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Open Poetry #6
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Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores

0 posted 2000-04-14 08:12 PM





Thunder rolls within
               Chasm of earth filled with sound
Thunder resounding

© ~Marge Tindal~ 2000




© Copyright 2000 Marge Tindal - All Rights Reserved
Lone Wolf
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since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842
Lansing, MI USA
1 posted 2000-04-14 08:19 PM


Marge,
Great job!!!  The thunder is definitely powerful and awesome.  Well said!!!  I like it a lot.  


 Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end.
--Michael W. Smith

Denise
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Posts 22648

2 posted 2000-04-14 08:23 PM


You're very good at these, Marge!

Denise

Marge Tindal
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3 posted 2000-04-14 08:35 PM


LoneWolf~
Thank you ... yes, it's quite
a reverberating experience.

Denise~
Thank you.
They like me !  
Somehow they cause me to look
with simplistic clarity at the
events of nature.
They just intrigue me.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Cassanova
Junior Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 39
Turlock, Ca.
4 posted 2000-04-14 08:56 PM


Don't know much about haiku, but you sure packed a lot into this little poem!


Jason

Nan
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since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
5 posted 2000-04-14 09:05 PM


Neato, Marge....

You're really enjoying these - You might consider sharing some with Beki Reese - She's the all time haiku champ...

I'm sure she'd love to read yours too..

Marge Tindal
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6 posted 2000-04-14 09:12 PM


Jason~
Thank you.
I've sent you an e-mail on
the adventures of Haiku-ing !  
Enjoy ... and welcome to Passion's.

Nan~
Thank you ... I've been reading
and commenting on Beki's Haiku.
I do enjoy doing these ... they are
just so fascinatiing.
Thanks for the thoughts.
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


INclan
Senior Member
since 1999-07-20
Posts 1024
Indiana, USA
7 posted 2000-04-14 09:27 PM


Thunderous, Marge, Simply thunderous.  Great Job.

INclan

Marge Tindal
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8 posted 2000-04-14 09:58 PM


INclan~

Thank you Haiku friend
Wonderful greetings you write
Haiku is alive

It is nice to see your enjoyment.
Love ya'
~*Marge*~


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


Jeffrey Carter
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since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367
State of constant confusion!
9 posted 2000-04-14 10:24 PM


Very intriguing Marge....I can smell the rain

Jeffrey

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
10 posted 2000-04-15 07:20 AM


A stormy experience with this one.
Marge the talent you possess just astounds me and these are just fabulous.  
Tracie~


 Keep all the windows of your mind open
Anne Rooks


Marge Tindal
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11 posted 2000-04-15 07:35 AM


Jeffrey~

Ah, and the prelude
To the roar of thunder set
Strikes me with wonder


Tracie~

Astounding thunder
Sent by stormy messenger
Roars across the sky

*Thank you both for enjoying this
and for letting me know.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2000-04-15 08:05 AM


Hold on, O Guru of Haiku!

  THOR APPLAUDS IN GLEE!!!!

i've missed y'much m'mum.....

Marge Tindal
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13 posted 2000-04-15 08:12 AM


Serenity~
Girl .. you bring a ray
Of sunshine into my morn
Serenity ... me !


 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


kaile
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singapore
14 posted 2000-04-20 10:46 AM


a suggestion,Marge...maybe you should use "loud roars" in the first line rather than "thunder"...after all,you have used thunder in the third line and since we all know how valuable words are in haiku,why repeat them? ")

a suggestion only...after all,i am only a budding haikuist myself!

Marge Tindal
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15 posted 2000-04-20 08:46 PM


'budding haikuist'

Your suggestion of
'loud roars' within
sounds to me like it's almost lunch time.
(and that wouldn't be a correct 5-syllable count)

Now if you meant
'loud roars' rolls within
(that would be a tongue twister)

Thunder rolls ... and then does it again
thusly ... Thunder resounds.
Some things just bear repeating to this poets mind.
  
Since we all know it's not the word count that makes the Haiku format ... it's the syllable count, I would think that repetition of a word is most acceptable when it adds to the dimension and clarity of the Haiku.

Thank you so much for your kind observations.
~*Marge*~



 ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com



passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
16 posted 2004-06-06 07:00 PM



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