I !


Just The Mention Of Your Name

~*Marge Tindal*~

Just the mention of your name
ignites the embers once again
Leaping into raging flame
at just the mention of your name

Cold the smolder of the past
Passion's fire that did not last
Ashen now the burned remains
at just the mention of your name

From within there comes a doubt
that this fire has not burned out
You return and I'm not the same
with just the mention of your name

Hotter still the passion grows
Burning me with ecstasy's glow
I've no one but myself to blame
for falling in love all over again
at just the mention of your name



~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095

15 posted 2000-08-15 02:49 AM


I Stand Tilted


Heel-over
on sinking ground
a concrete of
hard solid mass,

I stand tilted

you, a rise
over earth and sky
I'm imprisoned
by horizon's line,

I stand tilted

a west wind
you twist over and
around rotating
this senseless head,

I stand tilted

finally you
become untouchable
and I fall crashing
at your feet, still,

I stand tilted


Angel of Darkness
August 2000




Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
16 posted 2000-08-15 06:33 AM


ok .. seeing as i can't seem to write much right now, can i cheat with a repost? yeah well i will anyway .. this was from wayyy back but its all i could find with repetition in it..lol:

Poet's journey

Other-worldly I dress to leave.

The rhythm, rhyme and flow
The rhythm, rhyme and flow.
Time to go
Time to go.
We shared our love, our lust, our time,
but never shared our minds,
We shared our adulthood and teens,
but never shared our dreams.

Luggage, tension and male precision,

Smash up

the rhythm, rhyme and flow
the rhythm, rhyme and flow.

En-tranced I take the wheel.

The rhythm, rhyme and flow
The rhythm, rhyme and flow.
He'll never know
He'll never know
the rhythm saturated sea
in which I bathe the real me,
Where wave tops wave in curling sound
so far from his unyielding ground.

Road-maps, tension and male derision,

Disrupt

the rhythm, rhyme and flow
the rhythm, rhyme and flow.

Mesmerically I feed the gas.

The rhythm, rhyme and flow
The rhythm, rhyme and flow.
Too fast too slow
Too fast too slow.
The rubber beat of tyres on seams
metronomically feeds my dreams,
The shush and shush and shush and shush
of air squeezed as we rush and rush.

Male screams, metal screams and momentary pain,

Break

the rhythm, rhyme and flow
the rhythm, rhyme and flow.

More clearly now I feel the beat,
Red pumping life, red staining seat,
And rivers flow and merge and meet
my thigh the spring, the sea my feet,
As day collapses other light
invades my mind but blinds my sight,
And feeling goes and feelings come
and once so old and now so young,
Time passes; slows, so long, and long
I drown in my arterial song,
And whisper out an age held breath
and smile to know the life of death,
Then loose my hold and slide below
become the rhythm, rhyme and flow

the rhythm, rhyme and flow
the rhythm, rhyme and flow

time to go
time to go.



Poertree
Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359
UK
17 posted 2000-08-15 06:36 AM


HAH ..i just thought of another..can i post two? well i will anyway ..lol...

is the formal repetition of a villanelle allowed?

Temporal Illusion

Resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast,
Awake from ether years that tick away,
No now, no then, no later and no last.

To you who sit and comfortably fast
and vainly wait for morrow's fattening day,
Resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast.

To those who suck dry marrow of the past,
Throw down the dusty bones, arise and say
No now, no then, no later and no last.

And you who glut on certainty must cast
beyond the present garnish, and then may
Resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast.

Spurn paltry centuries and stand not aghast
while little minutes seem to go astray,
No now, no then, no later and no last.

Let me but glimpse a lie so old and vast,
Then armed in understanding light I pray,
Resist the tempting lilt of time's long blast.
No now, no then, no later and no last.



Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
18 posted 2000-08-15 09:47 AM


I say:

Wait for Me!
I will be back!!
Wait for Me
I will be back!!

I hope to hear:  

We will be waiting
We hope you will be there soon!
We will be waiting
We hope you will be there!!


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