Can I Post A Few Rules To Live By?

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hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

0 posted 2000-02-13 04:25 PM

"Rules for Writerers"

Part I

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

7. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are(usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. Don't use no double negatives.

17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

"Rules for Writerers"

Part II

19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20. The passive voice is to be ignored.

21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

22. Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.

23. Kill all exclamation points!!!!!!

24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

25. Understatement is always theabsolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.

26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

32. Who needs rhetorical questions?

33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

34. Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate simplistic matters.
And finally...
35. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

< !signature-->

Have you ever noticed
That the words...
"Goodbye"
"I'm sorry"
"I love you"
Are so easy to pronounce
...Yet so hard to say
~Javan

[This message has been edited by hoot_owl_rn (edited 02-13-2000).]

Mistikman
Senior Member

since 2000-01-10

Posts 682
San Jose, CA, USA

1 posted 2000-02-13 05:59 PM

LOL. This is hilarious, and rather informative. Thank you hoot owl, I needed something like this to brighten my day

Munda
Member Elite

since 1999-10-08

Posts 3544
The Hague, The Netherlands

2 posted 2000-02-13 06:52 PM

ROTFLMAO You're good Ruth, you're good !
Now, would you please translate some of that for me please ? Let's say rule # 1 to 35 ??

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 2000-02-13 07:43 PM

I love these lists.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

4 posted 2000-02-15 11:06 AM

This is a great list, Ruth. I flinched at "irregardless".

Jim

"If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

5 posted 2000-02-15 04:17 PM

Wow!! And too, that have to be absolutely positively and, undoubtedly the most, fabulous informative understated, list to which I have ever been introduce. And its an understatement, irregardless of what someone else might say or elsewise come up with. I really dont need no more information than that. And thats no bull. Thanks Ruth.

< !signature-->

Pete

     What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity --
     sufficiently sublime in their simplicity --
     for the mere enunciation of my theme?
          Edgar Allan Poe

[This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 02-16-2000).]

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

6 posted 2000-02-15 05:28 PM

Seen this before and cracked up just as hard this time! My fave is still "groan readers!" Booo! LOL

[This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 02-15-2000).]

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